"Befringed cowpersons channelling Village People at the Chicken Ranch"
Before I sign off, one last reader email just in.
Iain Crofts says: “Hi, Michael. Between Tom and Toyah, I would definitely have saved Tom. Based on what I hoped to see from both of them in coming weeks, I expected to enjoy watching Tom’s progress as a dancer more than whatever routines Toyah would be given to follow up on her and Neil’s ‘befringed cowpersons channelling Village People at the Chicken Ranch’ jive. I’m shuddering to think what lies in store.”
Whip-crackingly well put, Iain.
Strictly goes to the flicks next weekend
Thanks for watching along with me, Sequin Squad. Our 14 relieved pro-celebrity pairs now dance onto the fancy dress-fest that is the annual Movie Week special.
This year’s third live show airs next Saturday at 6.25pm on BBC1. Meet you back here to decide who’s a blockbuster hit and who’s a box office turkey.
In the meantime, film fans, you know the score: keeeeeeep dancing! Goodnight and have a great week.
Finally, looking forward to Movie Week, Joanieloves says: “Aljaz as ‘I’m just Ken?’ Does that mean someone will be Oppenheimer?”
emilyscatnaps concludes: “I hope Vicky Gill thoroughly steam cleans Neil’s outfit before it becomes Aljaž’s Ken outfit.”
On the dance-off, whistledownthewind says: “Tom was definitely not the worst dancer this weekend. He may have been more wooden than Epping Forest at times but I think he had promise for the future. Shame that Toyah will miss her Barbados jaunt next week.”
RichIrwinTN says: “I think British Swimming have been in touch - they do not want Tom to go the same way as Adam Peaty, as Strictly was the start of his (hopefully temporary) decline.”
Somersetlass says: “Gosh, that took an unexpected turn. Poor Tom, but based on that dance-off, I’d have voted for Toyah too.”
ReclinedPotato says: “Shirley spoiling Toyah’s holiday plans out of spite, I’d say!”
acanthe says: That’s the first shock exit we’ve had in a few years, really. In the last few years, the public haven’t generally saved the worst dancer (never mind the judges)!”
RegWhelk adds: “Sad to see Tom go out, but he can go back to doing what he’s best at... being really tall.”
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Several commenters breaking it to me to that Nadiya Bychkova and Kai Widdrington have split up. Thanks for the update but must you tear my soppy heart asunder? Sob.
On tonight’s musical guest, SecretPuddleJumper: “This is a rarity. I was keen to watch Ezra Collective. Not going for a scheduled wee break while the band is on.”
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On “Annoyah”, Lushattic says: “I like Toyah but that Barbados line was a bit on the nose.”
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On Tom Dean’s exit, JenAiMarre says: “I think it’s a bit of a challenge being an Olympian. You are famous for 5 minutes every 4 years (if you are lucky) then disappear from the public’s thoughts. Can’t see Tom’s support outnumbering all those Gooners.”
ReclinedPotato adds: “I think people forgot about Tom with him dancing first, dammit.”
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Readers’ verdicts
A swift straw poll of your comments now. On that opening group nimber, Whistledownthewind says: “Not sure how I feel about the judges taking part in dances. Might it not undermine their comments if the standard of their dancing is no better then the average celebs?”
neko99 adds: “Loved the group dance. Craig would make a great rat king in panto!”
Tonight’s other telly treats
TV viewers can now stay tuned to BBC1 for Paddy and Chris: Road Tripping, in which erstwhile Top Gear duo Paddy McGuinness and Chris Harris begin a European road trip in Sweden. Alternatively, there’s a toss-up between felines and canines with Big Cats 24/7 on BBC2 or The Dog House on Channel 4.
At 9pm, there’s new true-crime drama Joan on ITV1, train-based thriller Nightsleeper on BBC1 or Mortimer & Whitehouse: Gone Fishing on BBC2. Film-wise, Spectre is just starting on ITV2. There’s also Schindler’s List (10pm on BBC2 or The Terminator (10.20pm on ITV4).
And remember that until the next live show, you can get your hoofing fix on spin-off show It Takes Two, weeknights at 6.30pm on BBC2. Monday’s edition sees Tom and Nadiya on the sofa for a farewell interview.
First out hall of shame
Tom receives the metaphorical sparkly-handled wooden spoon, joining other last-placers such as Edwina Currie, Goldie, Johnny Ball, Susannah Constantine, Gregg Wallace, Jacqui Smith and Les Dennis. Our survey said… ta-ra, chuck.
Tom can console himself that it’s often been the lot of sportspeople to go out first. He joins Martina Hingis, Iwan Thomas, James Cracknell and Tony Jacklin in that particular club.
Tom might not have got near the glitterball trophy but those three Olympic gold medals still shine bright. Chin up, my chlorine-scented friend.
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No luck for poor Nadiya
A shame to see Tom’s partner Nadiya Bychkova out of the contest so soon. The Ukrainian pro was back in the main cast after being benched last year but it has proved a short-lived stint. The professional half of “Team Golden” might well blame herself for that unfortunate sequin snarl-up and nervous Tom’s timing issues in the dance-off.
Then again, Toyah’s partner Ginger Neil was in the same boat and it would have felt harsh on him too. At least Nadiya can now lick her wounds in the ensemble with boyfriend and fellow pro Kai Widdrington, who was disappointed not to get a celebrity partner this year.
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Tom Dean’s exit felt unjust
The series has started with a surprise result. This year’s youngest celebrity, 24-year-old freestyle swimmer and three-time Olympic champion Tom Dean, can consider himself highly unlucky. Sure, he wasn’t the best dancer - those size 13 feet and a lack of experience “on dry land” didn’t help - but he trained hard, put in solid performances and was clearly enjoying himself.
He scored 23 points last weekend and 20 points last night, leaving him sixth from bottom on the combined scoreboard. Perhaps he lacked the fanbase of the other celebrities or viewers assumed he’d be safe - “the curse of the middle of the leaderboard”, as it’s known - so he didn’t get enough votes. Once you’re in the dance-off, anything can happen. Veteran performer Toyah Willcox duly raised her game and Tom made timing errors.
