Seth Meyers
On Wednesday evening, Seth Meyers tore into the Republican party’s refusal to deal seriously with the toxic chemical train derailment in Ohio. “They claim they’re the party of the working class, but they don’t actually have ideas for or interest in improving the lives of working class people,” the Late Night host said. “And you can see that in the GOP’s reaction to the catastrophic train derailment and ensuing environmental disaster in Ohio.”
To recap: two weeks ago, a train carrying hazardous material including vinyl chloride derailed near the town of East Palestine, Ohio, releasing a mushroom cloud of toxic chemicals. In the days since, residents have reported respiratory issues and burning eyes, as well as widespread wildlife death. “Of course, when Republicans see a plume of gray smoke, their first thought is, ‘Dear god, did someone open Hunter Biden’s laptop?’” Meyers joked.
In 2018, the Trump administration rolled back a train-braking rule aimed to prevent disasters such as the derailment in Ohio. “I mean, of fucking course he did,” said Meyers. “And I’m sure we didn’t hear about it because it was the same day he tried to buy Greenland or challenged Angela Merkel to a putting contest or drank water weird.”
Meyers then turned to Ohio senator and Trump acolyte JD Vance, who said in an appearance on Fox News that Democrats were “unserious people” in their handling of the disaster. “I’m sorry, you think Democrats are unserious people worried about fake problems?” Meyers laughed. “On that exact same network a day later, a lady in your party said whales are getting killed by windmills.”
The East Palestine environmental disaster is the “perfect example of the kind of thing a serious governing party should have answers for,” Meyers concluded. “It’s absolutely true that Democrats can and should do more. Meanwhile, Republicans are talking about culture war BS.”
Stephen Colbert
On the Late Show, Stephen Colbert continued to speculate about alien contact after the US military shot down three unidentified flying objects in as many days. And on Monday, the US set up a new task force on UFOs.
Interesting coincidence, Colbert noted: “That’s like your flight attendant saying, ‘Uh, attention passengers, everyone in the cockpit is totally fine and conscious. Totally unrelated, we are setting up a task force on how to land a plane.’”
US senators were given a classified briefing on Tuesday, which John Kennedy, a Republican from Louisiana, summed up as: “The only thing I feel confident in saying right now is that if you’re confused, you understand the situation perfectly.”
“Then I’m all caught up,” Colbert deadpanned.
Kennedy also said the UFOs have been “going on for a long, long, long time”, since at least 2017. “Do you know what that means? The aliens were singing Despacito,” Colbert joked.
It is possible, he added, that the UFOs could be sky trash detected with new sensitivity on radar settings; the White House said there are “hundreds, if not thousands”, of trash objects in the sky, including used car lot balloons. “So not only did our Air Force get a direct hit, they also got an incredible deal on a pre-owned Buick Regal,” Colbert joked.
Jimmy Kimmel
In Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel reacted to news that researchers are closing in on a male birth control pill, with a pill that will stop sperm from swimming for an hour. The drug has been tested in mice, “and after ingesting it, none of the mice got any women pregnant, so that’s good”, he joked.
“They say their ultimate plan is to crush the pills up, put them into a tranquilizer dart, and hide in a tree outside Nick Cannon’s house,” he added.
Kimmel also touched on the Unidentified Aerial Phenomena, which the US military said earlier this week are not aliens or Chinese spy balloons. “The best guess right now is that there were some overly aggressive Re/Max agents on the loose,” said Kimmel, referring to the real estate company with a hot air balloon logo.
“It’s cute that we brief senators on this story,” he added, “as if we found out that the aliens were invading, Joe Manchin would know what to do.”
The Daily Show
Insecurity doesn't have to be this expensive, Elon. @SarahKSilverman pic.twitter.com/cACB1cKaYx
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) February 16, 2023
And on the Daily Show, guest host Sarah Silverman mocked Elon Mock, the Twitter CEO and “man who has definitely scissored a robot”.
“If you felt that your Twitter feed was especially flooded with Elon’s tweets this week, you weren’t alone,” she explained. “Apparently Elon’s tweets weren’t going viral enough, so he pressured his engineers to design a special algorithm just for him” which would push his tweets above others to all users.
“Because it behooves all of us to be privy to the fresh and original insights of the richest man in the world,” she deadpanned.
“Really though, this is just the most pathetic thing I’ve ever heard,” she continued. “I don’t understand how someone can have 15 kids and still be an incel.” She even felt bad for him – “this man paid $44bn to get the same insecurities that I have for free.”
