A long-standing aide and friend of Sir David Amess has shared an anguished account of the killing and lingering feelings of guilt and anger.
Julie Cushion was at the church in Leigh-on-Sea when the veteran MP was stabbed to death by Islamic State fanatic Ali Harbi Ali.
On Wednesday, prosecutor Tom Little QC read out her victim impact statement at the Old Bailey before Ali was handed a whole-life order.
In it, Ms Cushion recalled “feeling helpless and hopeless” after Sir David was fatally attacked last October.
I have a huge sense of guilt as I had booked the venue
She said: “Since the 15th October last year I have had to drive by the church where Sir David died nearly every day as it is close to where I live, this is a constant reminder of what happened.
“I have a huge sense of guilt as I had booked the venue. I can never get (colleague) Rebecca’s scream out of my mind as Sir David was attacked and if I hear someone else scream now, I jump and imagine myself back there.
“I can still see and hear the sounds and images of the time, like the crashing of furniture.
“I remember the awful feeling of distress while we waited for help, feeling helpless and hopeless as there was nothing I could physically do to help.
“The moment I realised Sir David had died – when the paramedics stopped running and the crime tape went up – is always running through my mind.
“The expression on the perpetrator’s face as he walked out with the police has stayed with me all the time as he looked so smug, so self-satisfied.”
She recalled “press intrusion” while dealing with the aftermath of what happened.
She added: “I was left with great anger. Should I have spotted something, could I have prevented anything?
“I had to cope with the loss of my boss and good friend who I had known for over 20 years.
“I had worries about unemployment – what would I do?
“Sleep deprivation was a problem. I deliberately kept busy to avoid my mind focusing on the incident continually.
“I now work for the new MP and I always have the fear that she could be attacked.”
