Skins series three: Meet the new characters

'Freddie Mclair's got bags of potential but no va va vooom,' says the Skins press bumph. 'He's happily travelling through life on his skateboard, smoking weed with his mates and staying cool.' Sounds a bit like the typical Skins viewer (no offence if you don't inhale). 'But will Freddie (Luke Pasqualino) be forced to stand up to Cook and assert himself for the first time in his life?' Let's hope that's a rhetorical question, or the Fredmeister's story arc's going nowhere Photograph: Channel 4

To be filed in the character box marked 'quirky'. It's 'master illusionist' JJ, played by Ollie Barbieri. 'With child-like excitement, he dreams up entertaining schemes, Cook carries them out, and Freddie acts as their conscience. They are the best trio in town. What could come between them?' Possibly the fact he has an irritating habit of wearing a watch on each wrist Photograph: Channel 4

'An adorable innocent, Pandora's found a best friend in Effy. With a sweet tooth for naughtiness, Pandora (Lisa Backwell) is sweet, quirky and warm-hearted, and helps keep this new group of friends glued together. Pandora is desperate to lose her virginity, but might just find love instead.' It's at this point that the Daily Mail points out to Channel 4 that losing your virginity and falling in love are not mutually exclusive. Pass the soapbox, please Photograph: Channel 4

'Thomas (Merveille Lukeba) is a good, honest, honourable soul. But finding your feet in a new country is hard and Thomas needs to support his family. He needs money, and friends, but his mum is on his case.' Also, he appears to be wearing a T-shirt and hoodie with matching Nike logos. Isn't that a bit like double denim? There is such a thing as too much wardrobe co-ordination, Thomas. Or are we showing our age? Photograph: Channel 4

The character's called Naomi Campbell - who's her best mate? Kate Moss? - and is played by actor Lily Loveless, which is frankly a much more fun name. Anyway, Naomi is a beautiful idealist, says Channel 4. 'Passionate, political and principled, no one believes in anything anymore - except for her that is. She finds a friend in Emily, but it's complicated.' Yeah, because she insists on doing jazz hands all the time Photograph: Channel 4

'Oozing charisma, James Cook (Jack O'Connell) pulls off daring and dangerous stunts, knowing Freddie will always be there to bail him out. When his dark side emerges there's no act, no matter how selfish or destructive, that Cook won't consider. There's no saying how long Freddie will stick around to save Cook from himself.' He also looks exactly like the sort of chap who intimidates me whenever I try to shop in Top Man. Get out of my face, and take your fresh-faced youthful good looks with you! Photograph: Channel 4

This is 'super smart' Katie Fitch, played by Megan Prescott. She is shedding her identical twin skin and establishing her individuality, it says here. 'She'll try anything to gain status, and relies on her looks to help her succeed. Only Effy sees her legs furiously paddling under the water as Katie tries to make the surface appear calm.' Plus she has snagged her sleeve on that fence and doesn't free herself until episode seven Photograph: Channel 4

'Karen Mclair (Klariza Clayton), Freddie's older sister, dreams of being famous.' Has she thought about Big Brother? 'She's certainly not going to let her little brother, or his mates, knock her off course. The big hole in the Mclair family, since the death of their mum, isn't going to be easily mended though, especially with these two at each others' throats' Photograph: Channel 4

Last but not least, it's Effy, the 'queen bee'. 'Attractive to all around her, utterly in control of herself and totally independent,' apparently. 'But as her home life starts to fall apart, she is torn between new friends too - suddenly Effy (Kaya Scodelario) has more to deal with than ever before.' We can only hope this picture was taken before the recent cold snap. Or she'll have a nasty head cold to deal with as well Photograph: Channel 4