Maybe his shock exit is BBC karma for breaking the embargo and blurting out his participation in Strictly at poolside in Paris, bless him. Still, he deserved to stay a few more weeks.
Toyah, Dr Punam Krishan and Paul Merson have scored in the teens both weeks and, for me, were more worthy of the first elimination.
Sighs of relief from five couples
Toyah Willcox won’t be the only celebrity mopping their brow. Paul Merson did well to escape the dance-off, especially considering that he didn’t know if he was dancing a samba or a salsa.
Dr Punam Krishan, Pete Wicks and Nick Knowles also scored fewer points than Tom but were rescued by viewer votes. This quintet need to show serious improvement or they’ll soon be in dance-off danger.
Tom vs Toyah was battle of the gingers
Is it ginge-ist that two red-haired celebrities ended up in the dance-off? Will Jamie Borthwick be next?
Just kidding. I say this as a ginge myself. Pass the factor 50.
Tom and Nadiya’s last dance
As the eliminated couple take a final turn around the ballroom to If I Could Turn Back Time by Cher, the credits roll and the other couples crowd in for the traditional group hugs. Please stay with us for analysis and reaction.
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Nadiya returns the compliment
His pro partner Nadiya Bychkova says: “He’s not just a three-time Olympic champion, he’s a true gentleman. He taught me how to work really hard and how to put everything in. And you know what? On this programme, sometimes to win, you don’t need to win. That’s how I feel this year. I won by getting you as a partner.” Graciously said.
Tom says his farewells
Tom Dean looks gutted. In his exit interview, he tells Tess: “I’ve had the best time the last few weeks. Getting to work with Nadiya has been incredible. I wish I could have gone further and done more dances. We’ll still go out for loads of brunches I’m sure.” Something tells me that lad likes his protein.
Tom Dean is eliminated
The Olympic swimmer is sunk. He becomes the first celebrity to depart the 2024 dancefloor. I’m genuinely surprised and feel sad for him.
Shirley Ballas get the casting vote
Interesting, so we’ve got a rare split decision to start the series. Head judge Twirly Shirley choose to save Toyah and Neil, saying “timing and clarity was better”.
Anton du Beke choose to save…
Tom and Nadiya, saying “they made a better attempt at technique”.
Motsi Mabuse chooses to to save…
Toyah and Neil, saying “timing and musicality was out for Tom”.
Craig Revel Horwood chooses to save…
Toyah and Neil, saying “Tom was off-time”.
Decision time
That looked close. Craig scored them both 3 last night, while the other judges raised their 5 and 6 paddles.
Good energy from Toyah. She’s a pro performer and it’s showing. But is she doing enough to close that two-point gap?
Toyah and Neil take their turn
Toyah Willcox and her pro partner Neil Jones have another go at their cowgirl jive to Nutbush City Limits by Ike & Tina Turner.
The judges said last night that it showed improvement and commitment but was heavy and flat-footed. It scored 18 points, two fewer than Tom, so she’ll need to show even more improvement.
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Lumpy floor spin there. He looks stiffer than last night. This could be tight.
Tom and Nadiya go first in dance-off
Tom Dean and Nadiya Bychkova reprise their show-opening disco cha cha cha to Boogie Wonderland by Earth, Wind & Fire.
The judges said last night it was hesitant, stiff and lacked fluidity, highlighting Nadiya’s mid-routine wardrobe malfunction. The pair’s sequinned outfits got caught, ripping the crotch of her sparkly catsuit. It notched 20 points, two more than Toyah’s jive.
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Collective come dancing
Musical performance now from Ezra Collective with vocals from East London-raised, Nottingham-based singer-songwriter Yazmin Lacey, performing their recent single God Gave Me Feet for Dancing.
Lauren Oakley and Carlos Gu provide choreographic accompaniment. Like the lyrics go: “Give me bass line / Give me dollar wine / God gave me feet for dancing / And that’s exactly what I’ll do / Give me high life / Give me good times / God gave me feet for dancing,” Amen to that.
Tasha Ghouri is going to be Barbie. Not to blow my own trumpet but I called this six weeks ago.
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No gravy on a roast? No milk on cereal? Jamie Borthwick is officially a food pervert. He’s also dancing to Elton John’s I’m Still Standing next week.
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Shayne Ward does Elvis
I think that’s what those terrible impressions meant. Thankyouverymuch. Sam Quek will be “The Tomb Raider” for Movie Week, reveals Nikita Kuzmin. Wynne Evans will be Mrs Doubtfire. Hello dear!
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More chat from the Clauditorium
Fetishwear Gorka is relieved to go through. He reveals that he and Dr Punam will dance the first Couple’s Choice of the series next week. Too early?
Toyah faces Tom in the dance-off
Aww, well, maybe that’s no surprise. As predicted by bookies, Toyah Willcox will dance again for survival. She was the lowest scorer on the combined leaderboard and hasn’t been saved by viewer votes. Can she beat Tom Dean in the dance-off?
GoCompare bloke is safe
So are Love Island lass, Albert Square lad, DIY fella and hockey lady.
The dreaded red light returns
Now to find out who will face Tom and Nadiya in the dance-off. Strap in (no, Anton, not strap on).
Craig and Shirley get ready to rumba over Jamie Borthwick.
Dance debrief
Up to the Clauditorium now for the return of the weekly feature formerly known as Len’s Lens. RIP, Mr Goodman. Sat in a new semi-circle formation. Change is good, right?
The judges' highlight details including Montell Douglas’ Beyoncé moves and Shayne Ward’s tango face. What no Jowita Przystal nip slip or Nadiya Bychkova gusset malfunction? Spoilsports.
Claudia says of Movie Week: “Think Martin Scorsese but twice as long.”
Some baffling business with Vito Coppola using a spoon on Sarah Hadland’s feet. As you do.
Apparently Dianne Buswell’s dad reassured her that “Winning isn’t everything” when she was paired with Chris McCausland. Might he be eating his words?
Montell Douglas does Dream Girls
Up in the Clauditorium, the surviving couples chat. Montell drops a hint about her Movie Week routine. Paul Merson brings the lolz. Pete Wicks has a holiday booked for November. I don’t think he needs to cancel just yet.
