A Merseyside-based trans man is retelling his journey of self-discovery in a book.
Lewis Hancox, originally from St Helens, has decided to share his experiences with the world including how he used to punish himself “for being in the wrong body.” Before living life as his true authentic self, Lewis tried to control how he looked through diet and exercise, which eventually led to a diagnosis of anorexia.
However, after navigating through coming out twice, first as a lesbian, and second, as a trans man, Lewis found himself in a state of mind where he could start working on self-love.
READ MORE: Transitioning was final piece of puzzle for barber
The 32-year-old told the ECHO: “My mental health was massively impacted before I came out. When I started going through what I describe as ‘the wrong puberty’ it felt like my body was betraying me. I was punishing my body because I didn’t recognize it as my own. When I was a kid, I had no words for how I felt. It was the specific gendered parts that didn't feel right, like my curves, intimate bits, my high pitched voice and such. Obviously, these things became all the more exaggerated with puberty and it was painful seeing how the boys were going in the opposite direction from me. I was always me inside, I’ve always been male, just put into a tricky situation - a female body. I just needed to figure that out and make some corrections.”
As a kid, Lewis explained, he would openly say he was a boy. It was only when he got older, he succumbed to outdated societal pressure and “squashed the feeling and tried his best to be a normal teenager girl.” Despite this, Lewis still couldn’t ignore how he was really feeling.
The former St Helens College student added: “I always knew I was different, I just didn’t have the words or awareness to describe it. I was 18 when I first discovered there are people like me out there and all the puzzle pieces fell into place. I told people at different points in my life, so coming out felt never-ending. There’s having to come out to yourself first though, and once you’ve reached that point of self-acceptance it feels so liberating. But, then, of course, I was faced with a lot of fears and questions, like ‘what will my future look like?’ and ‘how do I actually start my transition?’ So it was a proper mixed bag of feelings.”
Lewis, who has nearly 35,000 TikTok followers thanks to his impersonations of British mums, first experienced transphobia when he started transitioning. Back then, he was heckled in the street and subjected to nasty remarks and now, since gaining a following, he realises his platform is a double-edged sword. On one hand, he explained he wanted to educate others, but on the other, he recognises the internet gives trolls confidence they wouldn't possess in person.
The comedy content creator said: “It hurt because my whole life I’d been fighting to be seen as the guy I am. But no matter how many times people tried to knock me down, I never let the pain stop me from reaching for my goals, and that’s what I’ll always say to others in the same position. Now, transphobia is more online than in real life. I like to think I’m very open and approachable so I’ve found that most people I tell will always have a good chat about it and listen with fascination. But people behind a keyboard don’t have that same personable experience.”
Wanting to shed light on his own experiences, Lewis is releasing Welcome to St Hell, a book which he describes as being much more than just a “transition tale.” Created during the first lockdown, Lewis tells his story in comic form after realising there aren’t many out there in the world like his.
Lewis, who also starred in the Channel 4 documentary, My Trans Summer, added: “A driving force behind this was to create the book I wish I’d had growing up. It’s a coming of age story about surviving high school hell, being the only ‘fridge’ (when you’ve never kissed anyone), friend drama, battling bullies and dysfunctional family life. Part two then progresses onto college and tackles topics like discovering your sexuality, cringe crushes and coming out. It’s literally a book for anyone who has ever been an awkward teen misfit trying to find yourself - which I think is all of us.”
Welcome to St Hell is due to be published by Scholastic on Friday, June 3. As well as this, Lewis will be doing an event with the St Helen’s Book Stop on Saturday, June 25, to celebrate the release of the book.
