Late-night hosts talked Donald Trump’s post-conviction interviews, Joe Biden’s executive order restricting immigration and upside-down flags as a Maga symbol.
Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert opened Tuesday’s Late Show with news that Joe Biden is on the cover of the new issue of Time magazine. “That’s right, he’s courting the youth vote where they hang: print media,” Colbert joked. “Next stop: zeppelins.”
The cover features the headline “If He Wins”, the same once used for Trump. “Next, they’re planning a cover featuring RFK Jr: If He Worms,” Colbert quipped.
“I believe it is brave for Biden to do this cover because he’s side by side with his nemesis: time,” he added.
In other Biden news, the president issued an executive order on Tuesday that will seal the border with Mexico to asylum seekers when the number of claims rises above a daily threshold of 2,500. Critics have called the order the most restrictive border policy instituted by any modern Democrat. “That is a tough needle to thread, being an anti-immigration liberal,” Colbert said. “‘So we’re going to seal the border, folks, but the wall is going to be gluten-free, and the barbed wire is going to be pro-choice! It’s not a border wall, it’s a bord-her wall.”
Meanwhile, since Trump’s conviction, the former president has “really fallen on hard times – he had to appear on Fox & Friends Weekend,” Colbert joked. Asked about his relationship to God, Trump answered: “Religion is such a great thing … there’s something to be good about … if you don’t have heaven you almost say, what’s the reason? Why do I have to be good? What difference does it make?”
“The reason to be good is because of heaven?” Colbert mused. “That’s like a kid saying, ‘If it’s not for the elf on the shelf, I would murder my parents.’”
Seth Meyers
In one of several interviews after his conviction for multiple election fraud felonies last week, Trump said that the trial was tougher on his family than it was on him. “Yeah, no kidding,” said Seth Meyers on Late Night. “Not only did it not keep you up at night, it didn’t keep you up during the day. Jimmy Buffett was never this relaxed.”
Trump also said that he would be willing to serve jail time after being convicted on 34 felony counts, “which would be the first time he’s shared a bedroom in awhile”, Meyers quipped next to a photo of Melania.
According to a new poll, 34% of Republican voters say they are more likely to vote for Trump following his felony conviction, “but that 34% was always going to vote for him”, Meyers countered. “That’s like Snoop Dogg saying ‘I’m really going to smoke weed now.’”
And a new study claimed that Newark, New Jersey, is the second-dirtiest city in America. “The first place? Whichever city is downriver from Newark, New Jersey,” Meyers joked.
The Daily Show
After trying to make a deal on the border for months, Biden just said, “F*ck it, I’ll just do it myself” pic.twitter.com/KH42PgIcRh
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) June 5, 2024
Biden has long been thwarted by Republicans on any deal concerning the southern border, said The Daily Show guest host Ronny Chieng, and “with his polls tanking five months before election day, Biden is finally saying, ‘Fuck it, I’ll just do it myself.’”
The new order, which would temporarily close the border to asylum seekers, marks a sharp political U-turn for Biden, who has long touted his stance on immigration as opposed to Trump’s anti-migrant rhetoric.
Chieng broke down the mixed reactions: “If you watch Fox News, you’re probably like, ‘But I thought Biden wants migrants to flood the country so they can murder my whole family!’ Well, guess what: there’s already enough migrants now to murder your whole family, so Biden doesn’t need you any more,” he said. “If you watch MSNBC, you’re probably upset about what Biden is doing, because some migrants do legitimately need asylum, but I need to give liberals a bit of a reality check. It’s not very popular to have no control over who immigrates to your country. Just ask the Native Americans.
“Look, the fact is that immigrants are vital to America’s economy and its culture, and also let’s be honest, America needs a better World Cup team,” he continued. “But if you want to come to America, you’ve got to do it the right way! Like I did: smuggled in Trevor Noah’s colon.
“I’m kidding, obviously,” said Chieng, who was born in Malaysia and grew up in Singapore. “ I just told Ice that I’m Jackie Chan.”
Jimmy Kimmel
And in Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel mocked the far-right representative Marjorie Taylor Greene for posting a picture of an upside-down flag after Trump was convicted of multiple felonies. “Though we’re unsure if she meant it as a protest, or just doesn’t know which way is right side up,” Kimmel said.
“But lots of other Trumpers have been posting these upside-down flags in support of their orange Jesus, who of course has already come up with a way to make money off this,” said Kimmel before a parody ad for Trump-branded upside-down flags.
The host also touched on a new development in tensions between North and South Korea; in response to pamphlets critical of Kim Jong-un dropped by South Korea in North Korea, Pyongyang sent balloons filled with cigarette butts, scraps of paper and other trash. “This is like what neighbors in Staten Island do to each other,” said Kimmel. “This is one of the most juvenile international disputes of all time.
“If North Korea sent a thousand trash balloons to LA, we’d have no idea – ‘Oh look, it’s the garbage’s birthday!’”
