Richard E. Grant has opened up about the intense loneliness he experiences following the loss of his beloved wife.
In his new memoir, the actor, 65, recalls his final moments with his late wife Joan Washington, her pride in his first Oscar nomination and how he has come to terms with life without Joan following her devastating death in September 2021.
The Withnail and I star announced the tragic death of his wife of 35 years on September 3, taking to social media to confirm the sad news and pay tribute to voice coach and mother of his daughter Olivia.
"ONLY YOU! Joan – Love of my Life & Giver of Life to our daughter Olivia. Our hearts are broken with the loss of your Life last night. 35 years married & 38 together," the actor tweeted at the time, alongside a clip of him and his beloved Joan.
"To be truly known and seen by you, is your immeasurable gift. Do not forget us, sweet Monkee-mine."
Writing in his upcoming book, A Pocketful of Happiness, Richard remembers his late wife being so proud and pleased for the actor when he was first nominated for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar thanks to his role in the 2018 film, Can You Ever Forgive Me?
In extracts of the memoir published in MailOnline over the weekend, the actor recalls feeling 'sucker-punched' when Joan revealed she didn't want to attend the Oscars ceremony with him, remembering his late wife telling him: "Hear me out. I’m 5 ft 3 in and those American women tower over me, and it’s an absolute trial being shunted around like a piece of furniture. I know that you’ll have a much better time with Oilly [their daughter]."
In his diary entry from September 1 2021, Richard painfully retells his final moments with his beloved spouse - remembering a visiting doctor telling him he had rarely come across a patient with such levels of determination before a nurse sadly pointed out Joan would possibly die that evening.
"Return to Joan’s bedside and hold her hand with my left, while scrolling through local funeral directors on my iPhone with my right," Richard writes in his diary after being told the devastating news.
"Truly feel that my Joan has left us in spirit already, and it’s only her body that is struggling on beside me."
Richard said he was by Joan's side and gently stroking her hands as she died.
"It’s all okay, my angel. Don’t hold on. We all love you so. So, so much," the actor told her as she took her final breath.
In the weeks following Joan's passing, the actor contemplates 'the sheer aloneness of being alone' and tells of how the absence of his beloved late wife 'feels blinding' at times, as he and their daughter Olivia try to come to terms with her death.
"Us. We. Let’s. Now it’s solitary. Single. Solo. Alone," Richard writes two months on from Joan's passing.
"In Gwyneth Paltrow-speak, we’ve now been de-coupled by death."
In April 2022 - eight months on from his wife's death - Richard explains how he is now trying to navigate the world, with Joan's wisdom guiding him.
He writes: "In the spring of this year I travelled to Australia to film. Posted the following text/video message, walking along a beach on the Gold Coast: 'Beautiful as this beach is, I feel and look like an old turtle without my shell, trying to navigate the world on my own, having lost my loving 'compass'.'
"Feels like a whole new world, navigating solo, but as Joan so wisely asked me: 'Find a pocketful of happiness in each day.' I’ll try my best."
Richard and Joan first met when she was working as a voice coach, and he fell for her even though she was married to someone else at the time.
After becoming a couple, Richard proposed at an airport in the most romantic way and they went on to enjoy a marriage spanning three decades.
Last year, prior to his wife's death, the movie star revealed his love for his Joan and daughter Olivia during his new documentary series, Write Around the World with Richard E Grant.
*A Pocketful Of Happiness by Richard E. Grant, is set to be published by Gallery on September 29 at £20. © Richard E. Grant 2022.
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