SINGLE parents who are on the front line of the cost of living crisis are facing a mental health catastrophe and are desperately calling for more support.
“You end up feeling like you’re nothing,” single mum-of-two Vickie from Dundee told a room at the launch of a report into living conditions of one-parent families and the issues facing them as prices rise and welfare support stalls.
Vickie, who did not want to give her last name, is one of many lone parents who have seen their marriage or partnership break down and who are desperate to get back to work. But she was told she would be better off staying on benefits unless she could find well-paid full-time hours.
With a 14-year-old son with autism and an 11-year-old son with ADHD, Vickie is their carer and has been patronisingly told she is one of the “lucky ones” who doesn’t have to go out and work a job she doesn’t like to make ends meet.
But Vickie doesn’t feel “lucky”, and neither does Lindsay McCurley, mum to a 14-year-old son with autism, who tried to get back into higher education later in life – when her son went to school – but had to abandon the plan when she was told all of her benefits would be stopped.
Nanda, from Leith, told the Sunday National that her sole focus is on her two young children but that it has made her feel isolated with no family or support around her, as she originally hails from Indonesia.
The relationship with the father of her son, seven, and daughter, five, has completely broken down. Some days, Nanda said, she doesn’t have time to shower or even brush her hair in the morning, and the impact on her mental health has led her to seek help and take antidepressants.
These women are not alone. This is a devastating picture of single parenthood seen across modern-day Scotland.
It’s a catch-22 – stay on benefits and feel as if you can’t contribute to society or take on a full-time job, lose the meagre support that you already have and end up worse off financially.
There are myriad issues: how to find secure housing; how to find flexible work when caring for children, particularly those with additional needs; how to afford childcare if working; the impact on the mental health of both parent and child of being isolated; and, of course, rising costs across the board. There is also a high correlation of single parents or their children having a disability, and the impact is felt more intensely by those in minority groups, who have additional barriers to face.
And if parents decide to pursue child maintenance from their former partner, they will be charged £70 for the privilege. Many described the current system as simply “crap” and admitted they had given up – they had no appetite to fight a losing battle.
Living Without A Lifeline, a report launched last week by One Parent Families Scotland (OPFS), painted a picture of the scale of the challenge – and it’s a big one.
On mental health alone, OPFS research found a clear correlation between single parents struggling with their mental health and those who are finding it difficult or can no longer afford to buy food.
A staggering 83.7% of those who said they are finding it difficult to afford food also said they struggle with their mental health “most of the time”. For those who can easily afford it or are finding it more difficult but not “extremely”, only 34.9% said they struggle with mental health issues most of the time.
Yet the problem isn’t impossible to solve, and the single parents who contributed to the report set out a number of solutions. They want to be heard, and they want more support, but it comes at a time when the welfare policies of the Scottish and UK governments couldn’t be further apart.
ON the day the report was launched, Chancellor Kwasi Kwarteng unveiled plans to cut the benefits of part-time workers, predominantly women who also make up the majority of single parents, if they don’t look for more work.
His tax cuts announced during the mini-Budget on Friday also benefit higher earners, and there is no extra support on the cards for low-income families facing the brunt of the cost of living crisis.
It’s the opposite of the progressive tax system and support that single parents in Scotland are calling for, and despite the Scottish Child Payment being raised to £25 per week, these families are still at the crossroads between poverty and just surviving.
Vickie was told that if she found a job before her legacy benefits stopped and she was moved on to Universal Credit, she would be £100 worse off a month, but she still dreams of finding a job where she can socialise and feel as if she contributes.
She said: “Basically, you end up feeling like you’re nothing. There’s no other way I can describe it.
“You go from being a working woman, who’s worked all her days from school, had a good job, provided for herself completely, to having two children that are special needs, your marriage breaks down because of it, and you’re completely reliant on benefits.
“I’m more than that. I’m more than just a mum that cares for two children.”
McCurley, who was one of the mums who contributed to OPFS research, became emotional as she read out the experiences of other mums and single parents having to decide between heating and eating, fearing that their children will be left out because they can’t afford after-school clubs, or uniforms and packed lunches, or worrying that she’ll have to take money out of her benefits that are meant for her son in order to pay outstanding bills.
“It’s very hard-hitting because you feel very isolated and alone on a day-to-day basis, and people don’t understand,” said McCurley.
“When you read the quotes, when you read the report, you realise you’re not alone, that there are many people who are suffering, feeling inequality and just feeling so low.”
McCurley added that she worries about the children being raised in these conditions, particularly her 14-year-old son.
SHE added: “He will try his hardest not to ask to go to parties and not socialise with friends, to not ask for things at his birthday or Christmas because he’ll tell me, ‘All I need is you, mum, that’s all I want – a hug or love from you’.
“He knows that we can’t afford the things that his friends can, and as wonderful as that is because it’s teaching him money matters, it’s also heartbreaking because you do want to spoil them.
“It’s good that you realise you’re normal, but it’s heartbreaking that so many single parents go through this.”
Nanda, for whom English is her second language, said that she found it particularly tough interacting with the benefits system, which she described as having “no empathy”.
She added: “It’s really tough this life, but it is my choice. Being single is not easy, with no family around and no partner.
“I’m proud of myself, but I need the support. My children are my power. I do everything for them – they are my priority.
“Imagine what it’s like – no partner, no boyfriend, no-one – but I’m still human, and I have responsibilities.”
Vickie, who gave up her career after her marriage broke down, summed up what single parents need – for governments to stop “messing about” with the benefits system and provide real support.
She said: “It actually benefits you to have me be supported to stay at home and look after children because it’s costing you less money if I’m a healthy, happy parent with good mental health and have the money to look after my children.
“Support me when the time is right to pick up employment and support me to do that. If you don’t do that, I’ll be stuck on benefits with bad mental health.”