Tom Dean in dreaded dance-off
Well, that’s a shocker. The Olympic swimmer was in the lower half of the leaderboard but didn’t appear to be in the danger zone. But who will he be up against? It’s squeaky bum time for at least a handful of couples.
Pete Wicks is safe
Yee-hah! So are Sarah Hadland (hooray), Chris McCausland (yay), JB Gill (bosh) and Montell Douglas (yass). And Paul Merson, surprisingly. Surprises incoming?
Red light of doom
Uh-oh, the dreaded red spotlight is back for the first time this year. Time for tension-building loooooong… pauses… as we find out who’s safe. Remember to silently judge anyone who forgets to say thank you down the camera because they’re too busy celebrating.
Saturday’s show rewound
Last night’s live show gets recapped. Not one but two cowboy routines! The first Charleston and rumba of the series! Chris McCausland’s foxtrot! Paul Merson’s barbecued salsa! Tasha Ghouri notching the first nines of the series! Sarah Hadland’s show-stopping paso doble! Nip slips and wardrobe malfunctions not included!
We end with a knee slide from Craig and what looked a little like him flipping the bird to us viewers but presumably wasn’t. Was it? Anyway, what a number.
Well, this is preposterous but excellent.
Game of glittery thrones
We open with a spectacular group from the professional troupe and judges. It sees the four panellists battling for the throne in an avant-garde gothic tango, set to a medley of When Doves Cry by Prince and Blue Monday by New Order. Both total 80s bangers.
Motsi Mabuse looking fabulous in sheer black. Anton Du Beke looking like a Disney villain. Craig Revel Horwood resplendent in a dashing King Louis XIV curly wig. With that dark beard, he recalls a cross between Jason Momoa and Joe Exotic. Which I’m sure is what he’s hoping for.
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Frockwatch
Here come our presenting dream team, so let’s run the rule over the duo’s outfits. Tess Daly is black with silver embossed flowers. Claudia Winkleman is in her old favourite, black with white trim. Claudia wins.
Aaaaand we’re off!
Roll opening titles. High fives! Hair tosses! Cheesy grins and cheeky winks! One of these couples will soon be history.
Plump your sparkliest cushion, take your sofa seat and do some light stretching, just in case, in readiness for the dance-off.
We’re about to go over to Elstree Studios…
Who'll miss out on Hollywood hoofing?
It will be double disappointment for one couple. Not only will they be sent home first but they’ll miss out on this year’s first themed show: Movie Week next Saturday.
The popcorn is salty and the stakes are high. Just five minutes until the first results show of 2024…
On BBC1 right now is an episode of Antiques Roadshow from what happens to be my local park: Clissold Park in Stoke Newington, north-east London. Home of the smug metropolitan liberal elite.
Look out in the background for a lurking liveblogger, gasping at the valuations. Just 10 minutes to wait now…
Feet for dancing
Musical guests tonight are the marvellous, Mercury Prize-winning Brit-jazz quintet Ezra Collective, featuring singer Yazmin Lacey. They’ll perform the aptly titled God Gave Me Feet For Dancing. Tune.
Not long to wait now. It’s a quarter to Strictly o’clock...
Running time tonight is a tight 45 minutes, precisely one-third the length of last night’s live show. It’ll be this way for the next few weeks, with the results show sandwiched on BBC1 between cosy Sunday stalwart Antiques Roadshow and new travelogue Paddy and Chris: Road Tripping.
Twenty minutes now until glitter o’clock…
Judges gatecrash the group dance
We’re being treated to a dramatic opening number tonight with the four judges joining the pros for a spectacular gothic routine. Apparently wigs are involved, so there’s also rug-based fun to look forward to.
It’s 25 minutes until we’re back in the ballroom…
Bookies’ predictions for the boot
Coming into this weekend, bookmakers’ hot favourite for the first elimination was Toyah Willcox. Her jive showed a marked improvement on last week’s tango but still left her rock bottom of the combined scoreboard with just 30 points from two dances.
Will the 80s punk popstrel win sufficient public votes to save her? And who might join her in the dance-off? Half an hour until showtime…
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Who will be first to depart the dancefloor?
Rejoice, for Strictly Sundays are back. Yes, it’s this year’s debut results show. Good evening and welcome to the first nail-biting exit from Strictly Come Dancing 2024. I’m Michael, your cyber dance partner. Please watch along with me as the first celebrity gets knocked out of this year’s contest.
Following last night’s epic live show, our 15 pro-celebrity pairs wait to find out their fates. Last week’s scores have been combined with this week’s. The public vote has meant viewers had their first say. It will all be collated and tonight the two lowest-scoring duos will hoof for survival. But who’ll be consigned to the first dreaded dance-off of Strictly’s 20th year?
Toyah Willcox was left propping up the judges’ joint scoreboard with Paul Merson second from bottom but will voters agree? If not, the likes of Dr Punam Krishan, Pete Wicks or Nick Knowles could come into choreographic contention.
It’s showtime at 7.15pm on BBC One. I’ll be liveblogging from 6.45pm, providing build-up, rolling coverage, analysis, reaction and witticisms of wildly fluctuating quality. So don your sparkliest slippers and see you on the sofa.
As always, I’d love to hear from you too. You can tweet me @michaelhogan, email me at michael.hogan.freelance@guardian.co.uk and the comments section below is open for the usual hoofing hubbub. I’ll rumba walk down there intermittently to gauge your reaction to the show and relay your comments. So please don’t be shy about sharing your thoughts.
Somebody’s twinkle-toed journey is about to end too soon. Nearly time to staaaaaart eliminating!
Thank you and a glittery goodnight - for now
That concludes Saturday’s liveblog larks. But we’ll be back right here for the results show, which airs at 7.15pm Sunday on BBC1. I’ll fire up the blog at 6.45pm for build-up, so I hope you’ll rejoin me then. In the meantime, I’m @michaelhogan on Twitter, so do foxtrot on over and say hi.
Thanks for watching along with me, keeping me company, and all your wit and wisdom. Until tomorrow, Team Sparkle. In the meantime, as if you need telling: keeeeeep dancing!
