How the bill gets paid at the end of a meal is a good test of just how close your friends actually are. We tend to not think that a handful of dollars can actually end a relationship, but some people are willing to die on this hill.
TikToker user and single mom Remiandaryan shared her frustration at a friend who pressured her into covering a $150 group dinner bill, despite her purposefully ordering less all evening. Commenters sided with her, arguing that a group of adults should be able to pay their own dinner bills at the end of the day.
More info: TikTok
A woman was shocked to learn that her friend wanted her to cover a group dinner bill
“You know, that guy who went to a birthday dinner, and he didn’t know anybody there and everybody was ordering really expensive stuff. So when he got up to go to the bathroom, he paid for his meal, went back to the table. Everybody’s arguing about the food. And he’s like, I already paid for my stuff. And his homegirl, his friend, later told him, that was so inappropriate. You embarrassed me, that was wrong. You’re rude for doing that. That happened to me.”
“This was like, a friend who modeled, she made a good amount of money. I didn’t know anybody else who was invited, but she invited me to her birthday dinner. So I went online, and I found a birthday coupon, buy one, get one free. It was a Brazilian all-you-can-eat steak house kind of thing. So it’s $50 upfront. Does not include drinks, does not include dessert. So I go, I have no money. I’m a single mom. I have no money. And I don’t know why she thought I ever had money. But I didn’t, like, I lived in a really nice house, like, a million-dollar home with a friend. But that was not my home. That was not my family. We have no blood ties. And so why she thought, just because I lived there, like, I had money? I don’t know. So we go to her apartment. And we’re getting ready for this birthday dinner. A few people show up. And this girl is showing me, she literally showed me her new chest that she had just paid for, cuz she models too. We get to the restaurant, a few people show up and a few people leave without paying.”
“I assumed that they left money with her. But we’re eating, we’re having a good time, I order water. And I order no dessert. And while we’re eating, I get a piece of filet mignon that is so fatty, it just- like, it was so gross. I had to run to the bathroom. My friend calls over the manager while I’m in the bathroom. I’m in there for a minute, rinsing out my mouth. It was bad. I come out and he’s saying he’ll comp my meal. So I’m thinking, okay, so I’ll just pay the $25 for my friend, right? Wrong. They wanted me to pay $150. $150. When I just got the basic $50 meal. Plus I had the buy one get one free coupon, you know, to be used on me and the birthday girl. So it should have been $25 for her tops if I’m paying for her meal. But because those people left and did not pay for their meals, suddenly I’m supposed to float this bill. No, ma’am. I don’t know what happened. But I had to write a check to my friend because I didn’t even have the $50 in my account that I knew I needed a couple of days till my paycheck hit. So I just wrote her a check.”
“I said I’m not paying any more than 50 because that’s not fair. She was irritated with me. She was definitely irritated with me. But this was not my thing. I am a single mom, you did not clear this. We did not talk about this. I did not eat that food. Why would you do this to me if you’re supposed to be my friend? I wish I had said that back then. But I really was a pushover when it came to her. And I didn’t say any of this. But I was the bad guy in the situation. She did this to me for her baby shower. She did this to me for so many other things.”
“Knowing that I’m a single mom, and she has all these other friends that make so much more money. Why was I the one she picked? Never sit down to dinner with anybody, friend or otherwise, unless you’ve already talked about how it’s getting split, what your budget is, if you’re all going to split the bill equally, never sit down to eat with a group without first clearing that with everybody. And I would even go as far as in a big group, that if it’s going to be a $50 limit or $100 limit, that money better be cashed out to somebody in advance. So that person can pay the bill all on one tab. Or you call the restaurant up front for a large party so you all can have your separate bills. Like, duh.”
You can watch the full video here
@remiandaryan I always ask before we even order how the bill will be handled or I dont order at all. #birthday #dinner #resturaunt #ettiquette #groupdinner #large #groups #fyp ♬ original sound – 🦕Raising Autistic🦖
OP might have to reconsider if she sees these folks as friends
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
It might seem a bit strange that, in the 21st century, a group of adults, ostensibly with kids and jobs, struggle so much with the idea that there will be a bill at the end of the evening. This has legitimately been true since before any of us were born, yet, as this story demonstrates, some folks seem to be incapable of planning their budget a few hours in advance.
“Don’t spend money you don’t have” has been basic, fundamental financial advice since time immemorial. One of the great parts of having friends is that they can, in a pinch, actually help you get around this rule. After all, friends pay for friends all the time. This is particularly true if someone in the group is making more money than the rest. It’s not uncommon to celebrate financial success by taking your friends and loved ones out for drinks or a meal.
This, perhaps, demonstrates that the people in this story are hardly friends. The “birthday girl” could perhaps argue that her friend (OP) should have helped with the bill. However, would a “real” friend ever put someone they were close to in this situation in the first place? Furthermore, a friend should perhaps have some understanding of the financial situation of others. It almost seems like these people hardly know each other.
In some cultures, it might be uncommon to split the bill
Image credits: Alexey Demidov (not the actual photo)
What is even more strange, is the fact that this group of adults seems to have completely forgotten the norms and etiquette of dining out together in general. Generally, with birthdays, either everyone pays for the birthday boy or girl, or, the person, who invited everyone out, covers the bill for the whole table. Putting the entire bill on one guest is ridiculous unless they specifically requested to do so.
In the English-speaking world, everyone covering their own bill even has its own term, to go “Dutch.” This came from a negative, stereotypical belief that the Dutch were stingy, so to only cover your own bill could be seen as insulting in certain situations. While this phrase comes from the UK, it’s worth noting that the English, apparently, didn’t have the best reputation for generosity, for example, in Egypt, one might say that they will go “English style,” i.e. split the bill.
However, some researchers have noted that the prevalence of apps, such as Venmo, has shifted how people approach paying. Hading around cash was and still is a bit uncomfortable, plus many people simply don’t carry that much cash on hand. However, with an app, you can always text your dinner companions later for their part of the bill. Restaurants generally like this arrangement as well, as it makes payment easier and creates less work for the waitstaff.
The real issue here was the entitled expectations
Image credits: Chan Walrus (not the actual photo)
In much of Europe, the bill isn’t split at the restaurant and either the group owes a person who covers it, or they pay them later. However, tourism does have its own effects, for example, in Italy, when people split the bill, they might say that they will “pagare alla romana,” or “to pay Roman-style.”
However, the issue here isn’t some cultural misunderstanding. Remiandaryan was the guest at a birthday dinner. Almost nowhere is there an expectation that a random guest will pick up the entire tab, particularly if they very purposefully ordered less? Hopefully, at least, this experience and the many supportive comments can serve as an eye-opener for the future.
Viewers expressed their support for Remiandaryan
