Seth Meyers
On Late Night, host Seth Meyers criticised the Republican party, claiming that “they don’t have a coherent worldview or agenda” but that instead, Donald Trump is obsessed with “manufactured rightwing grievances he heard about on Fox News”.
He played a rambling recent clip of the former president, “throwing up as much red meat as possible” and stated that for him and rival Ron DeSantis: “It’s not about doing anything to improve people’s lives, it’s just about making the libs mad.”
Trump brought up an invisible war to take away gas stoves, a new favourite talking point, while saying he isn’t much of a cook, something Meyers wasn’t surprised by. “He could have his hand on a hot skillet without noticing,” he joked.
DeSantis also announced tax breaks for those Floridians who own gas stoves despite the fact that only 8% of homes in the state do, the lowest use in the country. “That can only mean one thing: Florida is woke,” Meyers announced.
He called the gas stoves tax break “so boring” and added that “at least when Trump does the culture wars, he goes all out”.
Meyers also showed the viral clip of an empty library without any books after DeSantis announced more rules to limit the types of literature available in schools. Meyers joked that an empty library “sounds like an excuse your kids would use when they skipped it to smoke weed at a strip mall”.
He also took aim at Marjorie Taylor Greene who this week claimed one school in Illinois received $5.1bn to put towards critical race theory. If that were true, other schools would be so jealous,” he said, claiming they could have “financed the last two Avatar movies”.
Stephen Colbert
On the Late Show, Stephen Colbert spoke about Groundhog Day and the “big chubby rat” who is seen as a predictor of weather. He claimed there would be six more weeks of winter but the “psychic psychotic dirt-hog” has only been right 39% of the time.
“I bet I can beat it every time with my own prediction pal, Punxsutawney quarter,” he joked.
He also has competition in Staten Island Chuck who claimed there would instead be an early spring. “So New York, say goodbye to winter and say hello to smelling urine again,” Colbert said.
He then showed footage of Republican Lauren Boebert who called alcohol, tobacco and firearms “a fun weekend” in western Colorado. “Don’t get so full of yourself western Colorado, in Florida they call that the food pyramid,” he said.
This week, it was suggested that roasted chile become the official aroma of New Mexico. “I assumed the official New Mexico aroma was an abandoned RV that a bobcat is living in,” he joked.
Colbert then suggested some other state smells including sock full of coins for Pennsylvania, sewer clown for Maine, dust for North Dakota and wet hippie for Oregon.
Jimmy Kimmel
On Jimmy Kimmel Live, the host also spoke about Greene’s strange line of questioning, which moved on from critical race theory to drag queen story hour, asking how much budget is being put towards it, “tackling the issues we care about the most”.
He added: “We’ll get right on that as soon as we wrap up the Jewish space laser investigation.”
This week also saw news that North Korea was allegedly trying to create the “most overwhelming nuclear force” for future attacks. “Is it too late to convince them that the new US capital is Mar-a-Lago?” he asked.
Kimmel also spoke about the uproar over new rules that would make Netflix password sharing impossible for families outside of the same residence. “A huge blow to Nick Cannon,” he said.