IvanTiger says of Tasha Ghouri: “Aljaz is so divine! Tasha’s frock is fab for this dance. Magic waltzing. Both so elegant.”
Acanthe adds: “Love the sparkles on Tasha’s implant. Just a lovely little detail. That was beautiful and it’s so good to have Aljaz back.”
MollyintheFolly says of Sarah Hadland: “Ooh, that was all dramatic! Sometimes I even looked away from Vito’s chest.”
emilyscatnaps says of Pete Wicks: “I see your kiddiwinks, Shayne, and I raise you two cute pupsters.”
VirgilHilts adds: “Did I just see what I thought I saw during Pete and Jowita’s dance? Nippety slippety.”
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Whistledownthewind says of Jamie Borthwick: “I thought that was a decent rumba from Jamie for week 2. The Strictly wind machine was in full force. And no, I don’t mean Anton.”
GreatIsMyNewt says of Nick Knowles: “I always feel sorry for the slebs when the producers give them such shit music to dance to. Parklife just seems such a weird choice.”
Gardener_Maidhc says of Montell Douglas: “I always feel a little sorry for the celebrities who have to dance a samba next to Johannes but Montell almost kept up. If they repeat that dance in the final (they’d better make it), she will absolutely manage it.”
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Some Toyah Willcox comments now. Rufusonly says: “Toyah was better than last week but it still puts her in the dance-off. Neil’s choreography was dull, dull, dull. Her dancing was clumpy.”
YodaknowsAll says: “Toyah is in her mid-60s, people. Her dancing may not be all that, but her energy is to be applauded.”
Likeavisionshedances says: “Toyah resembles a labrador puppy sometimes and they are very hard to train. Not sure Neil has the skills.”
ReclinedPotato adds: “Noticing how Toyah’s hair is roughly doubling in size every week. If she makes it to Musicals Week, it will look like Neil is dancing with Cousin It from the Addams family.”
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EmmyHarb says: “Agree that it’s too early for a Charleston. After just watching Chris McCausland dance, though, I feel sure he could take it on and smash it!”
Peterhans says: “Kind of wish Chris wouldn’t spend so much time trying to get at Craig. You don’t need it, mate.”
Shazza2704 adds: “I predict a Craig/Chris BBC Road Trip series on the horizon. With Chris driving, obvs.”
MarkRoche says of Wynne Evans: “I’m not a purist but proper ballroom done with appropriate music makes such a difference - that was magic from Wynne and Katya.”
Rufusonly says of JB Gill: “After two years from hell, Amy has a partner who can go all the way. JB is so good that the judges are far more critical of him than any of the dancers so far. Unfair but he’ll come through. Enjoyed that dance.”
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On Paul Merson, Somersetlass says: “Was that the worst salsa ever? Still, they looked as if they both enjoyed it, and Karen was so brave to include those lifts. Just once, I’d like to see her with a partner who has some hope of getting further than week three.”
emilyscatnaps adds: “Oh Craig - drinks at the barbecue giving you confidence? Really? Big mistake, love. You’re going to feel sooo bad when you realise what you just said.”
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On tonight’s music playlist, Pengolina123 says: “In exciting news, the Pengolina Campaign for proper Viennese Waltzes performed to music by members of the Strauss dynasty is finally making some progress!”
BumbleBall adds: “First proper Viennese waltz music, now proper Charleston music! What’s happening?”
Readers’ verdicts
A rapid-fire vox pop of your comments. On tonight’s costumes, YodaKnowsAll says: What is Paul Merson dressed as? Looks like some children have had a fight in Dorian from Birds of a Feather’s wardrobe.”
RivendellElrond says: “Toyah, the only contestant whose costumes are toned down compared to her professional clothes.”
Lidoswimmer says: “I’m sure Vicky Gill just pops down to Old Compton Street to buy some of Gorka’s outfits.”
Poppieshen adds: “Vicky Gill has bought a job lot of oversized fringing hasn’t she?”
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It’s this week’s Golden Glitterballs!
They’re the most coveted awards in, well, this liveblog. And possibly some other places too. Here’s this week’s gong-getters…
Best dance: Tasha Ghouri’s gorgeous Viennese waltz. Although Sarah Hadland’s paso closed proceedings with a bang and Chris McCausland’s foxtrot was fab-ew-lous.
Worst dance: Paul Merson’s salsa. Or was it a samba?
Best music choice: The two Blue waltzes (Misty Blue and Blue Danube), as well as the traditional Charleston choice for Sam Quek.
Worst music choice: Parklife. It’s the new Vindaloo. Has someone put Alex “Cheestrings” James in charge of Dave Arch?
Best outfit: A tie between golden Nadiya and green Nancy.
Worst outfit: Paul Merson and Karen Hauer’s clashing leopardskin and Hawaiian prints were like a migraine in a fabric shop. Fetish-wear Gorka keeping on his sunglasses during the dance was also “interesting”.
Best judges’ comment: Craig telling Dr Punam she was “bordering on invertebrate” and saying “skibidi rizz” (cringe) to Tasha.
Worst VT: Shayne Ward banging on about his tough week on social media, which nobody had noticed until he banged on about it. Also played the “cute kids” card too early.
Best Claudia quip: On social media: “I’m 52. I’ve posted four times this year and one of those was by accident.”
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Maggie Smith tribute programming tonight
TV viewers can now stay on BBC1 for a comedians edition of The Weakest Link or flip to BBC2 for a hastily scheduled repeat of Dame Maggie Smith: Talking Pictures. Music documentary The Battle For Black Music has been pushed back to 10.40pm on BBC2.
If you’re in the market for a film, Bridesmaids is on ITV2 at 9pm. At 9.10pm, Maggie Smith stars in Quartet on BBC2. Night owls can stay up for Once Upon a Time In Hollywood (11.05pm on Channel 4), A Bigger Splash (12.20am on BBC2) or Mulholland Drive (12.45am on Film4).
Combined leaderboard is in
When tonight’s scores are combined with last week’s, Tasha Ghouri sits atop the joint leaderboard – well, she did just notch this year’s first nines – followed by Sarah Hadland, with JB Gill in third.
