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Name: Partner probations.
Age: New.
Appearance: Like a relationship, up to a point.
Up to what point? Shall we say three months?
And then what? Then we’ll see.
Are you asking me out? Because I think your technique is terrible. I’m just trying to apprise you of the ins and outs of a relationship probation.
Where is this coming from? It appears to have its roots in employment practices, and the debate about it seems to have its home on TikTok.
And what is a relationship probation? It’s a contractually agreed trial period – typically 90 days – during which a romantic attachment continues while certain conditions are supposed to be met.
Then you break up, like you were always going to? Not necessarily – the relationship may be saved, as long your significant other follows the PIP.
The PIP? The Performance Improvement Plan – a lot of the terms used in a partner probation are borrowed from human resources.
So they either remember to empty the dishwasher or they’re toast? The conditions are up to you.
But this happens at the end of relationship, just before you boot them out? Often it’s prescribed at the very beginning, like a probationary period of employment. The #threemonthrule has amassed 5.7m views on TikTok.
What’s the point of it? To see if you are compatible, while giving the relationship sufficient room to develop and time for both partners’ true colours to be shown.
What if, after 90 days, the signs aren’t good? Move on and stop wasting your time, “because that’s how you end up in a situationship”, according to TikToker @manifestingbabe.
A situationship? A romantic relationship that is ongoing and yet ill-defined, with no sense of commitment or forward momentum.
Will I have access to the full range of benefits during the probationary period? The terms are up to both partners. “Typically refrain from having sex,” says @manifestingbabe. “But we’re human, we all have needs.”
Is any of this actually a good idea? It depends on who you ask. Some relationship experts think the attention to relationship maintenance is good. But imposing conditions and time limits unilaterally can be simply manipulative.
Just like my actual boss. They made me sign a contract and then fired me anyway after 90 days. For not following the PIP?
No, for stealing. But whatever. Our first date is cancelled.
Do say: “It’s just like a new job – keep your head down for three months and then you can coast.”
Don’t say: “It’s just like a new job – whatever you do, don’t tell them you’re pregnant.”
