Seth Meyers
In the wake of the leaked supreme court draft opinion striking down Roe v Wade, “it won’t surprise you to learn that instead of responding to the substance” of protests and fury over the loss of reproductive rights, said Seth Meyers on Thursday’s Late Night. Instead, “the depraved weirdos who make up today’s Republican party decided to mock the people who attended” said protests.
Such as the Florida congressman Matt Gaetz, who is currently under investigation for allegedly pursuing a sexual relationship with a 17-year-old girl and paying for her to travel with him in violation of federal sex trafficking laws. On Wednesday, Gaetz tweeted: “How many of the women rallying against overturning Roe are over-educated, under-loved millennials who sadly return from protests to a lonely microwave dinner with their cats, and no Bumble matches?”
“It is very telling that you think ‘over-educated’ is a burn,” said Meyers.
“And when they’re not mocking protesters,” he added, “they are of course pretending to be indignant over the leak itself, rather than celebrating the outcome because they know overturning Roe and criminalizing abortion are deeply unpopular with a huge majority of voters. So instead, they want to throw the leaker in jail.”
The South Carolina senator Lindsey Graham hyperbolically called the leak “the saddest chapter in the history of the supreme court”. And the Texas senator Ted Cruz called it “the most grotesque politicization of the supreme court in the history of our nation”.
“There is no duo in history worse than Ted Cruz and Lindsey Graham,” said Meyers. “You know who was a much better duo? Milli Vanilli.
“If you got that musical reference,” he added, “Matt Gaetz doesn’t want to date you.”
Trevor Noah
Somehow making coke orgy allegations isn’t the biggest Madison Cawthorn scandal anymore pic.twitter.com/Ye3P3oQRnI
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) May 6, 2022
On The Daily Show, Trevor Noah recapped the latest round of scandal for Madison Cawthorn, the 26-year-old North Carolina congressman trying to build his career in Trump’s image. Weeks ago, Cawthorn set off a firestorm when he accused his Republican colleagues in Congress of hosting cocaine-fueled sex orgies.
His remarks drew swift condemnation from fellow Republicans, and “clearly he pissed somebody off,” said Noah. “Because since he made that accusation, week after week, people have been leaking things that seem to be exposing him as a fraud.” Leaked stories have ranged from pictures of Cawthorn in lingerie, allegations of insider trading, and reports he was seen with a male campaign aide’s hand on his crotch.
“And now,” said Noah, “in the words of the esteemed political analyst DJ Khaled: another one.” A recently leaked video appears to show Cawthorn, without clothing, pretending to hump his friend’s face on a bed. “Believe me, I wish there was another way to say that, but there’s not. That’s the story,” said Noah.
“And you gotta admit, man, these people are coming for Madison Cawthorn. In fact, the way they’re coming for Madison Cawthorn, I’m starting to think maybe those cocaine orgies were real, you know? He said too much.”
In response to the nude video, Cawthorn said in a video statement: “You are witnessing one of the first politicians who grew up with a cellphone in their hand … most of my colleagues in Congress right now would not be serving in Washington if they grew up within a single mile of a cellphone.
“As much as I do not like him, I have to agree,” Noah said. “Since the beginning of time, people have had the ability to insulate what they do in private from what they do in public. But now, we have a whole generation who’s growing up documenting every single dumb thing they do or say or hump. And honestly, unless they’re breaking the law, we’re gonna have to figure out how to deal with this in society.
“Because thanks to phones, everyone’s friends have dirt on them,” he concluded. “In fact, if your friends don’t have dirt on you that could someday ruin your career, then I’m sorry, you’re not friends. You’re just acquaintances.”
Stephen Colbert
And on The Late Show, Stephen Colbert mocked an interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network this week in which Donald Trump said “nobody has done more for Christianity, nobody has done more for religions of all types, than me”.
“That’s a bit of a bold statement,” Colbert deadpanned. “But I’ll say this: he’s right about Christianity. For four years he certainly inspired me to say ‘Je-sus’.”
The “religions of all kinds” bit “also makes sense”, he joked. “He’s got the wrath of Yahweh, the destructive power of Shiva, the BMI of Buddha and the sexual assault history of Zeus.”
Trump also bragged in the same interview about acing an IQ test – “They now call me a dictator and other things but they don’t call you stupid,” he said.
“He thinks we don’t call him stupid? What a moron,” Colbert responded.
“He’s been bragging about this for years as some sort of remarkable achievement on what he thinks is an IQ test, which it’s not,” he added, as the 10-minute test is designed to detect mild cognitive impairment.
“It’s a little disturbing when he says he doesn’t mind being called a dictator as long as people don’t think he’s dumb.”