Way down at the bottom is Toyah Willcox, with Paul Merson two points above. However, the viewer vote will play its part in who will dance-off for survival tomorrow. As well as Toyah and Paul, Dr Punam Krishnan and even Nick Knowles could be in for a nervous wait.
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Credits roll
“Keeeeeep dancing,” trill Tess and Claud, clasped in their usual pose. As the confetti settles and Elstree caretakers start to mop floors and stack chairs, please stay with us for analysis, reaction and a round-up of your comments.
The night’s 15 routines get recapped on-screen now. Voting lines are… open! Propfest ensues. Textbook Craig face. Who are you voting for? Who are you definitely not?
Judges’ scores for Sarah and Vito: 8, 8, 8, 8 for a total of 32 points. Second highest score on the night.
Judges’ comments for Sarah and Vito: Craig says “that got me going, darling, a little too straight and cha-cha-like but you are impressive”. Motsi says “boom, in your face loved the finish, beautiful story, made a mistake but kept going, absolutely loved that”. Shirley says “recognisable fundamentals, full of power but work on the neckline”. Anton makes some noises, concludes “you topped off a great night”. I think he meant strap in, rather than strap-on. Ahem.
Sarah and Vito’s paso doble
Reigning pro champion Vito Coppola showed us how it was done in the launch show by reprising his paso with Ellie Leach. Can Sarah Hadland prove a worthy successor? It’s a modern interpretation but with classic traditional detail. Slow, mood opening and the actor is revelling in the dramatics. Powerful and imperious, with swishing skirts, capework and fans. Elbows out and chin up but messy at times, lacking curve and Spanish line. Got better as it went on and gathered momentum. It was Vito’s 32nd birthday yesterday. What a way to celebrate.
Song: Freed From Desire by Gala. The Eurodance anthem by Italian diva Gala Rizzatto has become a favourite on football terraces and will be used again for the men’s World Cup in the USA next year.
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According to Wynne, Paul Merson thought he was dancing the samba, not the salsa. Oops. Easy mistake-ah to make-ah.
Judges’ scores for Pete and Jowita: 4, 6, 6, 6 for a total of 22 points. “I love dancing,” says Pete. “It’s very weird.” Bless him.
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Judges’ comments for Pete and Jowita: Anton says “so much better than last week, smile more but good job”. Craig says “pedestrian and clunky, more lumberjack than cowboy but you told the story and lifts were fantastic”. Motsi says “flirty and romantic but lost fun and freedom in the ballroom bits, let it go”. Shirley concludes “hot chemistry, quite loved it, delightful footwork, get more confidence because it was an improvement”.
Pete and Jowita’s American smooth
Pete Wicks said this week “I’m about as smooth as sandpaper” but admitted he’s enjoying learning to dance a lot more than he thought he would. It’s a cowboy love story to this summer’s huge country-rock hit. After criticism of last week’s paso, “Petitia” have been focusing on the technical side, trying to nail proper foxtrot steps. A little pedestrian with a sticky-out bottom but nice storytelling. A flying leap into his arms and a daring spin. Jowita’s always been known for epic lifts. Not technically grwst but enjoyable.
Song: I Had Some Help by Post Malone feat Morgan Wallen. It spent six weeks at the top of the US chart and was officially crowned Billboard’s Song of the Summer.
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Judges’ scores for Shayne and Nancy: 7, 8, 8, 8 for a total of 31 points. A 10-point improvement and second highest of the night so far.
Judges’ comments for Shayne and Nancy: Shirley says “keep your confidence, you’re a great dancer and hard worker, sharp and grounded, I believed the storyline”. Anton says “good compact frame, stay inside the dance for intensity, you could be a real powerhouse”. Craig says “you’re the one to watch”. Motsi concludes “intense, led well, smooth feet and control, shining star, you excelled, great comeback to the haters”. Who are these haters, exactly? But happy for him.
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Shayne and Nancy’s tango
“Shancy” finished in the bottom half of the leaderboard last week with a frisky but technically deficient disco samba. Now he needs to nail the tango posture and passionate mood, be strong and lead Nancy. Casino setting, Argentine touches and imperious mood. Full of attack and aggression, if lacking a little staccato snap.
Song: The Door by Teddy Swims. Last year’s R&B hit by the man with the slightly less cool real name of Jaten Collin Dimsdale.
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Judges’ scores for Tasha and Aljaž: 8, 9, 9, 9 for a total of 35 points. Top score of the series and highest ever for a week two Viennese.
Judges’ comments for Tasha and Aljaž: Anton says “give us a chance, I wanted a fault so I could mark you down, seamless flow, immaculate frame, gorgeous footwork”. Craig says “dance of the night” (told you!). Motsi says “love watching you, you brought us in, keep it up, amazing”. Shirley concludes “Aljaž, I’ve watched you since aged 12 and you’ve got a wonderful partner, I’m quite emotional”. First nines of the series incoming?
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Tasha and Aljaž’s Viennese waltz
After a highly promising start last week, finishing joint second on the leaderboard, Tasha tackles her first ballroom dance. Her cochlear implant affects her balance and makes this dizzying dance an extra challenge but you wouldn’t know it. Slow with lovely long lines. Lots of rotation, reverse turns and fleckerls. Returning pro Aljaž Škorjanec is a ballroom boy and has schooled her well footwork-wise. Lovely changes of pace and gaw-jus mood. Dance of the night so far.
Song: Misty Blue by Dorothy Moore. This country blues classic was written in 1966 but Moore’s version was a hit a decade later reaching, number five on the UK chart. Mississippi diva Moore is now 77 and still performing live.
Judges’ scores for Montell and Jojo: 8, 7, 7, 8 for a total of 30 points. Joint highest score on the night, joint second so far overall.
Judges’ comments for Montell and Jojo: Motsi says “control, changes of rhythm, loved the voltas and squeezed core but work on the feet”. Shirley says “great performer, chemistry, work on your flow”. Anton says “love it, keep doing that”. Craig concludes “Montell did well, darling, you were giving it the full Brazilian – carnival not wax, loved it”. Sevens and eights?
