Late-night hosts talk Joe Biden’s Oval Office address, Melania Trump’s upcoming memoir and the end of brat summer.
Stephen Colbert
On Thursday’s Late Show, Stephen Colbert recapped Joe Biden’s Wednesday night address from the Oval Office explaining his decision to drop out of the presidential race and endorse Kamala Harris as the Democratic candidate. “I revere this office, but I love my country more,” said Biden. “It’s been the honor of my life to serve as your president. But the defense of democracy, which is at stake, is more important than any title.”
“That humility and self-sacrifice is so beautiful and truly patriotic, and a refreshing change from the last guy,” Colbert said.
Biden’s address was “poignant, sincere and exactly what the country needed”, he added. “So naturally, Trump hated it. He spent most of the evening at a North Carolina rally focused on the real issue gripping the country: desperately workshopping a new nickname for Kamala Harris.”
The former president hasn’t found a keeper yet, Colbert noted. “Ever since the terrible attack two weeks ago, everyone’s been speculating that we might get a kinder, gentler Trump, including Trump.”
As Trump put it: “You know, I was supposed to be nice. They say something happened to me when I got shot, I became nice … and when you’re dealing with these people, these are very dangerous people, when you’re dealing with them, you can’t be too nice. You really can’t be. So if you don’t mind, I’m not going to be nice, is that OK?”
“National unity … time of death … 6:20pm,” Colbert lamented.
Trump also referenced his decade-old show, the Apprentice, with the line: “Kamala, you’re fired!”
“That’s a 10-year-old reference!” Colbert exclaimed, breaking out his Trump impression. “Kamala, you’re fired. Stop trying to make fetch happen. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose, it’s true.”
In other political news, Harris leads voters aged 18-34, 60% to 40%. “Oh yes, we youth love Kamala Harris,” Colbert deadpanned. “Dab on, my rizz kings, I am one of you!”
Harris received a boost among the youth after singer Charli xcx tweeted “Kamala IS brat,” referring to her hit album of the summer. “But after a bunch of middle-aged news droops jumped on the trend,” the music website Pitchfork declared: “brat summer is dead.”
“Goodbye, brat summer. We hardly knew what ye meant,” Colbert joked.
Jimmy Fallon
On the Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon also recapped Biden’s address. “Things got off to a fun start when he said ‘My fellow Americans, Kamala is brat,’” he joked.
“It was a very graceful speech,” he continued, “then at the end Biden surprised everyone by announcing his candidacy for 2028. And you’re like ‘No, stop! Stop, please.’”
Axios reported that Trump watched Biden’s speech on his plane. “Trump made it five minutes into the speech before changing the channel” to Love Island USA, Fallon joked.
Trump announced he’s releasing a new book, titled Save America, ahead of the election. “It’s historic – Trump is the only person who writes books and gets booked in the same year,” Fallon quipped.
And Melania announced that she’s also releasing her own self-titled memoir. “She went with Melania because Les Miserables was already taken,” said Fallon. “At Melania’s request, her book and Trump’s book will be at the same store but live in separate sections.”
