It turns out that I have strong views on the use of possessive determiners, which is odd because I’ve only just found out that’s what they are called. It’s not their use that bothers me, but their absence. For example, if someone inquires about my mother’s wellbeing, it narks me a bit if they ask, “How’s Mum?”, rather than, “How’s your mum?” This dropping of the possessive determiner – as with all jargon new to me, I will now take every opportunity to use it – only seems to happen in reference to one’s immediate, older relatives. How’s Mum, how’s Dad, how’s Grandad, how’s Nan? No one has ever asked, how’s Uncle, how’s Daughter, how’s Dog?
I mean, if it’s a friend making the inquiry about a parent, then fine. Grates a bit, but no bother. Otherwise, the only people entitled to drop the my/your/our in reference to my mum and dad are me and my brother. Tellingly, I don’t even feel it’s appropriate for me to drop the second “my” in that last sentence, as it’s not my brother or close friends I’m addressing here.
It’s in the context of health or social care that it really starts to niggle. If a doctor, nurse or carer of some kind refers to “Mum” or “Dad”, I appreciate it comes from a good place. I suppose the informality is there to imply a gentle shared concern. But for me it strikes the wrong note, the tone cloying yet impersonal. I’m certainly not suggesting parents be referred to as Mr or Mrs; their first names will do nicely, as would the insertion of “your” before “mum” or “dad”. If this grates on me at the best of times, when things take a turn for the worse and there’s bad news to impart, it’s like chalk screeching on a blackboard. “Dad’s had another fall, I’m afraid”, “Dad’s not been himself today” and so on. I’m pretty sure my late father wouldn’t have been bothered by this any more than my mother is. Perhaps it’s just me. In which case, sorry to have taken up your time, but at least I’ve given possessive determiners a rare mention.
An evening with Adrian Chiles
Join Adrian on 10 October 2024, 7.30pm-8.30pm, when he will discuss with fellow columnist Zoe Williams his brilliantly bemused tour of British life as captured in his new collection of Guardian columns. Book tickets at theguardian.live.com
Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster, writer and Guardian columnist
