The Late Show host searched for a metaphor to describe the second Donald Trump presidency and lambasted the president’s attempt to rename the Gulf of Mexico.
Stephen Colbert
After a week away from The Late Show, Stephen Colbert returned to the Ed Sullivan Theatre on what is now known as Presidents Day, with one question – “to those who celebrate: why?”
Especially with the current president in office. “While I was gone, he did a lot,” the host summarized. “And it’s hard to figure out, among all the things that he did, which is the most … the most. Which is the most of what he did.
“Each one of the things that he did individually seem so criminal, so catastrophic, that sometimes you can’t see the forest through the trees,” he added before a video of a forest in flames. “I have another metaphor. I have a lot of metaphors. I don’t like them, but that’s all I have right now.”
The host also suggested the old line about the frog in the slowly boiling water, “except I don’t think that metaphor really captures the situation that we’re in right now. Yes, there is a pot. But we’re all frogs. We’re all in the water, and we know that it’s going to boil. And half of us are screaming, ‘let’s get out of the pot!’ And half of us are screaming, ‘crank up the heat! Make the stove great again!’ And we say, ‘wait, no, you’re in here, too! You’re going to boil!’ And they say, ‘good! I don’t care, as long as you die, too!’ And the chef is leaning over the pot saying, ‘technically, none of you are being boiled, you’re being poached.’”
In other Trump news, the president posted on Truth Social a quote attributed to Napoleon: “He who saves his country does not violate any law.”
“To be clear, Trump is pre-announcing that he’s going to break any law he wants to get whatever he wants,” Colbert explained. “Now, I’m no revolutionary – I can’t grow the beard. But that is a tyrannical declaration of power and as an American patriot, I have to say: the British are coming, the British are coming.”
Among the many things Colbert took issue with was Trump unilaterally renaming the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America. After the Associated Press refused to accept the change in their coverage, the White House indefinitely banned them from the Oval Office and Air Force One. “You can’t get mad at the AP for not using your stupid name!” Colbert exclaimed. “The thing you should get mad at the AP about is not using the Oxford comma in their style guide.”
Also last week, Trump named himself chair of the John F Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts in Washington DC, and purged the board of everyone appointed by Joe Biden. He replaced them with political allies, donors and their wives, including the second lady, Usha Vance.
“Well, if her husband has any input, get ready to see Kiss Me Couch, Diddler on the Pouffe and of course, The Sound of Me Porkin’ This Sofa,” Colbert joked.
“He never did any of that,” Colbert clarified, “but I can lie, too.”
