Seth Meyers
On Thursday evening, Seth Meyers surveyed responses to Donald Trump’s arrest and arraignment from Republican lawmakers, starting with Lindsey Graham. The South Carolina senator and Trump ally appeared on Fox News numerous times this week to, as the Late Night host put it, “beg viewers to send money to self-proclaimed billionaire Donald Trump’s legal defense fund”.
“America is literally at stake as we know it,” said Graham in one appearance, “and if you’ve got any money to give, give it.” In another, he urged viewers to donate through his personal website, and promised the money “won’t go to me”.
“I think Lindsey Graham might have missed his calling as a televangelist,” said Meyers, “because he’s got the most important part down: God, in this case Donald Trump, needs more money, but you can send it to me and I’ll make sure he gets it.”
Graham appeared tanner than usual, with sandier hair – Meyers theorized that “he’s starting to turn into Trump’s Mini-Me.”
“Next time Lindsey sees Trump he’s going to have circles under his eyes, wearing a baggy suit and under-sized tie,” he said.
Also on Fox News this week was Marjorie Taylor Greene, who made a brief appearance outside the court house where Trump was arraigned this week and called New York City “repulsive” on Tucker Carlson’s show.
“OK, Bane’s girlfriend,” said Meyers. “How dare you say that in the city that is home to Fox News headquarters.
“These people are such assholes,” he added. “Only Republicans would go to liberal cities and shit on them. It doesn’t work the other way around. I don’t go to her home town and say nasty things about it. Although I don’t know where she’s from – I’m assuming the video tape from The Ring, is that a place people grow up?
“The only people who are allowed to shit on New York – the only people! – are New Yorkers,” he continued. “Because we love it, and we love how mad it makes us.”
The Daily Show
A billionaire was spending money on yachts and planes...for Clarence Thomas??? @roywoodjr pic.twitter.com/oNCTezkeho
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) April 7, 2023
On the Daily Show, guest host Roy Wood Jr reacted to a bombshell ProPublica investigation that found that the supreme court justice Clarence Thomas did not disclose hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of luxury trips funded by the billionaire Republican donor Harlan Crow.
Crow claimed to ProPublica that he had never tried to influence Thomas on legal or political matters. “Oh yeah, I’m sure this billionaire Republican didn’t want to influence nobody,” Wood deadpanned. “He just wanted to go on vacation with Clarence Thomas because we all know that Clarence Thomas is clearly a bag of fun.
“Here’s my question: if you’re going to buy a supreme court justice, why would you spend all that money on luxury yachts and planes for Clarence Thomas?” he wondered. “You could’ve bought Brett Kavanaugh for a bottle of Jäger and a Southwest boarding pass. This is the better deal!”
Jimmy Fallon
And on the Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon also touched on Marjorie Taylor Greene calling New York “repulsive” and “disgusting” on Fox News. “But don’t worry, things got a lot better here after she left,” he quipped.
He pivoted to Starbucks, which has introduced a new line of olive-oil-infused coffee that has led some customers to complain of stomach issues. “But don’t worry, I hear Dunkin’s new Crisco Coolatta is great,” Fallon joked. “Of course, Starbucks is already taking advantage – they’re now selling a Peptoccino.”
And due to a pilot shortage, some people are calling on Congress to raise the retirement age from 65 to 67. “It’s not good when you’re pilot’s like, ‘We’re flying through a huge cloud – oh wait, that’s my cataracts,’” Fallon joked.
“You’ll know when your pilot’s older when they say, ‘We’ll be landing in three minutes. I want to make sure I’m home before Jeopardy.’”
Fallon concluded with a story of a pilot who was able to safely land his plane after a deadly cobra slithered up his shirt. “Yep, he landed the plane while his co-pilot did something even more heroic: filmed it for TikTok,” Fallon said.
