Every parent wants what’s best for their little ones. But it’s not always easy to know what exactly that means. There’s plenty of debate surrounding the safest sleeping method for your child, what you should be feeding your kiddos at every age and who should be watching them while you’re at work.
It’s impossible to be perfect, but according to psychoanalyst and parent coach Erica Komisar, LCSW, daycare isn’t the best choice for most families. Below, you’ll find a clip of Erica’s recent interview on The Diary Of A CEO podcast that went viral, as well as a conversation with clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Dr. Corinne Masur.
Daycare is a godsend for many working parents
But Erica Komisar, LCSW, says it’s harmful to leave our kids in someone else’s care at such a young age
You can see the full clip from Erica’s interview right here
@doac.clips Full episode with Erica Komisar out now on The Diary Of A CEO YouTube Channel and all streaming platforms!🤔@Steven Bartlett #foryoupage #fyp #foryou #diaryofaceo #diaryofaceopodcast #podcast #podcastclips #stevenbartlett #doac ♬ original sound – The Diary Of A CEO
“The most optimal situation for a young infant is to be cared for by one or two or three loving adults consistently, over time”
Image credits: Brooke Cagle/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
After having a baby, one of the hardest things to imagine is reaching a day when you won’t be with them for every hour. Eventually, every parent will have to return to work, run errands, hire a babysitter or drop their little one off at daycare to ensure that they can make ends meet and keep their household in order.
But it’s not always easy for parents to decide what to do when they have to leave their kids in the care of someone else. To learn more about this topic, we reached out to Dr. Corinne Masur, a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst. She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss some of the issues with modern childcare.
“From years of research on attachment and loss, we know that the most optimal situation for a young infant is to be cared for by one or two or three loving adults consistently, over time,” the expert shared. “This can be a mother, a father, a grandmother, a nanny or even one or two loving and consistent daycare workers in addition to the parents.”
“What is not optimal is for an infant to be cared for by a constantly changing cast of characters,” Dr. Masur says. “To feel safe and secure, an infant needs to be lovingly cared for by an adult whose rhythms and routines she knows. She needs to be held and soothed and cared for in a consistent way and she needs to be able to build a secure and loving attachment relationship with that person – or with those two or three people.”
“Most optimal is for the infant’s caretaker to be her parent, if that parent is able to be loving and consistent,” the expert continued. “This is most optimal because, presumably, the infant will be raised by that parent over time and will be able to maintain a close and consistent relationship with that person over the course of her childhood and adolescence. This is what is needed for optimal development.”
But Dr. Masur says, “The problem with daycare as it exists in the United States (and perhaps other countries) is that daycare workers are often so poorly paid that they often do not stay at one center for a long period of time. Frequent staff changes are not helpful for the young infant or toddler. The loss of the familiar caretaker represents an important loss for an infant.”
“Moreover, daycare is often a temporary arrangement – so that while even in a good center, where the infant is well cared for, she will often leave after 6 months or a year to go to a different center or she will move up into a different classroom so that her caretaker changes,” she continued. “This is not optimal. Infants are best cared for by the same one or two caretakers for their first three years of life.”
The expert also says that the staff in daycare centers are often overworked and stressed themselves. “This does not enable them to provide optimal care for individual infants.”
“We need to put excellent childcare and early education at the top of our list of priorities”
Image credits: Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
“If daycare centers could assign one or at most, two workers to attend to each individual infant, so that the infant could become familiar with that one or two people over time, this would provide a more optimal nurturing environment,” Dr. Masur told Bored Panda. “And if those workers had adequate time to respond to that infant, soothe that infant, feed and play with that infant over the course of the day, this would provide for the needs of that baby – and if that worker could follow that infant through her early months and into her toddlerhood, that would be most optimal.”
But unfortunately, this isn’t usually possible. “Infants who are cared for by more than two daycare workers, who are cared for by overworked and underpaid daycare workers and who spend long hours at daycare are at risk for experiencing excess frustration, and increased stress levels, for developing difficulties with managing emotions and for developing difficulties with attachment,” the expert shared.
“What is most optimal is for babies and young toddlers to spend six hours or less at daycare per day – even if the daycare is high quality,” Dr. Masur says.
Sadly, she noted that the U.S. does not currently have good options for childcare. “Our government does not adequately support children and parents. If parents are fortunate, they have reliable relatives available to care for their children or if they have the economic resources, they can join a nanny share or they can hire a nanny, babysitter, or au pair. Short of this, daycare is the only option,” the expert explained.
So what changes would we need to see to allow parents to stop relying on daycare? “We would have to see employers allowing parents flexible hours, so that parents could trade off child care responsibilities with one another, and we would have to see employers provide adequate leave time following the birth of a baby (at least 9 months to a year), as well as adequate sick time to care for infants and young children when they are ill,” Dr. Masur says. “We would also need to see governmental economic support for parents to help them to afford adequate babysitting by high quality, experienced and loving sitters.”
Finally, the expert added that “it is time for parents to speak up and to say to their employers and their governmental leaders that they need more help and support to care for their children. They need to speak with or write to their employers and their governments, they need to advocate for their children. We need to put excellent childcare and early education at the top of our list of priorities.”
We would love to hear your thoughts on this video in the comments below, pandas. Then, you can find another Bored Panda article discussing childcare right here.
Many viewers were not amused by Erica’s take, pointing out that working parents don’t always have other options
However, some agreed that young children should be with their parents
