When you marry someone who already has kids from a previous relationship, you need to be prepared to accept the entire package. Some people manage to do this with ease and grace, while others fail dismally.
One stepfather got more than he bargained for when his wife suddenly left him. And left her three daughters behind. He and the girls have been living happily together for a while now, and have found their “groove”. But things took an unexpected turn recently. The man received an email from his ex, saying she wants her daughters back. And no longer wants him in their life. The devastated stepdad doesn’t know what to do, and turned to the internet for help.
Not everyone is cut out to be a parent, and sometimes stepdads do a better job than biological ones
One man willingly took his ex’s kids full-time when she abandoned them, but he wasn’t expecting her to suddenly want them back
Mothers are meant to nurture, protect and love their children, but some do the exact opposite
The University of Nottingham defines child abandonment “a parent or guardian deserting a child or not providing them with the necessary care.” And adds that it can involve anything from child neglect to dropping a child off at a destination (such as a fire station or a public place) and leaving.
The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC) states that every child has “the right to know and be cared for by his or her parents”. It goes without saying that when a child is abandoned, their rights are violated.
The National Safe Haven Alliance is an NPO dedicated to helping babies who are no longer wanted by their parents. The Alliance revealed that in 2021, “31 babies were placed in dumpsters, found in backpacks, or discarded in other dangerous locations.” 22 of those infants died.
Since the NPO was launched in 1999, more than 4,500 babies have been voluntarily “relinquished” to them. And they’ve found more than 1,600 infants who were abandoned. The majority of those abandoned did not survive.
Image credits: BĀBI/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
There are various reasons why parents abandon their children
As this paper notes, the main causes of child abandonment are “poverty or financial hardship, being a single parent, post-natal depression, mental illness, a lack of sexual health education, poor knowledge regarding family planning, restrictions regarding access to abortion, the child having some form of disability, the child being HIV positive, pregnancy as a result of rape, abuse or force by partner, and a lack of services and resources to support parents who have children with disabilities.”
Being abandoned can have a massive impact on a child. “When a child is abandoned, they experience a deep sense of loss and rejection,” reads the His House Children’s Home site. “This can lead to feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, and a lack of trust in others.”
The emotional scars don’t heal easily and can last right through adulthood, causing problems when it comes to trusting people, and forming healthy relationships. The orphanage adds that the trauma of being abandoned can lead to depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). “These children may struggle with feelings of worthlessness, a fear of forming attachments, and a sense of constant insecurity.”
“The youngest is scared of her”: The man shed some light on his wife’s “erratic behavior and shouting”
In an update, the stepdad revealed that he’s put plans in place to try and keep the girls with him
Image credits: stephen8
Image credits: Brooke Cagle/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Netizens had lots of questions for the man, and he was happy to answer them
People had mixed reactions to the man’s story, but many advised him to get social services involved
