Scoring an invite to a friend’s event is always exciting. But attending the actual get-together can be nerve-racking if you don’t have many mutual friends. Who can I talk to? Will it be awkward if the host is occupied? Does everyone else here know each other?
It can be a huge relief when someone has the courage to strike up a conversation. But unfortunately, this can also mean you might get stuck in a conversation that you desperately want to escape. One woman posted a story on Reddit detailing how she had to shut down a stranger who was oversharing at a friend’s house. Below, you’ll find all of the details, as well as some of the replies readers shared.
It’s not always easy to strike up a conversation with a stranger
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But when this woman found herself trapped, listening to a man trauma dump, she decided to shut the situation down
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual image)
Later, the woman provided a brief update
Image credits: Tim Mossholder (not the actual image)
Image credits: aita-dudewtf
Trauma dumping often occurs when someone begins unloading their issues onto an unsuspecting audience
It can be difficult to know what to strike up a conversation about when you’re at a party, especially if you’re chatting with strangers. Asking about the weather might be appropriate small talk amongst colleagues, but it’s probably wise to think of something a little more fun to discuss in a social setting.
Don’t be afraid to bring up a fascinating yet random topic, or ask the people you’re talking to to open up about themselves a bit. But remember, there is such a thing as TMI. And most people don’t want to discuss trauma or upsetting topics while trying to unwind on a Friday night.
It sounds like the man in this particular story was trauma dumping on the author. In other words, he was unloading “stressful thoughts, negative feelings, or traumatic experiences onto someone else without warning and consent,” Inner Balance explains.
This typically happens when a person is not expecting it and did not actually invite the individual to share such thorough details about their life. It also typically involves only one person going on and on, while the other simply listens uncomfortably. Trauma dumping can also occur on social media or to the general public.
Now, you might be wondering if you’re guilty of this, if you feel the need to vent from time to time. But there are a few distinct differences, as venting typically happens quickly and doesn’t occur very often. A person also usually only vents to their closest friends or loved ones, rather than to strangers or acquaintances.
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Oversharing can be uncomfortable for both parties
As far as why people feel the need to trauma dump, Inner Balance notes that it might come from a place of seeking validation or needing an emotional release. It might also be because the person doesn’t know how to begin to heal from their trauma.
But this certainly isn’t the way to do so. It can actually make the person who is opening up feel worse, as they might feel like they’re being dismissed, disconnected from others, lonely, embarrassed, depressed or anxious. Meanwhile, the listener may become extremely uncomfortable and overwhelmed as well. They might even become triggered if they’ve experienced similar trauma in the past.
So how can we work on resisting the urge to trauma dump? Brittany Becker, LMHC, told Verywell Mind that the first step is recognizing that you have a tendency to overshare.
If you vent about the same things repeatedly, don’t allow others to share their thoughts on your situation, find yourself in one-way relationships or fail to ask others about their own lives and listen to their experiences, then you might want to work on making space for other people to share.
It’s also wise to compile a list of people you are close to that you can really open up to when you need to vent, rather than unloading this information on unsuspecting people. Reach out to loved ones, and let them know ahead of time that you need to discuss some difficult topics. Ask them if they’re available to have a heavy conversation now, and understand that they may need to call you back later when they have time.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman was right to shut down the conversation that she found herself trapped in? And if you’d like to read another Bored Panda article discussing similar issues, look no further than right here.
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual image)
Many readers agreed that the author did nothing wrong, and she joined in on the conversation
However, others thought she was too harsh
