A Scots mum has told how she felt "numb" after her son took his own life following a mental health battle lasting over a decade.
Jennifer Wilkins', 30-year-old son Oliver, of Arbroath, sadly died by suicide last year following his struggle with depression and anxiety.
Jennifer said that the dad-of-one changed drastically after almost dying 12-years-ago.
Oliver began self harming after a surgery following an accident where he fractured his skull.
After a blood clot was removed, Jennifer said her son "changed a lot".
His mum explained: "He had quite a bad accident about 12 years ago where he fractured his skull and did almost die.
"He had to get to a blood clot removed from his skull and it changed him a lot. He didn't like change, he almost showed signs of ADHD.
"He got really low and depressed and that was when he began self-harming."
She added: "During lockdown, he got a new job which he was finding very stressful, he was often on his own, without much training.
"I don't particularly believe his employers were very supportive over his mental health despite them being aware of the situation.
"Olly had been married but that didn't work out and the divorce really affected him as well and he really went off the rails.
"He was suffering from low-self esteem and and self-worth and struggled to find anything or any relationship that made him happy.
Jennifer said that Olly had been prescribed anti-depressants for three or four years after he initially feeling like he didn't need them.
She noted he "fell into the trap of right I feel better now so I'll stop and I could always tell when because his mood would change."
Olly then tried to reach out to someone to speak to for help and managed to find a counsellor but things didn't go as planned.
Jennifer said: "I read some of his transcripts from when he'd spoken to the counsellor and he in a very vulnerable place at that time.
"I think that Olly had a couple of meetings and the counsellor then went off on holiday and he was left in a very difficult position.
"That's when he committed suicide. He had started to get some help but I think he gave up and couldn't deal with life anymore.
"I wish that somebody could have taken over at that point and carried on with the counselling and his work had done something."
Jennifer continued: "Olly was funny, clever, handsome and to look at him, full of life. He loved having a laugh and adventure.
"He always liked to be outdoors doing something, kayaking, biking, going to the gym. We used to do a lot of hillwalking together.
"Olly was very much a family man, he's got a daughter Emily, who is 11, and he enjoyed spending time with her."
The death left the 60-year-old feeling "numb", saying: "It's difficult to even put into words how I felt, initially I was just numb. You just don't take it in.
"Then, because he's talked about it before, I almost wasn't surprised. It goes from that to why couldn't I have done something to help?
"I'd seen Olly the night before and we were laughing and joking, he'd gone home and that was it, he didn't want to go on anymore."
Now, Jennifer has decided to kayak the Caledonian Canal solo in his memory as this was something that he enjoyed doing.
Jennifer said: "He'd always promised to take me out on the kayak but we never got round to it.
"My family bought me a kayak when Olly died and I just absolutely love it.
"I'm planning to do it in the first week in September I'm of finalising my route. I'm hoping to do between 12 and 14 miles a day.
"I will be carrying my kit with me, just a tent and a sleeping bag because I'll be camping on the riverbank."
Although she is embarking on the challenge solo, she plans to invite others to join her for a day at a time to enjoy their company.
She is also raising money for three mental health charities along the way in memory of Oliver through her GoFundMe page.
Jennifer concluded: "I think we still need to be doing more. There can still be this attitude of 'you just need to pull yourself together.
"And I think we should be able to talk about it more and I think it needs to be recognised in the workplace more for a lot of people.
"Olly enjoyed his job but he got quite stressed out with work because he was being asked to do things he didn't really understand.
"He was a perfectionist so a lot of stress and anxiety was coming from the workplace.
"I personally just want to understand why so many young men are taking their lives.
"Olly's really good friend killed himself in October 2020 and, of course, they hadn't managed to get together during lockdown.
"His friend committed suicide and he really, really struggled with that and he couldn't seem to get his head round his friend dying.
"And then Olly did the same and I want to do something, to raise the money and also raise awareness
"You see so many young men go missing, people go missing by looking at Facebook. What is it? What do we need to do help them?"
Don't miss the latest news from around Scotland and beyond - Sign up to our daily newsletter here .
