Kevin Maguire, you know Kevin Maguire? He writes for our sister paper, does the telly? Him? He is a mate of mine and we largely agree on most issues. Apart from two.
The first is his continued insistence that Sunderland Football Club is some sort of footballing powerhouse.
The second is the Royal Family. Kevin is 100% republican, which is fair enough. But I’ve always taken more of a laissez-faire approach.
They’ve never done me any harm and I’ve always found them a harmless enough irrelevance. Something people enjoy but I’ve never been able to understand, like Line of Duty, Tia Maria or broccoli.
But this week’s news proves Kevin was right all along. (Not about Sunderland, of course, who are mid-table in the Championship and, let’s face it, overperforming.)
No, the royals. More than £1billion in income from the Duchy of Cornwall and the Duchy of Lancaster. I don’t know what a ‘duchy’ is either – unless it’s Musical Youth’s song Pass the Dutchie (it’s not). But that’s a lot of money.
The duchies are in the real-estate business, with shops and hotels, and offices and all sorts of other investments that they pay no corporation tax on. It’s horrifying.
Particularly when we’re all about to stump up another few quid each so the new King can be crowned. The whole thing is medieval.
This is the kind of money that could solve a lot of problems. The Tory Government has just taken millions out of social care.
It would be nice if we could plug that gap with, you know, some of this medieval loot that’s knocking around.
Likewise, those migrants we are about to stuff into a prison hulk off the coast of Dorset (advertised somehow as luxury accommodation because it has a pool table).
There must be some more pleasant land for them somewhere. Some of the hectares controlled by this bizarre portfolio could surely be put to better use.
Failing that, Windsor Castle has 188 bedrooms, last time I checked. Dunno about Buckingham Palace, Windsor always struck me as having better views.
That would really help me argue with Maguire. If this incarnation of the Royal Family decided to share the wealth, to really do some great things for the country, other than whatever it is they normally do. Wave at people from fancy cars.
It’ll never happen. And I have to admit Maguire is right.
So here you go, Kev. I agree – it’s time for the Royal Family to go. They are too expensive and a terrible anachronism.
And, yes – the 1973 Cup Final was the greatest game ever played and, I can’t believe I’m writing this, the best team won.
