Living with someone else—even your friends!—has its fair share of challenges. Sure, having roommates can help you save money and be more social, but suddenly, you can’t do whatever you want. You have to look for compromises everywhere, split the chores, and make sure that everyone sticks to the rules they came up with. But even if you feel that you’re the best person to live with, your roommates can throw you a curveball.
Internet user u/Vivid-Technician-829 found himself utterly confused when a good friend of his, with whom he had been living together with for months, asked him to move out. It was a bolt from the blue. So, he decided to take all the things he paid for with him, which made his (now former) roommate very upset. Now, the man’s asking the internet whether he was wrong to do what he did. You’ll find the full story below.
We reached out to G. Brian Davis, a real estate investor and the co-founder of SparkRental.com, for his thoughts on how to divide up things when moving out, as well as what the hallmarks of a truly great roommate are. You’ll find Bored Panda’s interview with him as you read on.
A bit of friction is to be expected when living with other people. What’s unpleasantly surprising is when they don’t communicate at all
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / envato (not the actual photo)
An anonymous man explained how his friend, whom he was living with, suddenly demanded that he move out
Image credits: Prostock-studio / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Vivid-Technician-829
“Each person should buy and own their own household objects, so there’s no dispute over who owns what at move-out”
According to Davis, you can’t take your roommate situation for granted. Instead, you should think of it as temporary. “To prevent surprises, check in with your roommate periodically about how long they plan on continuing to live together,” the co-founder of SparkRental.com told us via email.
“That helps you plan your move in advance, rather than getting caught off-guard and being forced to move out immediately,” he said.
“Regarding furniture, never buy it, electronics, or decorations together with a roommate. Each person should buy and own their own household objects, so there’s no dispute over who owns what at move-out.”
We asked Davis for his thoughts on what qualities a truly great roommate has. From his perspective, there needs to be compatibility in both lifestyle and personalities among the people living together.
“It helps when roommates keep similar hours, have similar social expectations about hosting guests, have similar drinking and smoking habits. Establish ground rules about significant others spending the night and about usage of shared resources such as the kitchen and living room TV,” he told Bored Panda.
“Roommates get into trouble when they fail to talk through these sorts of flash points before they happen. You need to have these conversations before they become an issue—for example, have the conversation about significant others while both of you are still single before a boyfriend or girlfriend enters the mix.”
It makes a lot of sense to bring what you’ve paid for when you move out unless something’s super bulky or you no longer need it
To be clear, there is nothing wrong with taking all of your things with you when you move out. It’s your property, after all. You paid for everything! It’s not petty, it’s fair.
However, if you want to be courteous to your roommates and move out on good terms, you can leave some of the most commonly used items like the fridge, couch, etc. For one, bulkier things can be a hassle to move.
Furthermore, if your new place already has a fridge and couch, it’s not like you need two of those things. So, it might be practical and less of a headache to leave the older stuff behind. The only exception would be if you feel sentimental about your old things or if they’re very expensive or high-tech.
Having to move out at the drop of a hat can be incredibly stressful. Especially if your roommates go behind your back to talk to the landlord, barely give you any time, and don’t exactly explain why it is that you have to leave.
If you’re on good terms with your roommates (i.e., if you’re actually friends), you can always ask for a bit more time. Read your contract in full to check how much time you have to legally move out. If you’re being unfairly pressured, talk to your landlord directly.
Meanwhile, if your name is also on the lease, it’s not like your roommates can force you to move out without your consent. Again, read the contract. Then, read up on your local laws. It sounds iffy that someone can pressure you to move out without first talking to you about it or the landlord reaching out to you directly.
Being forced to move out can be unpleasant, but stressful situations can show you the truth about who your real friends are
All of that aside, moving out can actually be a good thing. There are a few silver linings. For one, it’s an opportunity to take stock of everything you own and downsize. All of us pick up clutter over the years.
Some of it is sentimental. Some of it is useful. But many things are junk, from clothes we never wear and decades-old documents to weird decor and bizarre knick-knacks. Sort through it. Take what’s salvageable to your local charity or goodwill shop. Throw out the rest.
These sorts of high-pressure situations can also help you get to grips with who your real friends are. True friends are with you through all the highs and lows of your life and will be transparent and vulnerable.
Meanwhile, so-called fairweather friends only hang around when things are easy and fun. When you need help, all they have are excuses. They’re also likely to gossip behind your back, avoid honesty like they’re allergic to it, and are bitter when things go too well for you.
Someone who forces you to move out at the last possible moment may not be the great friend you think they are. You may need to rethink your relationship with them.
Living together with your friends might sound ideal at the start, but when you’re around anyone for a long amount of time, it’s impossible to avoid friction. Someone might be a great pal and awesome to hang out with, but they might be a nightmare at home because they don’t pick up after themselves, ignore your boundaries, and steal your food.
You can save yourself a lot of headaches in the future if everyone agrees on a list of rules and regulations for living together
So, you’ve got to either really know the person (and their habits!) before moving in with them or come up with a comprehensive list of rules for everyone to follow. You need to cover things like rent, chores, shared food, inviting people over, and what you’ll do in case there are any disagreements.
Look, it’s awkward enough to bring up any issues you have with the people you live with (smelly socks, dirty dishes, loud music, constant parties), so if you set up a clear framework beforehand, you’re saving yourself a world of trouble.
The CEO and Founder of college guidance company IvyWise, Kat Cohen, explained to CNBC that drafting a roommate contract can be useful so that everyone’s on the same page regarding the rules, responsibilities, and individual preferences.
“An individual’s ability to be considerate of others and willingness to compromise are important determining factors as to whether he or she will be a good roommate or not,” Cohen said, adding that some roommates may simply be unaware of how their behavior and habits negatively impact everyone around them.
According to Cohen, you shouldn’t romanticize your relationship with your (future) roommates about how you’ll be best friends forever. “Instead of placing unrealistic expectations on the nature of this relationship, focus on fulfilling your responsibilities as a roommate by being considerate and conscientious,” Cohen urged everyone to have low expectations and ease into these new relationships.
What do you think, dear Pandas? Was the author of the viral story right to take all of his things with him when he was forced to move out? Has anyone forced you to move out of your apartment very suddenly? If so, what happened? What are the best and worst roommates that you’ve ever had? Let us know in the comments!
Many internet users who stumbled across the story wanted to share their perspectives. Here’s what they told the author
