I don’t suppose Boris Johnson shares my sadness at the decline of Britain’s beautiful launderettes.
Rising energy costs mean these vital facilities are being wiped off the face of the high street – where there are now just 2,000 left, compared with 12,500 in the 1980s.
But our former PM has probably never set foot inside a Washing Well, Tidy Whites or Laundry Lounge.
Because a man with pretensions of becoming World King would never deign to wash his own novelty boxer shorts or sort his deliberately-odd socks with the hoi polloi.
And as Boris uses crumpled shirts and grubby rugger jerseys as props for his shambolic-genius act, he’s never needed to load a drum, select the right programme and shove his coins in the slot. Although he clearly wouldn’t have any trouble with the spin.
I’ve loved launderettes since I was a kid. They were warm, steamy, smelled like heaven and had a colour telly showing Crossroads and Coronation Street. And while Mum started the washing and chatted to the regulars, I’d get myself a frothy hot choc from the vending machine, watch the hypnotic swirl of the machines and listen to the buzz and chatter of our town
No wonder launderettes have become so iconic, featuring in movies, TV shows and commercials
They aren’t just wash-oramas. They are community centres where the lonely can go for a cuppa and a chinwag. They are destinations for ordinary people to discuss their real-life struggles as they watch their washing go round.
And the ideal place for a soiled politician who needs an extra-hot biological wash before making a dazzling comeback.
Because improbable as it seems now, Boris Johnson’s allies reckon he can return from what he has called political assassination.
This week, we got to see the dirty laundry the former Prime Minister has been so desperate to hide.
The Privileges Committee’s report exposed every nasty stain of the Partygate scandal and his blatant attempts to cover them up.
Just like Nick Kamen in that famous Levi’s ad, he was finally caught with his trousers down.
But despite being exposed as a pants-on-fire liar, the shameless sud is continuing to declare that black is white and he’s actually squeaky clean.
All washed up? Don’t bet on it.
