No balls and three strokes? What is this, baseball?
PGA Tour Champions player Rick Garboski ran out of balls on the 13th hole in the second round of the Hoag Classic — he’d hit a couple in the drink and he’d given away the rest to young fans — and wound up with a three-stroke penalty for multiple offenses.
Said Garboski, who finished with an 80: “Total rookie move.”
Headlines
— In the Duke Chronicle, in 1980, when the school hired an unknown basketball coach named Krzyzewski: “This is not a typo.”
— At Fark.com: “Green Bay Packers punish Rogers with 4-year, $200M contract.”
You grow, guy
Shaggy-haired Bruce Weber, who just resigned as men’s basketball coach at Kansas State, disclosed that he’s not cutting his hair until the NCAA punishes those seven programs implicated in the 4 1/2-year-old FBI wiretap case — six of which will likely play in this year’s NCAA Tournament.
In other words, you’re about to have company, Cousin Itt!
You bet he’s in trouble
Falcons receiver Calvin Ridley has been suspended for the 2022 season for betting on NFL games.
Evidently he didn’t get the express written consent of the NFL’s official betting partners, Caesars, DraftKings and FanDuel.
Make room, Pinocchio
Last week wasn’t a good week for truth-telling, as a lot of pants spontaneously caught fire:
— MLB: We are canceling the first two weeks of the season.
— Seahawks: There are no plans to trade Russell Wilson.
— Wilson: My aim is to play my whole career in Seattle.
— Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov: We didn’t attack Ukraine.
Longshot U
If you had Longwood as the first team to qualify for the NCAA men’s basketball tournament, please step forward to claim your prize.
Tweet of the Week
“If you are a Seahawks fan, and you are driving, and you are listening to the radio, and you hear about Russell Wilson … please don’t drive off the road. Calmly pull over, and then react.” — Washington State DOT, last Tuesday.
Play ball!
“Starting April 7, MLB fans can get back to complaining about the slow pace of play, the endless procession of relief pitchers, the strings of strikeouts and walks, and all the ground balls gobbled up by the shift,” wrote Bob Molinaro, a former big league outfielder, in his column in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot. “This, apparently, is the good news.”
Free play
Packers QB Aaron Rodgers officiated at teammate David Bakhtiari’s wedding on March 5.
No word on whether Bakhtiari got the Rodgers rate, but the QB did get the bridesmaids to jump offside with a hard count.
Talking the talk
— Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, on the Pac-12 and their ilk having 10-player all-conference teams: “A basketball team is five players. Sure, it’s nice to make as many players as possible feel special, but that’s why God made participation trophies.”
— ESPN’s Dave Pasch, to the San Jose Mercury News, on working with Bill Walton: “He won’t talk to me before a game. He saves it all for the air, like when you don’t see the bride before the wedding.”
Brick by brick
Russell Westbrook is receiving taunts of “Westbrick.” So does that make what he’s getting paid this year — $44 million — a yellow brick road?
That about covers it
My top five worst Seattle sports moments (not in order), from KIRO Radio’s Gee Scott Sr.:
— Ken Griffey trade
— Gary Payton trade
— 2nd down and 1 (Super Bowl 49)
— Sonics leave
— Russell Wilson trade
Quote marks
— The late Lions Hall of Famer Alex Karras, asked to call heads or tails on a pregame coin flip after returning from a one-year suspension for gambling: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m not permitted to gamble.”
— Ex-Minnesota forward Eric Magdanz, to the St. Paul Pioneer Press, recalling the game he scored a Gophers-record 42 points at Michigan in 1962: “I could have kicked it and it would have gone in.”
— TNT’s Charles Barkley, to ESPN Radio, on Packers QB Aaron Rodgers: “I think he’s the pretty girl that you gotta tell her she’s pretty every day.”
