My friend Jon says that Billy Bob’s Parlour in Skipton is the best place in the world.
I know, I know. You’re thinking that Jon probably says stuff like that all the time, that he’s a fizzing whirlwind of zest and enthusiasm, and that he lives his life in a constant spiral of excitement and positivity. “That’s amazing! No, that’s amazing! It’s *ALL* amazing!”, says Jon, overwhelmed with joy as he navigates the sandwich aisle at our local Booth’s.
And, well, in fairness, you’d have a point. Jon is, it has to be said, a delightfully giddy kipper. It’s one of the best things about him. But, just like the stopped clock, the giddiest of kippers is right from time to time — and this is very much one of those times.
Because, yes. Billy Bob’s Parlour in Skipton is the best place in the world.
Although it’s not really in Skipton. It’s in the middle of the Yorkshire Dales, surrounded by hills and fells and becks and ghylls and other things that just aren’t the same anywhere else in the country. Yorkshire is wonderful, and Billy Bob’s Parlour is right in the middle of it, in every sense.
It’s two massive playgrounds, set inside two massive barns, with rope swings, and hay bales, and ziplines. Most importantly, of course, it’s a diner.
And what a diner it is. This is a veritable extravaganza of Americana, from the signage to the typefaces, to the refurbished soda fountain that does cherry coke and raspberry lemonade and cloudy ginger beer, served up in one of those sundae glasses with sherbet all round the rim, like a family-friendly margarita. It’s the sort of diner I thought only existed in Grease, where, for a fleeting moment, Rydell High also looks like the best place in the world, before social pressures and teen pregnancy start to rear their heads. Yes, Billy Bob’s is like Grease, only instead of the bully-driven stratification of the teen experience, it’s 33 flavours of ice cream (all made on site), crispy waffles and steaming pancakes and maple syrup that tastes like it genuinely started life inside a tree. Oh, and a bloody good smash burger.
It’s the sort of diner I thought only existed in Grease
More than any of that, though, it’s a place where families go to be happy. Where reluctant dads can’t help but get excited about the fact that there’s an actual school bus inside the building (you can sit inside it to eat! You really can!). Where tired grandparents will enjoy grits with bacon as the four-year-old who’s decided nothing is going to make her happy finds that the Banana Split Decision is the best decision she’s ever made.
The menu itself is a madcap dash through a world of US nostalgia that I suspect never really existed, but has never felt more comforting. This is fun food taken seriously. You’ll come into the diner covered in hay from the play-barns, and you’ll leave sticky and satisfied, whether that’s from the Philly Cheese Steak (perfectly gooey, and the bread’s spot on), the pulled pork (a touch sweet for me, but the kids loved it), the ribs (that wouldn’t look out of place in one of those TikToks where a 19-year-old is constantly amazed that food exists), or one of the impressive array of vegetarian or vegan options (don’t look now, Donald: this diner’s gone woke, and it’s delicious).
And listen: this isn’t fancy cooking — if the Michelin inspectors ever did rock up here, they’d be far too busy jumping off hay-bales to break out their notepads. That’s not to say the food’s not great: it’s largely wonderful, the ingredients largely local, and all pulled together in a way that would in other, lesser places — say, Surrey — come with a hefty “farm-to-table” premium. But that’s not the point of Billy Bob’s. Billy Bob’s isn’t about showing off, or fuss. It’s about giving home-style cooking that’ll make you happy. Really, really happy.
Because ultimately, sometimes all you need is massive, juicy burgers with perfectly crispy bacon. Sometimes, all you need is corn-bread that’s light and fluffy with just the right amount of crunch to the crust. Sometimes, all you need is a massive bowl of skin-on chips, ribs that fall off the bone, and a bus in the restaurant.
So sure, there may be more sophisticated, fancier restaurants out there. If that’s what you’re after, Hetton’s just up the road, and the Angel’s a bloody dream. If, though, the day calls for a cracking burger, with a side of joy, wrapped up in barnyard frolics, more ice cream than you’ve ever seen, and a cup of coffee that would keep Jack Reacher going all week, then Billy Bob’s is there for you, quietly being the best place in the world. Point taken, Jon.
Calm Slate Farm, Bolton Abbey, Skipton, BD23 6EU, billybobsparlour.com
