Samantha Bee
Samantha Bee looked for ways to help the worst refugee crisis in Europe since the second world war on the latest episode of Full Frontal, as more than 2 million Ukrainians have fled the Russian invasion of their country. “All of this suffering can be laid at the manicured feet of one deranged man baby who’s been waiting for this moment since the early 90s,” she said on Thursday evening of the Russian leader, Vladimir Putin.
“Back then, Putin was sad that the Soviet Union broke up, so like many children of divorce, this lonely little 39-year-old boy refused to accept it,” she continued. “For years, Putin has dreamed of getting the empire back together in one big-ass geopolitical parent trap, and he sees Ukraine as a vital piece.
“So now, a nation of 44 million is suffering because Putin can’t move on from something that happened way back when Color Me Badd ruled the world.”
Most of the Ukrainian refugees are women and children, who are “so brave”, said Bee. “And I mean actually brave, not #brave, like when a hot mom posts a picture of herself in a bikini.
“This humanitarian nightmare is exactly what Putin wants, and he shows no signs of backing down,” Bee said. She praised the internationally coordinated efforts of economic sanctions and business closures, “but hurting Putin isn’t enough. We also have to help the people whose lives he’s destroying.”
Bee called on the Biden administration to take unilateral actions such as increasing the number of refugees the US admits from Ukraine and allowing people facing urgent humanitarian need to stay in the US without a visa. “But the most important thing we can all do is care about refugees, from Ukraine and from everywhere else,” she concluded.
Seth Meyers
“There’s no good outcomes for anyone here, including Russia,” Seth Meyers said on Thursday’s Late Night, of the war in Ukraine. Which is why Ukraine’s president, Volodymyr Zelenskiy, said in an interview with Vice News that dialogue was the only way to stop the conflict.
“That’s really incredible – even a guy who’s being hunted by one of the world’s most barbaric autocrats still believes in the power of dialogue,” Meyers said of the interview. “And let’s not forget: this guy who is now courageously leading his people in defense of their homeland was once Ukraine’s top comedian. Which makes it even more incredible, because the comedians I know do not believe in dialogue. They believe in monologue.
“If even Zelenskiy still believes in the power of dialogue, then the rest of us should, too,” he added. “Because he’s right: that’s the only way this horrific conflict can end. Reckless escalation will only make things worse, which is why irresponsible GOP politicians and pundits need to stop floating crazy ideas that would only heighten tension between nuclear powers.”
Such as former president Donald Trump, who told a crowd of Republican donors over the weekend that the US should put the Chinese flag on F-22 jets and “bomb the shit out of Russia” in retribution for its invasion of Ukraine.
Meyers discouraged viewers from seeing the remarks as flippant, or a joke. “A lot of us assumed that he was joking when he said he was going to run for president because, you know, he was a famously broke game show idiot,” he said. “But Trump is always joking until he’s not. He’s like a husband pitching a three-way to his wife and her best friend.”
Stephen Colbert
On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert celebrated news that the Russian warship told to “go fuck yourself” at Snake Island had been destroyed. “So it may not have done exactly what the Ukrainians wanted, but it did go down on itself,” Colbert said to audience cheers.
“The failure of the vaunted Russian war machine to overwhelm the much smaller Ukraine has shocked the world,” he continued. And they appear to be plagued by extensive military problems; according to the New York Times, some Russian troops crossed the border into Ukraine with MREs (meals ready to eat) that expired in 2002. “It’s never a good sign when your dinner is old enough to enlist,” Colbert joked.
The Russians also appear to be low on fuel, which would help explain why their giant convoy remains stuck in a column about 20 miles outside of Kyiv and has barely moved in a week. “They’re stuck in a tank conga line,” Colbert joked.
Trevor Noah
It’s true that Kim Kardashian works hard. But you know who else works hard? Most women. pic.twitter.com/NodCoBKbpu
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) March 11, 2022
And on the Daily Show, Trevor Noah debriefed the internet firestorm over comments Kim Kardashian made in an interview with Variety. “I have the best advice for women in business: get your fuckin’ ass up and work,” she said. “It seems like nobody wants to work these days.”
“I know a lot of people are pissed off at Kim. But if I’m being perfectly honest, I can see this thing from both sides,” said Noah. On Kim’s side, “she’s like, ‘You guys think I just take a few pictures and I got to a few events and then suddenly I’m rich and famous and you think it’s easy, but it’s not easy. And I understand that. Kim does a lot of work. She grinds all the time, she’s a shrewd businesswoman, and she’s a mom to Kanye and the kids.
“But part of this idea that people have of Kim is Kim’s fault,” he continued. “I mean think about it: for decades, the thing that she sold is not work. In fact, she works really hard to look like she’s not working hard. Every photo of Instagram she’s either on a beach, or in a pool, or in a hot tub.”
But what Kardashian doesn’t seem to understand, Noah added, is that “it can come off as extremely condescending to tell women that the reason they’re not successful is because they’re too lazy to get off their asses and actually work. Because yes, Kim Kardashian works hard. But you know who else works hard? Most women. But what their asses don’t have is Kim’s luck to be born into a rich family.”
