Texas A&M, Notre Dame and Nebraska — college football bluebloods — got taken down in Week 2 by supposed cannon fodder Appalachian State, Marshall and Georgia Southern.
Even worse, they each had to cough up $1 million-plus in appearance fees to the teams that beat them.
Well, as mom always used to say, “Don’t play with your food!”
Headlines
— At TheNeedling.com: “Seattle still choked with smoke after Russell Wilson attempts to cook at Lumen Field.”
— At TheOnion.com: “Referees call for replay to admire great call.”
Jordan Rule$
Somebody got the shirt off Michael Jordan’s back — but it cost them $10,091,000.
That how much the jersey that Jordan wore during Game 1 of the 1998 NBA Finals fetched at a Sotheby’s auction, a record for game-worn sports memorabilia, TMZ reported.
Paging Bill Murray
Nebraska has fired its last four football coaches — Bill Callahan, Bo Pelini, Mike Riley and Scott Frost — and paid them a combined $32 million in buyouts, all within a year of awarding them contract extensions.
In other words, Groundhog Day I, II, III and IV.
Name game
Mavericks star Luka Doncic and his mother, Mirjam Poterbin, are squabbling over who owns the trademark to “Luka Doncic 7,” and have taken their case to the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office’s Trademark Trial and Appeal Board.
In her defense, back when he was born she did have his original naming rights.
No-fly zone
There’s a meme circulating online of a Georgia student celebrating his Bulldogs by chomping on a bone.
It’s just a lucky thing he doesn’t root for the Texas Christian Horned Frogs.
Tweet of the Week
“The NFL is doing its international series completely wrong. Vikings should play in Oslo. Saints should play in Paris. Titans should play in Athens. Jags should play in Rio. The cheeseheads should play in Switzerland.” — Harrison Krank
Eight is too much
Angels star Mike Trout, trying to homer in a record-tying eighth straight game, instead flew out three times and walked.
Apparently the creel limit for Trout is seven.
Wanna get away?
Appalachian State, due to mechanical issues with their plane, was unable to fly out of College Station after their 17-14 upset of No. 6 Texas A&M and was forced to sleep in hotel hallways and conference rooms.
“Hey,” said the Aggies, “if we don’t get to leave town why should they?”
That’s a lunker
Ernest and Viesia Godek, fishing in Pedder Bay, near Victoria, B.C., landed the lunker of the day when a 750-pound California sea lion suddenly leapt onto their boat, nearly capsizing it.
The big lug was trying to escape three killer whales.
Talking the talk
— Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, suggesting yet another MLB rules change: “If there are five or more people in line at a beer stand, everyone in line gets free beer. Hire more damn vendors. If we want to stand in line, we’ll go to Disneyland or the DMV.”
— Guardians manager Terry Francona, to reporters, on what was going through his mind during a heated argument with umpire Ron Kulpa: “Sometimes you get to a point where my intercostal was spasming.”
That was then …
Nebraska athletes can earn money — up to $5,980 a year — by passing their courses, KETV reported.
Ah, for the good old days when fans only cared whether their favorite students could pass a football.
Quote marks
— Steelers coach Mike Tomlin, to reporters, when asked to assess rookie RB Jaylen Warren’s first game: “He didn’t urinate down his leg, man — that’s a great place to begin.”
— Portland State football coach Bruce Barnum, to JohnCanzano.com, sizing up the Washington roster after losing 52-6: “I got a good look at everybody except their punter.”
— RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on Forbes pegging the Knicks as the most lucrative NBA team at $5.8 billion: “Who would guess there could be so much value in laughing stock?”
— Nick Canepa of The San Diego Union-Tribune, on MLB’s latest innovation being 18-inch-square bases next season: “By 2050, baseball’s enlarged bases will be provided by Tempur-Pedic.”
Snap shot
He shoots … he scores!
Minnesota Wild defenseman Alex Goligoski did the ceremonial first pitch duties before a Twins game and delivered a perfect strike — firing the baseball with a hockey stick.
Quote, end quote
— Ramzy Nasrallah of ElevenWarriors.com, via Twitter, after the Browns celebrated their season-opening win by tweeting simply “1-0”: “First 1-0 tweet in franchise history. Twitter began in 2006.”
— Mike Bianchi of The Orlando Sentinel, on Broncos coach Nathaniel Hackett opting for a 64-yard field goal instead of trusting Russell Wilson on fourth-and-5: “This was the dumbest decision since Prohibition.”
— Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com, with a rhetorical question: “If a member of a synchronized swim team drowns, do the other members drown too?”
— Alex Kaseberg, via Twitter, on stationary-bicycle maker Peleton company being in financial trouble: “For some reason the company is just spinning its wheels and not going anywhere.”
