A single mum says men refuse to go out with her because she is on benefits. Lynn McDermott, who has a heart condition and spent six months in a coma, says she has even been called a "parasite" by one man she met through a dating app.
Lynn, 48, says she receives hundreds of messages from men on dating sites, but, once they start chatting and she reveals her income source, she says the either stop responding or turn nasty. And, if she does manage to get them to meet up in person, the same thing happens - unless she can avoid talking about money.
Lynn, from Southampton in Hampshire, said: "I get Universal Credit, disability allowance, and ESA [employment allowance] - I get the full whack because of my disability. But it’s not much.
“One guy told me I was a parasite. He said, 'You can walk and talk, why can’t you work?'
"I’m not financially able to take people out, but most of the men are divorcees who seem to think I'm after their money. I'm not looking for any kind of handout in any way, I'm looking for love and that’s all I want. I just want to be loved and to love someone else.”
Lynn, whose children are grown up and have left home, was diagnosed in 2017 with endocarditis, an infection of the inner lining of the heart, which can be fatal. She underwent a valve replacement on Boxing Day that year and was in a coma until June 2018.
She was back in hospital a month later due to immunology problems. Ultimately she was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and was found to be immunocompromised – meaning her body was unable to fight off infections and diseases.
Due to her health conditions, Lynn receives Universal Credit, PIP (Personal Independence Payment) and ESA (Employment and Support Allowance) - totalling approximately £21,000 per year. Lynn, who used to work in sales, says this makes her feel like she is undatable.
She said: “My disability is that I’ve got heart failure but you’d never know it to look at me. I’m put down as disabled and unable to work because of my disability – but no one would know this because I don’t have a leg chopped off or anything and I just carry on with my life.
"I had a PIP assessment and the paperwork with me with the issues I have - the heart failure and everything will not get better. If [men] ask me what I’ve done in my life they realised I’ve had a vast career, I’m driven and I think let’s see what I can do.
“I’d like to question why people on benefits are not fit to be on dating sites – these sites ask you how much you earn and what your job is, so I say approximately £21,000 is what I get in a year. I get loads of replies.
"I last went on Plenty of Fish six weeks ago and had 354 replies from people – they obviously like the look but they just don’t appreciate that I’m disabled and on benefits. I went out on a date with two of them and the first words are, ‘Are you a divorcee?’ and, ‘Do you own your own home?’
“A guy I recently dated asked on the second proper date about finances. "I said, ‘What’s that got to do with anything?’. He said he didn’t want someone sucking all his money away because he was loaded."
Lynn will sometimes quiz men about their perceptions of her. “I’m an open book and that probably aggravates men because I will challenge it," she said.
"I’ve had a couple of people say, 'Yes, everything you’re saying is right - but it’s still not for me' and I can accept that. What I don’t accept is that I’m undatable because I’m on benefits and people on benefits are no one, they’re scum.
“For me, I don’t know where this hatred of benefits comes from."
She describes men who react negatively to her situation as "uneducated and judgemental", adding: "All I want is trust, reliability, for them to love me as much as I love them. If people want to judge me without knowing me, that’s their failure.”
