A man in Singapore is seeking more than S$3m (£1.87m) in damages from a woman who said she saw him only as a friend, claiming she caused him trauma and damaged his “stellar reputation”.
A defamation case being brought by K Kawshigan claims the damages are to cover loss in earnings and investments, as well as “rehabilitation and therapy programmes to overcome the sustained trauma,” according to court documents.
The lawsuit, to be heard next week, accuses the woman of “allegedly defamatory remarks and negligent conduct”, according to court papers.
A second case filed by Kawshigan at a magistrates court, which claimed the woman breached an agreement to improve their relationship, was recently dismissed as “manifestly groundless and without foundation” – a verdict that was welcomed by gender equality activists.
The judgment, published in January, found his claims to be an abuse of process and said Kawshigan had an “ulterior motive of vexing or oppressing the defendant”.
The woman first met Kawshigan in 2016, according to court papers, and problems began to arise in 2020 when they became “misaligned” about how they saw their relationship. “While the defendant only regarded the claimant as a ‘friend’, he considered her to be his ‘closest friend’,” the court papers say.
The defendant requested for their interactions to be reduced, the judgment said, which caused displeasure to the claimant, who felt this would constitute “taking a step back in the[ir] relationship”. The defendant emphasised the need for boundaries and urged him to be “self-reliant”.
The judgment said the woman participated in counselling for 18 months after Kawshigan previously threatened legal action against her, alleging that he had suffered emotional trauma after being told she regarded him only as a friend.
“While the defendant had hoped that the counselling sessions would help the claimant come to terms with her decision to not pursue a romantic relationship with him, this was not the result. Faced with repeated requests and demands for more frequent meetings and deeper conversations, the defendant decided in May 2022 to cease all contact with the claimant,” it said.
The judgment said she had spent years “massaging the claimant’s unhappiness” but was now standing up to his threats.
The woman began harassment proceedings against Kawshigan, who later filed the S$3m claim against her and, afterwards, the case in the magistrates court.
An expedited protection order has been obtained against him, though the woman has still been faced with defending legal cases.
The case in which he is seeking S$3m in damages is due to be heard on 9 February. According to the judgment from the magistrates court case, this separate lawsuit was initiated in July 2022 and is claiming damages “for allegedly defamatory remarks and negligent conduct”.
The court paper adds: “Such remarks, he averred, suggested that he had harassed and spied on her, and this caused him to suffer ‘damage to his stellar reputation’ as well as ‘trauma, depression and impacts’ to his life. For this, he claimed damages in excess of $3m, constituting among others ‘indefinite loss of potential investments’ amounting to $1.2m.”
Aware, a gender equality advocacy group, said it was sorry to hear of the woman’s ordeal. “Women do not owe men their time or attention, much less their friendship, love, sexual activity or emotional labour,” it said.
Details revealed during the magistrates court case “paint an alarming picture of male sexual and romantic entitlement,” Aware said. It added that the complaint seemed an example of Darvo, or “Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender”, which it described as a common tactic employed by abusers who seek to portray themselves as the injured party and punish actual victims for their resistance.
“In a society that views women as ‘less than’, many men believe that they have a right to women’s lives and bodies, and assert themselves accordingly. Concepts such as the ‘friend zone’ – which implies that women should by default be sexually attracted to the men in their lives – are part of this spectrum of male entitlement. We need to dismantle toxic masculinity and the patriarchal mindsets that underpin this behaviour,” Aware said.