Montell and Jojo’s samba
The Gladiator wowed with a West End-worthy quickstep last week, finishing joint fourth on the leaderboard. Now Team MoJo bid to burn up the floor with a red-hot Rio carnival dance. It’s speedy, spicy and dynamic. Montell looking fabulous in a fiery-toned fringed frock. The routine incorporates her signature move as Fire from Gladiators (pugil stick not included). Lacks bounce, footwork and hip motion. She looks like she’s struggling to keep up with Jojo at times but great intensity, hot as hell and cracking in the solo sections
Song: Fuego by Eleni Foureira. This dance-pop banger represented Cyprus at Eurovision 2018 and finished runner-up, the nation’s best ever result in the contest. It was beaten by Netta’s Toy. Remember that?
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Judges’ scores for Nick and Luba: 5, 5, 5, 6 for a total of 21 points. An improvement of three points. Nick gives an earnest interview with a distracting piece of glittery confetti stuck in his quiff.
Judges’ comments for Nick and Luba: Craig says “ploddy but you have potential”. Motsi says “practice and we’ll get there”. Shirley says “you only had 16 hours to get this together and made no mistakes, amazing”. Anton concludes “footwork and frame not too bad, lovely partnering”. Fives and sixes?
Nick and Luba’s American smooth
He injured his arm changing a tyre at roadside (how manly) and had to train one-armed for a few days. Can Nick make it work with reduced training time? Let alone lifts? Country pub with bench-ography to open, then into hold. Decent if lacking lightness, sparkle and glamour. A bit lumpen but respectable under the circumstances.
Song: Parklife by Blur. The 1994 Britpop anthem was performed by The Massed Bands of the Household Division at the closing ceremony of the London 2012 Olympics. Noel Gallagher mocked Blur at the Brit Awards by singing “Marmite!” instead.
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Judges’ scores for Toyah and Neil: 3, 5, 5, 5 for a total of 18 points. Six more than last week but still bottom of the combined scoreboard. Some accidental “drilling” innuendo there. Neil makes a case for Toyah doing Movie Week.
Judges’ comments for Toyah and Neil: Anton says “1,000 times better than last week, more of that please”. Craig says “commitment but heavy and flat-footed, thrown away but loved your energy and abandonment which sold it”. Motsi says “great comeback, you lived the dance”. Shirley concludes “much better, you’re my rock chick, liked the kick-ball changes and windmill”.
Toyah and Neil’s jive
Toyah Willcox is a fighter and she’ll need to be. She scored just 12 points for last weeks bizarre. head-shaking tango, bottom of the leaderboard by a five point margin. She revealed this week that she once shared a dressing room with Tina Turner and saw her naked. Steamy windows indeed. Western-style jive in a Dolly Parton-esque sparkly cowgirl get-up. Writhing around on a bar to start, takes far too long to start actually jiving. She needs to keep those legs pumping and her steps compact. Still flinging her head around too much and feet stuck to the floor. Lacks bounce and retraction. No energy in the legs. Yee-not-very-hah.
Song: Nutbush City Limits by Ike & Tina Turner. The 1973 hit paid tribute to Tina’s rural Tennessee hometown. It’s long been rumoured that an uncredited Marc Bolan played guitar on the track.
Judges’ scores for Jamie and Michelle: 6, 7, 7, 7 for a total of 27 points. A four-point improvement on last week and well deserved. “Rumba bumba baby,” says Jamie. Well, quite.
Judges’ comments for Jamie and Michelle: Shirley says “danced with no fear, I saw some wonderful feet and hands, delicious things, work on the flow in between but it pleased me no end”. Anton says “terrific and calm”. Craig says “lacked emotional connection, dance-by-numbers and lost story”. Shirley squabbles with him. Motsi concludes “you did a man’s job, you’re a talented dancer, keep pushing”.
Jamie and Michelle’s rumba
The EastEnders actor tackles the earliest rumba for 15 years. It’s notoriously difficult for celebrity males but Jamie Brothwick insists he’s been enjoying the challenge. After his Christmas special triumph, he said he was “humbled” by last week’s middling scores for his Viennese waltz. This looks better. It’s set on a beach, with a wind machine rippling his shirt. All a bit Westlife. Lacks some undulation in the hips and too static when it needs continuous motion. Sensual and slow. Nice arms, great mood and romantic atmosphere.
Song: Ain’t No Sunshine by Bill Withers. Kelvin Fletcher and Oti Mabuse performed a rumba to the same song five years ago and went on to win the glitterball. No pressure.
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Judges’ scores for Chris and Dianne: 6, 7, 8, 8 for a total of 29 points. Six more than last week. Chris isn’t happy because they put him on 10 minutes before Wolves vs Liverpool ends. That’s half his core voters not watching. I don’t think he needs to worry.
Judges’ comments for Chris and Dianne: The crowd go nuts. Motsi says “you made it look easy, smooth and controlled but maintain your frame”. Shirley says “fantastic heel pull, Dianne’s teaching is off the scale, beautiful footwork, you’re an example to the rest”. Anton says “smooth across the floor, wonderful feet and timing”. Craig concludes “your fingers bothered me, splayed like bananas on her back, smile but I love your spirit and musicality is beyond”. Sixes and sevens, do we say?
Chris and Dianne’s foxtrot
Blind comedian Chris McCausland blew everyone away with his Beatles cha cha last week. He proved he could entertain, now he needs to show some technique. The judges picked up on his hunched shoulders, so he needs to roll them back. Dianne Buswell has been shouting “frame!” at him in training all week. Chris says the technically tricky foxtrot is at leat “easier on a 47-year-old body”. Bench-ofgraphy to begin. Gentle, elegant and gliding. Decent drive and foot action. Even a floor spin and a drop lift. Sweet as hell. Magical and miraculous. How do they do that?
Song: Be Young, Be Foolish, Be Happy by The Tams. The 1968 R&B gem became a Northern Soul favourite, and was covered by both Slade and Scouse songbird Sonia.
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Judges’ scores for Sam and Nikita: 4, 6, 6, 6 for a total of 22 points. One point fewer than last week. Sam says she’s had a tough week and admits she was a beat behind. I thought the judges were a little harsh.
