'Superficial friendships' are part of the reason more and more men are feeling lonely says one expert from a men's mental health group. According to studies, one in five men admitted to having no close friends while 32% claimed they had no one that they would class as a best friend.
The survey carried out in 2019 by YouGov found that women faired drastically better when it came to friendships after leaving school with 12% saying the had no close friends and only 24% saying they didn’t have a best friend.
The survey asked 2,149 adults and found that 44% of men said they were lonely sometimes, often or all of the time.
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Dan Rowe, a project manager from Andy’s Man Club in the north west says that loneliness among young men in the UK is a little more nuanced than the figures paint it. He told the MEN that in his experience young men of today do have friends but how far the friendships extend is the cause of the loneliness.
Speaking to the MEN he said: “If we actually looked at a lot of guy’s relationships, ‘how deep are they?’"
“You have all the banter and laughing but it’s quite superficial, and that’s really important that people do have that. But, I’ll give you my own example, the most lonely I’ve ever felt is when I’m in a room full of people, I played sport all my life and some of the loneliest places I’ve been was in the changing rooms.
"Even though you’re surrounded by people you can often feel lonely because you can feel like you’re on the outside of things.” Dan says that the feeling of isolation comes from the stigma of talking about taboo subjects like mental health in male dominated environments.
He told the MEN: “I think what we find that with men in general but it effects the younger generation even more. It’s loneliness in terms of how many young men talk with their friends about how their feeling or struggles.
"It’s loneliness in not knowing that there’s support out there or not knowing where to turn, it’s isolation in terms of feeling like you’re the only person that goes through whatever it is that you’re kind of going through."
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Dan told the MEN that there is no ‘quick fix’ or list of actions that will help men who are feeling isolated or lonely, however the best way to begin is by speaking out and using the resources available like Samaritans or Andy’s Man Club, speaking to the MEN he said: “The best way to deal with it is to talk, what our clubs do is they bring together groups of guys that want to support each other but they create a community, and I think the one thing that causes loneliness and isolation is the lack of social community that we have.
"When I was growing up, there were community groups everywhere, there were youth centres were you could build these social communities and now you just don’t see those social connections in the same way. I think that causes a lot of loneliness and a lot of isolation."
Andy's Man Club are a suicide prevention charity with eight groups in Greater Manchester and 14 in the north west. You can get in touch with them via their website.
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