Captain's Log, the year is 2022.
This year they've announced that there's going to be a fourth instalment of the Star Trek reboot starring Chris Pine, hence the homage in my intro, and that's the most significant thing that's happened so far this year.
Unfortunately, we can only wish that was the case, as Russia has invaded Ukraine bringing war back to Europe and the effects of the pandemic lockdown still linger in the air as the world tries to move on but is inevitably stuck in time.
It seems hard to talk about football when there are much more serious things happening in the world, but sometimes a game that involves eleven men kicking a ball around on the pitch can be a welcome distraction from the problems of the world, while at the same time it can use its influence to send a message if necessary.
To that end we thought we'd write something a little different. You probably remember Kanye 2024 (ironically he has also been in the news for all the wrong reasons recently) or even Trump 2020, as they put forward their manifestos for a presidential campaign.
Our colleagues over at Liverpool.com had some fun with it, putting forward their transfer manifestos for the likes of Jadon Sancho to join their club and look how well that worked out, with him now plying his trade at Manchester United.
So we thought we'd do the same, so if you're reading this Aurelien Tchouameni, here's why you should join United this summer.
The French Connection
Tchouameni has recently become a key part of France's set-up and though his performances for Monaco have gained him serious plaudits, it was his national team performances that put him on many teams' radars.
So why not give him a chance to play with a number of familiar faces at United?
Paul Pogba might still be here(?) if he decides to extend his time at Old Trafford but if not Raphael Varane and Anthony Martial will be, who Tchouameni will also know from his time with the national team.
If Pogba was to stay, the triangle between Tchouameni and Varane would be fantastic both in and out of possession and add a component that United have been missing. It would quickly make the young Frenchman a key piece very quickly.
Manchester > Monaco
Yes, Monaco is the home of the rich and famous, but Manchester is the home of football and music and culture. Where else could you walk into a cafe in the centre of town and be greeted by the soulful pipes of Liam Gallagher singing about great he is.
Monaco may have scenic views of the Mediterranean but trust me you've not lived until you've seen two pigeons scrapping in Heaton Park.
But jokes aside it really is a fantastic place to live, the people are mostly friendly and everything you could need is on your doorstep. Well not on your doorstep literally because you'll likely be living in Cheshire, but you get what I mean.
And if you want to pop home to see family, France is only a short flight away. Before I start sounding like a 'Visit Manchester' advert, I'll move on to my next point.
We really, really need you
This might sound like I'm begging because really I am, and so is every United fan right now. The team really needs a defensive midfielder of Tchouameni's ability and potential.
He is secure in possession and makes smart decisions on and off the ball, which help the rest of his team thrive. By signing for United and just being better than what we currently have, it is likely that Tchouameni would gain cult hero status straight away, but I don't think he would just be limited to that.
United are starting a new project that will hopefully put right a lot of the wrongs of the past decade. A player like Tchouameni could make a real difference.