Judges’ comments for Sam and Nikita: Craig says “synchronisation was out, poor transition, sloppy footwork, heavy lifts but a-may-zing swivel at the end”. Motsi says “lots of personality, get your weight forward, a loaded routine, spirited but keep repeating it”. Shirley says “tidy up the details but you’re a great performer”. Anton concludes “super but out of sync, make the music your friend”.
Sam and Nikita’s Charleston
The first Charleston of the series now - early for a non-performer to attempt it. At least Sam Quek is at home with the hockey theme and jolly hockeystick props. Nice flapper girl bob. Fast and frantic. Sam is struggling to coordinate her arms and legs at times but misses synchronisation in the side-by-side section. Needs to finish the moves more and not enough swivel for you-know-who but bags of kooky character. Lifts, tricks, loads of stamina and bags of fun
Song: Charleston by Bob Wilson & his Varsity Rhythm Boys. This classic 1920s jazz version is the most-streamed Charleston music on iTunes.
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Judges’ scores for JB and Amy: 7, 7, 6, 7 for a total of 27 points. Four down on last week but edging ahead of Wynne on the combined scoreboard.
Judges’ comments for JB and Amy: Motsi says “I could see the hard work in the walks, need leg action as well as feet, but slick and cool”. Shirley says “keep the posture still but I liked it”. Anton says “solo work great but needed more Latin fluidity”. Craig concludes “almost too much attack which made it look spiky but the hip rolls blew me away”.
JB and Amy’s cha cha cha
JB Gill and Amy Dowden topped the week one leaderboard with their dreamy waltz. Have they peaked too soon or can they maintain that form? Amy’s been putting sheets of paper under his feet in training to keep them on the floor. Pop video opening with hats and waistcoats and scaffolding, then into a fast, furious routine, technically challenging. Sharp and full of attitude but lost his timing a tad in places. Swaggering performance value, though, and lots to like.
Song: Closer by Ne-Yo. The 2009 dance-pop hit is a favourite in teen drama soundtracks, featuring in both Gossip Girl and 90210.
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Judges’ scores for Wynne and Katya: 7, 7, 8, 8 for a total of 30 points. Four up on last week and top at this early stage.
Judges’ comments for Wynne and Katya: Rousing reception in the studio. Shirley says “beautiful, had a bit of everything, lovely soft knees and stride, frame good, all coming together, I want to give you a snuggle bunny cuddle”. So she does! Anton gets a hug too and says “I wish I’d danced that, super from the waist down, lovely lines as well. well done”. Craig gets a kiss, grimaces and says “not many heel leads, I can’t sugarcoat it, but you had command, control and led well”. Motsi concludes “demure, mindful, keep it going to the end of the dance”.
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Wynne and Katya’s Viennese waltz
After last week’s show-closing, chef-themed comedy samba, the Welsh opera singer shifts into romantic gear. It’s set in an opera house, stretching out to the classic music. Dapper tailcoat, technical steps, lots of spins. Wynne’s musicality is serving him well again. Footwork, balance and head position not perfect but gentlemanly and jolly nice.
Song: The Blue Danube by Johann Strauss II. Written by the Austrian composer in 1866, it has cropped up reguarly on screen - memorably in 2001: A Space Odyssey, Titanic and Squid Game.
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Chris McCausland reduces Claudia to hysterics by noting: “By the sound of it, I think Craig’s blinder than I am.”
Judges’ scores for Paul and Karen: 2, 4, 4, 5 for a total of 15 points. Bottom so far. Paul says, brilliantly: “It’s not community service. I don’t have to do this, I want to do it.”
Judges’ comments for Paul and Karen: Anton says “I get so excited when you dance, it thrills me no end, there was no technique but full of surprises”. Craig says “like a comedy wedding dance, those shunts were terrible, glued to the floor while Karen danced around you but the lifts were good”. Motsi says “your pants are off the hook, you entertained us, keep up the energy”. Shirley concludes “I’m a little lost for words but pure entertainment”. I fear Craig’s 2 paddle could be coming out…
Paul and Karen’s salsa
This should be… interesting. Paul “Merse” Merson struggled with the American smooth last week, relying on football trimmings and novelty moves. Will a salsa suit him better? Starts out at a glitterball babecue. He’s light on his feet but not nearly loose enough in the hips. Fun, party mood, if too walky-aroundy and lacking in Cuban spice. Oddly jerky hip thrusts. He should be prepared for a relegation battle.
Song: Fireball by Pitbull feat John Ryan. A global hit in 2014 but surely its greatest achievement was soundtracking the trailer for the Shaun The Sheep Movie.
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Judges’ scores for Punam and Gorka: 4, 5, 4, 5 for a total of 18 points. One down on last week. Dance-off danger?
Judges’ comments for Punam and Gorka: Motsi says “loved the sass and styling but for the ballroom partnering, your posture let you down”. Shirley concludes “strong and dynamic upper half but weaker downstairs”. Anton says “stylish, tremendous open work but went floppy in hold”. Craig concludes “heading towards invertebrate, lacked tone”. Fours, do we think?
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Punam and Gorka’s foxtrot
Dr Punam was in the bottom five last week, so needs to climb out of the danger zone. She’s gone from Kylie to Shania, like the legends’ slot at Glastonbury. Or maybe a hen do. Messin’ abaht with a guitar and top hat to start. Gorka’s sunglasses somewhat undermining the Hollywood glamour and elegance. Decent posture and ballroom hold but gapping and lacking glide. Sassy solo sections and kicks, though.
Song: Man! I Feel Like A Woman! by Shania Twain. The Canadian country-popper Grammy-winning empowerment song has a video that was a role-reversed version of Robert Palmer’s Addicted To Love, with Twain singing in front of a band of buff-but-blank-faced male models, as referenced by that opening.
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Greg Davies on the Ts & Cs
The strapping star of Taskmaster and The Cleaner appears on the balcony to read the voting smallprint. Shouty. And approximately twice the size of Claudia.
Judges’ scores for Tom and Nadiya: 3 (boo!), 6, 5, 6 for a total of 20 points. Three down on last week.
