The dog-ate-my-homework excuse just met its match.
The Montana State lacrosse team’s bus coming back from matches in North Dakota erupted in flames on I-90 just west of Billings, and let’s just say some players — who all escaped before the bus was fully engulfed — had one heck of an alibi ready for class.
“We got most of our lacrosse gear off the bus,” midfielder Billy Diffley told Billings’ KBZK-TV. “We didn’t get any of our computers, schoolwork, any of that sort.”
Headlines
— At TheOnion.com: “Climate report finds Antarctica could support multiple golf courses by 2050.”
— At Fark.com: “Three NFL teams are interested in saying they’re interested in signing Colin Kaepernick.”
Thumb’s the word
The University of Denver beat Minnesota State, 5-1, to capture its ninth NCAA Division I men’s hockey championship.
Next year’s team motto: Win One For The Other Thumb.
False advertising
Kiara Thomas was arrested and charged with assault in Laurel, Miss., for punching an umpire at a 12-year-old girls softball game, WLBT-TV reported.
The capper? In her mugshot, Thomas rocks a “Mother of the Year” T-shirt.
Hit parade
LSU outfielder Gavin Dugas has been hit by a pitch 13 times in his first 103 plate appearances this season.
Twins scouts love him, saying he’d be a perfect for Target Field.
Get a whiff of this
Chiba Lotte Marines pitching phenom Roki Sasaki, 20, recorded 13 straight strikeouts — and 19 overall — in throwing the first perfect game since 1994 in Nippon Professional Baseball, Japan’s top professional league.
The team’s ticket office was immediately swamped — and that was just from MLB scouts.
Expensive Club Dept.
Todd Brock, a private equity investor from Houston, sold Tiger Woods’ Titleist 681-T iron set from his Tiger Slam in 2000-01 for $5,156,162 at Golden Age Auctions, a record for golf memorabilia.
That’s what’s known as reaching the green.
Not minimum wage
Jrue Holiday triggered a $306,000 bonus by appearing in his 67th game — playing all of 8 seconds in the Bucks’ regular-season finale.
Which pencils out to a tidy $136.8 million an hour.
Where have you gone, Iron Man?
Only five NBA players played in every game their team played this season, an all-time low.
A.C. Green’s record of 1,192 consecutive games played appears safe.
No free drop for this
What, that’s one way to land in a bunker.
Nathan Nelson, who stole at least 63 golf carts in seven states and resold them, has been sentenced to two years in federal prison.
Hurts so good
The Blue Jays’ Vladimir Guerrero Jr. homered in the first inning, suffered a two-stitch gash on his ring finger in the second and then returned to hit two more homers and a double in a 6-4 win over the Yankees.
And you called in sick to work with a hangover?
Heard in passing
The $518,000 sale of the football thrown for Tom Brady’s “final” NFL touchdown pass — whose value plummeted when Brady changed his mind about retiring — has been voided by mutual agreement between the parties.
In short, it was ruled incomplete.
Talking the talk
— Mike Bianchi of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel, after free-agent QB Cam Newton said he wants women to get back to cooking, being quiet and letting men lead: “In related news, Newton just bought his significant other a new butter churn for her birthday.”
— Spurs free-agent-to-be Lonnie Walker, to reporters, saying he’s going on vacation and won’t be glued to his phone: “I’m definitely throwing it in the ocean. You might get a call from a goldfish.”
Pass the Ben-Gay
A group of 40 hockey players kept a charity game going for 261 hours — from March 31 to April 11 — in Chestermere, Alberta, breaking the Guinness world record of 252 hours and raising about $1 million for the Alberta Children’s hospital Foundation.
You want sore? As organizer and team captain Alex Halat told the Calgary Herald: “Guys discovered body parts they didn’t even know they had.”
Quote marks
— Blogger Patti Dawn Swansson, after an animal-rights activist tried to glue herself to the floor during Tuesday’s NBA play-in game in Minneapolis: “So, for those of you who’ve been wondering all these years, now you know why they call it Crazy Glue.”
— Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, making the start of the NBA playoffs last Tuesday: “So we just have two months and a week until a possible NBA Finals Game 7.”
— Comedy writer Brad Dickson, via Twitter, thumping the tub for Nebraska’s spring game: “This is your last chance to see a lot of Husker stars before they enter the transfer portal.”
— Tim Hunter of KRKO Radio, on Dodgers catcher Will Smith: “How hard is it going to be for Dodgers announcers not to say, on his next home run, “He just slapped it out of the park!”?
