Seth Meyers
Late-night hosts reacted to Donald Trump’s continued attempts to argue for presidential immunity from his alleged crimes in court on Wednesday.
“I know this is ancient history, but there was a time when Republicans used to pretend that the big problem with Barack Obama’s Democratic party was so-called government overreach,” Seth Meyers explained on Late Night.
“They used to claim that they believed in limited government and that the Democrats were the ones acting like dictators.”
“Republicans used to pretend they cared about the constitution, and the second Trump emerged, they abandoned all of that in favor of a president who routinely said stuff like this,” he added, pointing to clips of Trump arguing “I have the absolute right to pardon myself” and “I have the right to do whatever I want”.
“The founding fathers used very sedate, dignified language,” Meyers retorted. “Trump talks about presidential powers like they’re Mountain Dew flavors – ‘I have total authority, ultimate immunity and most importantly, I have wild berry blast!’
“It should be no surprise that the guy who, during his presidency, claimed he had ultimate authority has now argued in court that he has absolute immunity from criminal prosecution,” Meyers continued, referencing Trump’s attempt to wriggle out from charges related to January 6.
Outside of court this week, the former president argued both that he was immune from wrongdoing and “we did nothing wrong”.
“Who’s ‘we’?” Meyers wondered. “Trump loves to drag everyone else into his mess. This is why it’s so crazy that people are loyal to Trump, a guy whose entire philosophy could be summed up with ‘only I can fix it, only we can fuck it up, and when you think about it, I have immunity so really only you can fuck it up, best of luck in jail.’”
Stephen Colbert
On the Late Show, Stephen Colbert broke news to his audience that Chris Christie dropped out of the presidential race. “He made this tough decision after looking at the polls and realizing it was an easy decision,” Colbert quipped.
Christie was not prepared to make any official endorsements, “but the timing of this decision indicates that he’s clearing the way for Nikki Haley to take all of his voter,” Colbert joked.
Christie was the most high-profile and vocal critic of Trump, the faraway frontrunner, during the primary. “Unlike Ron DeSantis, whose campaign slogan is Ron DeSantis: Trump 2024,” Colbert added.
“Speaking of which – obviously the news cycle moves so quickly that every once in a while it’s important to just pause, reflect and remember that yesterday the former president’s lawyer argued that it’s ok to murder people,” he continued, pointing to a clip of Trump’s lawyer claiming that presidential immunity covered assassinating political rivals.
“Yes, Donald Trump, who is running for president, is publicly arguing that the president is allowed to assassinate his political rivals,” Colbert reiterated.
Colbert covered the story on Tuesday, noting it made him scared and angry. “But later, when I got home, I thought about it some more and it made me even more scared that I wasn’t even more angry,” he said. “It just wasn’t even hitting me yet how horrible this was. This story is like eating a very spicy burrito – when you first get a taste, yes it’s shocking. But in 24 hours you’re like, ‘oh, this is gonna do some real damage.’”
Attempting to cover the horror, Trump’s lawyer Alina Habba appeared on Fox News to say that the question was irrelevant because it was “not the current situation”.
“Yes! The president sending an assassin to kill his political rivals and then claiming presidential immunity is such an extreme hypothetical,” Colbert deadpanned. “Let’s stick to reality, where all Trump did was send a mob to kill his vice-president and then claim immunity. Get your facts straight, or Trump will murder you.”
Jimmy Kimmel
And in Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel relished Hunter Biden’s surprise visit to the House oversight committee during a hearing by House Republicans to hold him in contempt of Congress. “The backstory is, a Maga-happy gang of Republicans made it their mission to paint Hunter Biden – are you familiar with the crackhead Hunter Biden? – as some type of criminal mastermind who’s tasked with bringing money into the family,” Kimmel explained.
House Republicans refused to have an open hearing, as Hunter Biden agreed to, so they could spin it, and instead he attended their contempt hearing. “It’s like when the polar bear showed up on Lost. Like C-Span meets the Maury Povich show,” said Kimmel.
Republicans “didn’t know what to do”, he continued. “They were planning to do a big grandstanding routine where they give the little speeches they hope will get on Fox News, but instead they ended up looking like they were the ones on crack.”
“Nothing satisfies these people,” he added. “They’re constantly asking ‘where’s Hunter?’ And then he shows up and they’re mad.”