Judges’ comments for Tom and Nadiya: Shirley says “you stood straighter, tiny mishap on Nadiya’s part but you coped well and carried on”. Anton says “very dynamic but hesitant in places”. Craig says “you didn’t look comfortable in your body, lacked fluidity, hips stiff, arms too loose, dance to your height, that’s enough for week two”. Motsi concludes “good student, clean steps, improved energy”. Sixes a-coming? Tess and Claud want to borrow their outfits for Blackpool. Yep, we’re using the B-word already.
Tom and Nadiya’s cha cha cha
Opening the show is Olympic swimmer Tom Dean - this year’s youngest celebrity and the one with the biggest feet. His size 13s might be good in the pool but they’re harder to control on dry land. He’s apparently been treading on partner Nadiya Bychkova’s toes a lot. She’s been using golfing analogies in training to loosen him up and get those pendulum hips going. Head-to-toe sparkles in a disco-esque routine. Decent attempt at the tricky leg action. Body rolls. For a sportsman, a bit dad-dancey but pretty darned good – although Nadiya struggled to get up off the floor in heels for a moment back there.
Song: Boogie Wonderland by Earth, Wind & Fire. Ashley Roberts and Pasha Kovalev performed a week 2 cha cha cha to the 1979 disco classic six years ago. They scored 32 points and went on to reach the final. Some precedent.
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Our Strictly stars™
Our 15 couples come out for welcome waves. Fancy dress includes cowgirl Toyah, cowboy Pete Wicks and Paul Merson in leopardprint trousers. Gorka Marquez has his nipples out in a sheer black top.
Judges are in the building
The fab four of Craig Revel Horwood, Motsi Mabuse, Anton Du Beke and Shirley Ballas strike a pose. Cue the usual synchronised sit-down.
Frockwatch
Here comes our two-headed hosting hydra so time for the customary fashion face-off. Tess Daly is in pink off-the-shoulder ruffles. Claudia Winkleman is in sparkly forest green. Claud wins.
There’s an awful lot of arm-folding on the title sequence this year, along with some hair-tossing, nose-touching and piggy backing.
Aaaaand we’re off!
Cue tension-building VT.
Charge your glasses and open a grab-bag of Monster Munch. We’re about to go over live to Elstree…
The new series of Alan Carr’s Numberwang, sorry, Picture Slam just wrapping up on BBC1 now. Carr seems to be tipped for the ballroom every year but has never signed up. Sort it our, you spexy beast.
The contest intensifies from here on in. They’ve had half the rehearsal time this week but still need to show the judges some improvement. Last week saw an impressive seven scores of 8 - but also a hat-trick of 2s.
It’s a mere five minutes until the glittery curtain comes up…
Toyah tipped for first exit
She was bottom of last week’s scoreboard and Toyah Willcox is bookies’ strong favourite for the first elimination, with Paul Merson favourite to face her in the dance-off.
Just behind are Nick Knowles and Punam Krishan. Can they raise their hoofing game? Just 10 minutes until choreographic kick-off…
On your dance cards tonight
We’ll see our first rumba and Charleston of the series this evening – too early, perhaps? - along with two cha-chas, two foxtrots, two Viennese waltzes and two American smooths. Not long now until showtime…
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Buckle up. The running time tonight is an epic 135 minutes - mercifully, five minutes shorter than last week’s opener. But hey, at least the field will get whittled down from now on, so the live shows will gradually shrink. It’s just 15 minutes until the ballroom bell goes…
Let’s play week 2 bingo
Tick them off when you spot them on-screen! Take a drink for each! Go cross-eyed before bedtime! Here’s your 10-point spotter’s checklist for tonight:
A celebrity from another BBC show pops up on the balcony to read out the voting Ts&Cs
Paul Merson looks amusingly deadpan/thoroughly miserable, depending on your reading of it
Couple get a standing ovation and Tess exclaims “They’re on their feet!”
A celebrity refers darkly to “online trolls” or “tabloid stories” this week. You have no idea what they’re talking about
Anton calls Shirley “lady captain”
Pro can be clearly seen barking instructions to celeb throughout their routine
Dance-off is described as “dreaded” and its mere mention gets an “oooh” from the studio audience
Overlong plug for spin-off show It Takes Two/a podcast/social media account
Mention of a “journey”, “comfort zone” or “showcasing a different side to myself”
Pros and celebs wave random fancy dress accessories as voting lines are declared open
First elimination this weekend
A reminder of the deal tonight. There was no public vote or elimination last weekend. Instead the judges’ scores will be carried over to this week, combined with tonight’s totals and us viewers can vote for our favourites for the first time.
It’s all collated and the bottom two will be consigned to the dreaded dance-off tomorrow night. The loser will get cruelly sent home.
Nobody wants that sparkly-handled wooden spoon, so our pro-celebrity couples will be trying hard to impress the judges and earn public votes. It’s dancer-eat-dog out there.
Time for Strictly to get serious
Strap in, sparkle fans, because tonight our couples are dancing for survival - and viewers get their say for the first time.
Good evening and welcome to the first elimination weekend of Strictly Come Dancing 2024. I’m Michael, your virtual dance partner. You are cordially invited to watch along with me as we go live for the second time this year.
After last week’s inaugural live show, our 15 pro-celebrity pairings will take to the Elstree Studios ballroom floor once again. On the upside, they should have got over their first-night nerves. On the downside, they’ve only had a week’s training time for tonight’s routine, rather than a fortnight - and they know that more is at stake.
Yes, 15 is about to become 14. Last week’s scores will be combined with tonight’s. Add in the first public vote, then the bottom two couples will dance for survival on Sunday night in this year’s first dreaded dance-off. So who’ll be sent home with their sequin-spangled tail between their legs? Nobody is safe and it’s all to dance for.
It’s showtime at 6.15pm on BBC One. I’ll be liveblogging from 5.45pm, providing build-up, rolling coverage, analysis, reaction and daft gags. So please don your glittery gladrags and I’ll see you on the sofa.
As always, I’d love to hear from you too. You can tweet me @michaelhogan, email me michael.hogan.freelance@guardian.co.uk and the comments section below is open for cha-cha-chat as usual. I’ll rumba-walk down there every now and again to gauge your reaction to the show. Please don’t be shy about sharing your thoughts.
No pressure, class of 2024, but let’s get down to proper ballroom business. Nearly time to, yep, staaaaaart dancing!
