Riley had hoped university would be where they would meet likeminded people and form lasting, meaningful friendships, shedding the feelings of loneliness that had often surrounded them in their teens.
“I’ve been dealing with degrees of loneliness for a large chunk of my life. I was often reassured by my family that uni would change all that,” they say.
Then the pandemic hit. As Riley was matriculating in Sheffield, the UK was preparing for its second lockdown. Instead of getting involved in societies and nights out at the student union, they spent day after day trapped in their room.
“Most of my studies have been online, so I don’t know anyone on my course. Obviously most societies shut down or went online,” they say. In their second term, as the UK went into its third lockdown, they moved back home for the rest of the year. Although events started running again in their second year, Riley didn’t get involved. “Part of it was nervousness, not knowing how to handle myself,” they say.
Riley says they feel “stunted socially”. “I feel like I don’t know enough about how to socialise in order to make friends properly. I find myself wondering if something’s wrong with me or I give off a bad energy.
“I worry that, because I’ve [finished] uni and school, I’ve missed out on the best chances I’ll ever have to make friends.”
It’s hard to put it down to just one thing, Riley says. “It’s this Gordian knot of my own personal issues, things like the pandemic, and the shape of society. I think people find the idea of in-person communities less important than in the past.”
Riley is one of many young people caught in a cycle of loneliness in the wake of the pandemic and amid the cost of living crisis. Just under one in 10 people aged 16 to 29 reported feeling lonely often or always, according to an analysis of recent Office for National Statistics (ONS) data by the Campaign to End Loneliness – the highest level of all age groups.
This is set against a backdrop of chronic loneliness levels among all age groups, which rose during the pandemic and never really came down again. At the peak of lockdown in late 2020 and early 2021, levels reached 7.2%, and were still at 7.08% two years later. In 2018, the figure had been 5%.
Prof Andrea Wigfield, the director of the centre for loneliness studies at Sheffield Hallam University, says that while social isolation is an objective measure, loneliness is a “subjective, negative feeling”.
Comparison to others plays a part, Wigfield explains, suggesting a link to the role of social media. “The thing that influences loneliness is the social connection [people] desire and what they perceive their peers to have,” she says. “With young people, there’s an expectation that you have an active social life.”
Loneliness among teenagers worldwide, including in the UK, already appeared to be rising before the pandemic, research suggests. “In the past it was always argued older people are the most lonely,” Wigfield says. But “evidence has emerged that young people are as lonely, if not more. It’s hard to say if it’ll continue to be a longterm rise”.
But she also stresses that loneliness is a natural response, “the body telling you you need to find someone to talk to”. “Temporarily it’s the equivalent of being hungry. When it becomes chronic, that’s when it starts affecting health.
“The way in which we live has changed” since the pandemic, Wigfield says. “Online took off and hasn’t gone back to how it was before. The figures for social isolation will definitely have fallen [since lockdown] but people aren’t feeling less lonely. It comes back to the point that you could be in a crowd but still feel lonely.”
Marcus Johnston, 27, a video game artist, is feeling the impact of the way life has changed for many. He lives with his parents in a rural area of North Yorkshire, after moving out of his flatshare as UK society shut down in 2020. He has few friends nearby and works remotely. “It’s great but means you never get that experience of being in an office environment and having that team feeling. I haven’t had a proper job where I’ve had that experience of making friends.”
Johnston says moving home was the right decision at the time, but that he feels isolated and is hoping to share a flat with friends again soon. “It’s an almost constant murmuring at the back of my mind, telling you that you’re lonely, and you need more fulfilling relationships in your life. I often think back on the times where I had more friends and acquaintances around me when I was younger, and it brings me down.”
Echoing Riley’s concerns about a focus on online communities, he says: “The society we live in now seems catered to trap us in digital bubbles, now more so than ever due to working from home.”
The idea that time spent on social networks can leave people feeling more isolated is hardly new, with research suggesting that limiting engagement with social media can reduce feelings of loneliness and the fear of missing out.
Kate, 26, often finds herself alone and scrolling at the weekend. “On a Friday night, I’ll go on Instagram. I follow quite a lot of people who will be out doing stuff with friends and posting. And I’ll feel like: ‘Oh, I’m on my own. Why am I on my own?”
Kate, who works at a university in Oxfordshire, has lived with her parents since finishing university, for both financial reasons and because most of her friends now live in London. She mostly works from home and her colleagues are rarely in the office, which is the main reason she doesn’t go in, she says. “I don’t talk to many people day-to-day and sometimes it can feel like I am disappearing.”
She says that being single is a big driver of her feelings. “People I know from school and still have on social media all seem to be in longterm relationships and even getting married. Sometimes it feels like I’m the only person who isn’t.”
Thinking back to the Covid lockdowns, Kate says she felt less isolated than she does now. “Obviously that was lonely, but not as lonely because everyone was [at home] and there was just more stuff going on like online chats with people and quizzes.
“Everyone was in the same position.”
