Editor’s Note: This story was originally published in July, 2022. It has since been updated.
The year was 2017.
I was but a younger writer for this website, and I decided one slow July sports day to rank the greatest salads of all time. Why? Because salads are great and who doesn’t like to rank stuff and debate about it?
But here’s the catch: In the past year or so, I shared these rankings with my fellow For The Win colleagues.
And, like a veggie that’s going in a hot salad, they roasted me. And it didn’t stop then. Whenever food takes came up in our work chat, inevitably some form of “Well at least they’re not the salad rankings” would be uttered.
So I’m here to redeem myself. And this time, we’re opening the rankings up to ALL salads, by name OR practice:
14
Jello salad
Did you know this was a thing? Is it still a thing? If it is, I beg you: Stop putting stuff — vegetables, fruit, anything — in Jell-O that doesn’t belong there (with one exception):
13
Garden or House salad
Why nearly last, you ask? Because anytime you see “Garden Salad” or “House salad” on a menu, you should know what it is: Some lettuce, a tomato here and there, maybe a vinegary dressing that’s too much of one thing and not another, and the occasional pepper.
Boo.
12
Chef's salad
In the words of Joey Tribbiani, “Meat, good.” But slimy cold cuts and cheese mixed into greens and such? Nope. I can just have a sandwich and a side salad instead?
11
Waldorf Salad
Full disclosure: I’m allergic to tree nuts, so this would already be a “no” for me.
But: Celery. Apples. Grapes. Mayo? NO THANK YOU.
10
"Bound" salads
First: Thanks to (former) FTW Managing Editor Alex McDaniel, I learned while writing this list that “salads” with chicken, tuna, egg, potato and such are known as bound salads.
Second: They’re not really salads. So I’m sticking them all here.
Third: I cowardly will not be ranking them separately, but German potato salad rules.
9
Fruit salad
Delicious when served in the summer. Said this in my last set of rankings, but bears repeating: “The juice that forms at the bottom of a container of fruit salad should be bottled and sold because it’s amazing.”
8
Greek salad
Looking back at my original list, this one stands out: Why did I rank this as a top-five salad? It’s good, but not top five!
7
Wedge salad
Sigh. OK.
So this was one of the takes that I’ve been shamed for. And I get it: If some of the top salads are bacon-centric later in this list, why is this one not an all-timer?
Because (gulp) I think blue cheese is gross as heck.
But let me put that aside, because a lot of people like a good wedge. And I understand that: Cheesy, bacon-y, crunchy.
I’m just not eating it myself.
6
Caprese
My wife made one recently and in my head, I exclaimed “IT’S A SALAD! How could I forget that?”
A near-perfect balance of mozzarella, tomatoes, basil, olive oil and salt.
5
Spinach salad
We’ve reached the bacon and egg vehicles.
4
Cobb salad
More eggs and bacon.
3
Nicoise Salad
Balance in a salad is the best thing, and this is the one that’s completely balanced: The crunch of the lettuce and somewhat cooked green beans. The soft tomatoes and hard boiled egg. The brininess of the olives. The vinegary dressing. And the salty, fishy addition of grilled tuna steak.
2
Taco salad
You want to know what the most egregiously wrong take I had was?
When I opened my original salad rankings, this hit me in the face:
Goodness, Younger Charles WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
It’s a taco! In a crunchy bowl! What’s the problem here?
1
Caesar salad
Did you know it originated in Mexico at a restaurant called Caesar’s? Now you know. And it’s the GOAT. The combination of the dressing — don’t hate on anchovies in this case! — and the fresh lettuce is perfect.
