Dylan Hartley, Danny Cipriani and Mike Brown have opened up on their Rugby World Cup heartbreak after being left out of the England squad by Eddie Jones.
For the first time since learning he was not going to Japan, former England captain Hartley has revealed how his mission felt “almost like I’d died”, having been overlooked due to his long injury lay-off that stretches back to December last year.
The 33-year-old remains sidelined as the new Premiership season approaches, and with what used to be his England squad out in Japan preparing for what is the opportunity of a lifetime, he instead continues to rehabilitate a long-term knee injury.
“Health-wise, I'm good. Healthy. Mentally stable. I'm in a good space, actually,” he said. "When the World Cup squad was announced, it was almost like I'd died - friends getting in touch and seeing if I was OK.
"Ultimately, the way I looked at my whole rugby career and how I wanted it to pan out, and how it was going, was that this would have been the ultimate send-off, the dream finish to an international career.
"The reality is you pick up an injury. For four years we have talked about winning the World Cup with Eddie, and I have led that group, been a part of that journey, so to fall at the final hurdle... I don't know the feeling.
"I wake up most nights thinking about it. It doesn't sit well with me, but I have come to terms with it. You have to crack on."
The pain in Hartley’s left knee, which he refused to discuss as it remains a “private” matter, is nothing compared to what he will feel watching the World Cup over the next seven weeks.
"I genuinely think England (will win), they've got as good a chance to go and do it," he added. "The worst thing for me is to think if my leg wasn't f***** at the moment I could be there with them, winning a World Cup. It's hard to swallow, really.
"I hope they go and win. I'll get on and be a glory supporter - remember me guys?
"I'll be hanging off the side of the open-top bus, in my 97th (appearance) shirt."
The 97-cap hooker was given a final deadline by England coach Jones to meet ahead of their summer training camp at the start of July, but by trying to rush his body to repair in time to feature, Hartley managed to not only do more damage physically, but in his own mind as well.
"I tried an (initial) approach with my knee, a very aggressive approach, because I was given some deadlines to meet, and the aggressive approach did not work," he said. "I basically ended up in a worse position for trying to come back too early. Ever since that happened, I knew I wasn't going to make the deadline.
"It was around the start of the camps, when they first got together around the start of July. I tried getting back for that and basically put myself in a bit of a hole physically and mentally. Everyone asks when you are coming back but I have learned that you do not put a time frame on it, because when you are 10 days out from it and you know you're nowhere near, you can play these games in your head and it's tough.
"At the moment I'm building my tolerance to be able to run every day and participate every day."
Brown meanwhile refused to lift the lid on his Treviso training camp bust-up with Ben Te’o, but did say that he beliefs he will be on the right side of history when the truth is revealed – something he seems happy to do himself once England’s World Cup campaign is out of the way in order not to derail their momentum.
Both Brown and Te’o were axed from the squad following an altercation during a team bonding session, the details of which have been kept under wraps. But while Brown could still feature in Japan if injury strikes the current squad, Te’o has ruled out any chance of that by moving to France to join Toulon.
“When the details come out people will know how everyone in that situation handled themselves. And I've got no regrets,” Brown said. "It's not the right time to go into full details of what happened.
"I always try to stick to the team ethos and it wouldn't be right for me with the guys preparing for a World Cup, Eddie and the players, to start talking about things that went on during the pre-season. It's more important for them to focus on what they are doing.
"But obviously the World Cup won't last forever, so there will be a time and a point where I feel comfortable and the time is right to speak about what my experiences were."
Brown has not spoken to Te’o since the incident, but his own agony lies in not being able to make up for the disappointment of 2015, where England crashed out of the pool stage at their home World Cup.
That triggered the arrival of Jones, who initially stuck with Brown as his first-choice full-back, but eventually the Australian head coach phased him first out of the shirt – as he swapped places with Anthoy Watson on the wing – and then out of the starting XV to accommodate Elliot Daly with Watson, before leaving him out of matchday squads altogether.
But ever defiant, Brown still believes he remains the best England full-back currently playing the game.
"It's obviously heartbreaking to miss out, you want to put things right from 2015,” Brown added. "I've worked hard my whole career to be involved in these big tournaments.
"I still feel I'm the best full-back for England. If I didn't feel that I would have stopped playing for England.
"But selection is one man's choice, and he's [Jones] the main man with that job, and unfortunately it didn't go my way this time. I still feel I'm the best English full-back, that's not being arrogant that's just what I believe.
"I think everyone who was in the 45 who isn't in Japan is on standby, that's my understanding."
Should Brown’s belief that everyone named at the start of the summer remains in emergency contention if injury strikes, it would mean that Cipriani remains in the mix even though Jones evidently does not see the Gloucester fly-half in his plans.
Cipriani not only fell behind Owen Farrell and George Ford in the No 10 pecking order, but also youngster Marcus Smith last season, and the 31-year-old accepted that to persuade Jones into changing his mind over his selection would’ve taken a divine intervention.
Asked if he feels he got a fair crack of the whip from Jones over the last four years to push his World Cup claims, Cipriani answered: "What is a fair crack of the whip? I can't go in there demanding any time. It is just characters and it is just different people. Eddie is in a high-pressure situation being England coach and he has done a great job.
"He has put his faith in George Ford and Owen Farrell and they have done well for him.
"Going into a big competition I would have had to turn water into wine to really sway him. It would have been very difficult to do so.
"I can completely understand why he made his decision. Do I think it was the right decision? I don't know. I am going to support England and hope they do great."
