At the OVO Hydro on Tuesday, singer Lewis Capaldi told the audience that 12 people had fainted at his gig the previous night in Aberdeen. They must have switched on their phones to check the result from Darvel.
What’s the connection between Masked Singer star Stephen Hendry and Aberdeen FC? That’s right – they were both Rubbish on TV this week. The Dons’ woeful performance – broadcast live on the BBC Scotland channel to an audience of hundreds – was scarier than a Turkish barber with a twitch.
For the 700 diehard supporters who made the six-hour return trip to Ayrshire, the whole experience was hairier than a lady’s razor on February 13. To put this shock result into perspective (and forget any silly debate, by the way, it was the biggest upset in Scottish football history), I’ll remind any non-football fans that Aberdeen are the only Scottish club to win TWO Euro trophies.
In fact, you could argue – particularly if you want to wind up Celtic and Rangers fans – they’re the most successful European club in the country. Did they REALLY get humiliated by a West of Scotland Premier League junior team in the same year Dons fans celebrate the 40th anniversary of beating Real Madrid to win the Cup Winners’ Cup?
You know the sad, hard fact? It’s probably disingenuous to describe Darvel’s victory on Monday as “giant-killing” as well, I’m afraid Aberdeen FC are no longer giants. The embarrassing agony continued for their long-suffering supporters on Tuesday teatime when the result at tiny Recreation Park was the “funny bit” at the end of both national news bulletins.
Tell you what, they’ll take a long time to recover from the Darvel fans’ scathing chants on Monday night. I was fortunate to attend the game (come on, Cosgrove, surely I can call THIS a JFK moment?) and the patter from the home end was terrific. “You’re not famous any more!” How cruel.
“Sacked in the morning, you’re getting sacked in the morning!” was mercilessly directed at Jim Goodwin. And there was no escape for Aberdeen legend and BBC pundit Willie Miller up in the makeshift TV gantry.
Right after Darvel’s goal, a rousing chorus of: “Willie, Willie, what’s the score?” (I may even have joined in myself…) I was also on the receiving end with no fewer than FOUR Darvel supporters accusing me of being a “glory-hunter”. Brilliant.
I thought about volunteering my services as a Z-list celebrity fan but I’m forgetting they already have an A-lister in Frank McAvennie. Don’t forget folks, it was Darvel-born Sir Alexander Fleming who discovered penicillin.
Goal hero Jordan Kirkpatrick – a plumber – got the day off. Well, I say day off…he told a customer he’d be there at 9am and arrived at 5.30pm.
Delighted Darvel owner John Gall – and I’m delighted to announce he’ll be our special guest on Off the Ball this Saturday – is managing director at Brownings the Bakers (famous for the Kilmarnock Pie) and I’ve challenged him to create some special souvenir savouries. For example, to highlight the number of leagues separating Aberdeen and Darvel, how about a cake with five tiers? Or maybe some Jim Goodwin rolls (well-fired)?
I’d imagine Darvel’s managerial mastermind Mick Kennedy will now be linked with a bigger job. And I’ve heard a rumour the club’s immaculate pitch could be the subject of a big-money move to Hampden.
Incidentally, Goodwin was probably only the second-most distraught man in Darvel on Monday night. With the entire population of Darvel presumably backing their heroes at 33-1, spare a thought for the poor local bookie.
I also had a wee wager on Darvel – and I also bet the correct score at 66-1. But I won’t tell you how much I won as that, quite frankly, would be vulgar. PS. No column next week, folks. I’ll be in the Bahamas.
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