I have been told by more than a few friends and family that watching a movie with me can be an intense experience. While I hope that I am not as intense as Jeremy Allen White's Carmy in The Bear, I found myself relating to the chef's attempts in The Bear season 3 in creating a list of non-negotiables for how he wants things done to create the best version of his restaurant. That inspired me to come up with my own list of "non-negotiables" for watching a movie, both when you are at home or out at the movie theater.
Full disclosure, these are not things that I expect everyone to do all the time (characters in The Bear certainly don't follow Carmy's list to the letter, particularly when it comes to breaking down boxes); everyone has their own things they like when they are watching a movie. But perhaps you'll be inspired to try some of these ideas out for yourself and see if they help make the movie watching experience more special.
Let's dive into what I think should be non-negotiables for watching a movie, starting with at-home viewing
Non-negotiables for watching a movie at home
1. Agree on the ground rules before starting the movie
This only applies if you are watching a movie with others, as if you're by yourself do whatever works best for you. Some things to consider: are questions going to be allowed during the movie? What about bathroom breaks? What are people doing with their phones? Having this discussion beforehand makes sure everyone is on the same page about what is OK during the movie. Now let me elaborate on some of my thoughts on these questions.
2. As few lights on as possible
You're never going to be able to fully recreate the movie theater experience in your living room, but small efforts can help, including having as few lights on as possible when you're watching a movie. Having all lights off would be best, but if you and/or the others you're watching the movie with want to have some light, then try and keep it as minimal as possible. This will help minimze the chance of distraction of other things in the room and help you stay fully invested in the movie. Speaking of distractions…
3. Sequester your phone
I know it's difficult, but for the two hours or so that you are planning to watch a movie, make every effort to put your phone away or in a place where you won't be easily distracted by it. Sure, this isn't a movie theater where you have to be worrying about bothering others (or at least strangers) by scrolling through your phone or responding to texts, but if you're engaging with your phone then you're not fully engaging with the movie (I don't care how good of a multitasker you think you are). If you're worried about missing important text or calls doing this, take your phone off silent so if it is out of sight you can still hear it if necessary.
4. Be considerate with any questions
I get it, some people like to ask questions during a movie as soon as they pop up to make sure they are following along with the plot or what have you, but it is important to be considerate that your question is not disturbing others' viewing experience. With that in mind, here's my stance on questions during a movie: one, if no one has seen the movie, save all questions for the end; don't disrupt a new experience with a question they themselves may not know the answer to. Two, if one person has seen the movie but others haven't, establish beforehand if they are OK answering questions during the movie; maybe they haven't seen the movie in a while and want to enjoy the experience again, or maybe they know it well enough and are OK helping you out as it plays. FYI, this applies to general talking as well.
5. Pausing is OK, but aim for the most opportune time
This may not always be an option when nature calls, but if you can try and avoid pausing a movie in the middle of an important scene, it can really kill the momentum of a movie. This is a big one with questions. If you've agreed that questions during the movie are OK but you have one that may be more than a quick answer, then try and wait for a transition between scenes or a lull in the action to pause the movie and ask the question. Who knows, maybe your question will be answered as you're waiting for the right moment to pause.
6. Read the room
This one is tricky, but depending on the movie you are watching some of these circumstances can change during the course of watching the movie. Perhaps you thought it would be a more laid back viewing experience but as you watch everyone becomes gripped by the movie. Or maybe you wanted to have a focused viewing experience, but you find the movie unintentionally funny and want to comment on it with your friends. This can be fine, but make sure you appropriately read the room to see where everyone else is with the movie before breaking from the set ground rules.
(*Disclaimer, these non-negotiables don't take having kids into account, as I currently don't. Sorry parents out there if these aren't as feasible for you).
Now let’s look at the movie theater experience…
Non-negotiables for watching a movie at the theater
1. Follow the rules of the movie theater
This one should be pretty straight forward. Movie theaters have their own set of rules to try and give moviegoers the best experience possible, including silencing/turning off your cell phones and refraining from talking during the movie. Some movie theater chains actively enforce these rules to the point where anyone who violates them may be thrown out. But even if they don't, be courteous to everyone else in the audience and follow the rules of the movie theater.
2. Don't arrive late
With advanced seat selection saving your preferred spot and the pre-show and trailers ahead of the actual movie seeming endless, it's very tempting to simply stroll into the movie theater well after the slated start time of the movie. While I'm not saying you absolutely have to be in your seat before the start time (believe me, I too am not a fan of the endless parade of trailers and in-house advertising), don't assume you know how long you have before the movie starts. I'd say there is a 10-15 minute buffer between the allotted start time of the movie and when all audiences members should be in there seats. It may actually be longer, but there aren't many things that are as annoying as people having to squeeze by you to get to their seats five minutes into the actual movie.
3. Prepare to sit for two hours
Stating the obvious, but the movie theater is not your home and you can't pause the movie. And like it or not, most movies (even without the trailers) run close to two hours these days. We all know this going in, so do whatever you need to do to give yourself the best chance to be able to sit undisturbed for two hours or more. Whether that's a trip to the restroom, sending off any texts you need to or what have you.
4. Whisper and stealth
If you absolutely must break any of the non-negotiables above, then do everything you can to be as quiet as a mouse. If you're looking to ask a question to the person you came with or tell them you have to step out, whisper it in their ear. As you leave, be quick and quiet as you exit the theater to provide as minimal a disruption to others as possible.
5. Embrace the shared experience
I've been telling you all the things you can't do in a movie theater, but let me leave you with what truly makes the movie theater experience special: sharing it with a group of strangers. While going to the movies can be a solitary adventure, it can also be a thrilling communal experience. Laughing out loud, shrieking at a jump scare or simply looking at the big screen in awe with a hundred or so people can be truly incredible. One of my favorite movie experiences is seeing Skyfall at the Chinese Theater in Hollywood. The crowd erupted in applause at classic Bond movie nods, but was gripped to the seats during the thrilling climax. These moments are part of what makes going to the movie theater special, even if they bend (possibly break) some of the "non-negotiables" I listed above.
