Mariners to Astros: “Uh, mind if we sneak a peek at your Mike Trout cheat sheet?”
In a five-game series against Seattle last month, the Angels star hit five homers — four of them game-winners.
Two weeks later, in a three-game set in Houston, Trout went 0 for 11 with nine strikeouts.
Headlines
— At TheOnion.com: “World Bowling Championship postponed after lanes already reserved for 11th birthday party.”
Modern biathlon
Joey Chestnut managed to put a protester in a headlock and took it all in stride while snarfing down 63 hot dogs.
Let’s see a pro rassler try that.
Caught stealing?
Jon Berti of the Miami Marlins leads all of baseball in steals, with 25, at the season’s halfway point.
Unless you count the former treasurer of the Oakville, Ontario, Minor Baseball Association, who is accused of embezzling $468,000 from the league.
No love lost
Three Wimbledon security guards were arrested after getting into a fight at All England Club.
The chair umpire scored it 6-4, 3-6, 6-2, 7-5.
Singing Brian’s Song
It’s not often that a person is eulogized twice, but it felt like Bears RB Brian Piccolo, whose life was tragically cut short in 1970, passed away again last week.
RIP, actor James Caan.
Limping to glory
Is Joey Chestnut — who limped in to the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest and won it for the 15th time — destined to be known as the Willis Reed of competitive eating?
Just call him Carnac
“I think we could ultimately end up with two conferences,” LSU chancellor Michael Martin predicted in 2011, “one called ESPN and one called Fox.”
Yo, Mike: Got any hot tips on the stock market?
Name game
The Kraken not only landed the consensus No. 1 pick in Shane Wright with the No. 4 pick in the NHL draft but they also scooped up the best name in the second: Jagger Firkus.
Talking the talk
— American tourist John Dowd, to AP, on hand for Pamplona’s first Running of the Bulls in three years: “We have been looking forward to it. And, oh yeah, where is the hospital again?”
— Nick Canepa of the San Diego Union-Tribune, after a British homing pigeon took a wrong turn and wound up in Alabama: “Presumably for a better NIL.”
— Comedian Kenan Thompson, hosting the NHL Awards show: “No fighting tonight. This is the NHL awards. Not the Oscars.”
Needling Rogers
Packers QB Aaron Rodgers has a new tattoo on his arm — intricate astrological designs by Hungarian artist Balazs Bercsenyi.
What were you expecting, a bull’s-eye with the words “insert vaccination here”?
Quote marks
— Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on Kevin Durant angling for his fourth NBA team in the past eight seasons: “Durant is turning into the Taylor Swift of basketball. But at least her breakups result in good songs.”
— Mike Bianchi of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel, on Steph Curry hosting the ESPYs: “Memo to Steph: Don’t make a joke about Will Smith’s wife.”
— Super 70s Sports, via Twitter, on lawn darts: “Toss the darts, treat the wounded, tally the points. Repeat until only one child remains.”
— Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, via Twitter, after a Long Island lifeguard was bitten by a shark while playing a shark attack victim in a rescue drill: “He must have been very believable.”
Batter … urp!
The closest thing baseball has to Joey Chestnut’s two-way performance is the Mets’ Roger McDowell, who pitched two-thirds of an inning and reportedly ate seven cheeseburgers on July 4, 1985, during an 18-inning game against the Braves.
Quote, end quote
— Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com, on the Browns’ handling of QB Baker Mayfield: “They spent an overall No. 1 pick on Mayfield, picked up his expensive fifth-year option and then turned him into a disgruntled employee. That almost sounds like a case study at Harvard Business School.”
— World No. 1 Scottie Scheffler, to Golf.com, on golfers’ income: “I don’t know how much money I’ve made this year, but it’s definitely more than I deserve for whacking a little golf ball around.”
— Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on tennis star Nick Kyrgios saying the doesn’t have a coach because “I would never put that burden on someone”: “Too bad for NBA coaches that Kyrie Irving didn’t take up tennis.”
— David Whitley of the Gainesville (Fla.) Sun, on college conferences run amok: “I can’t wait to see Florida take on the University of Tokyo in 2031. (There really is a University of Tokyo. It has as many SEC football titles as Vanderbilt.)”
