A restaurant owner has hit back at reviewers who left a handful of one-star ratings on Tripadvisor.
The Pig & Whistle Restaurant, based in Chelmsford, Essex, has created more than 1,200 happy customers - with an impressive average 4.5 rating on Tripadvisor.
Many praise the service and food, but a handful of fussy customers have left damning reviews on the page, Essex Live reports.
Clearly unimpressed, the restaurant's owner has decided to hit back - calling one of the reviewee's husband a "child" and another a "freeloader" after they expected a complimentary bottle of plonk.
They also hit out at another review which confused them as a pub - with the owner sassily stating they 'wouldn't enter a shoe shop for a haircut'.
One Tripadvisor review gave the restaurant one star, complaining their food was 'burnt to a crisp'.
They also alleged that their bread was stale and had 'black burn marks on it', as well as complaining of 'tiny portions' .
The review ended by stating: "We paid £100 for very poor food nothing was taken off the bill safe to say I won't be going back again".
In a hilarious reply, the owner of the Pig & Whistle restaurant likened the complainant's husband to a 'child', even telling the complainant to 'leave her child at home' next time she goes to a restaurant.
The reply read: "Can I suggest you stop pandering to your husband. He behaved like a sulky child. I do feel sorry for you... When my children get stroppy I tell them to behave.
"Like every child, can we suggest that you teach your husband to not ignore someone who’s trying to help, and that prodding your food with your fork at the table is bad manners.
"Like many restaurants, we don’t have highchairs so can I suggest you leave your child at home next time you plan a visit to a restaurant.
"We spoke as you left and you said yourself that your husband gets grumpy when he doesn’t get his own way. As we state on our website, if you’re going to be grumpy, stay at home!"
In another one-star rated review, the complainant alleged that they had "never been treated so badly in a restaurant before", stating that the manager was 'rude' and that their meal was cold. They added that they had 'trouble booking a table online'.
In response, the owner called the complainant a 'freeloader', and answered why they were unable to book online. The owner's response said: "Unfortunately for us you'd been in before and following that performance we'd blocked you from being able to book again, which is why you couldn't book online again. What a shame one of you didn't click we didn't want you back...!"
And in reply to the customer's alleged cold meal, the owner said: "Our chefs probed your mains once they were back in the kitchen and it wasn't cold, even our waiters commented that your plates were still hot when they took the food back.
"Even though you were offered replacements, one man in the party was very quick to request to pay for drinks and leave - me thinks you go around restaurants asking for freebies, if that's what you wanted why didn't you ask... then again I gather that you did ask this to one staff member expecting a free bottle of wine - that just sums up your visit... a freeload."
They concluded: "We're done with you :) It's such a shame you didn't get the hint when you tried to book online, it would have saved us all so much time and allowed some lovely deserving customers to join us that evening...!"
Another review complained that they were not able to sit down for a drink at the restaurant and were left feeling like 'second class citizens'. The review said: "We called in on the off chance, hoping for a drink but we were informed that this was an “a la carte restaurant” but that we could sit outside for a drink.
"We were escorted outside, feeling a bit like second class citizens and a drinks menu was brought out to us. Unfortunately, no one returned to take our order, so we left and called in at one of the many excellent pubs in the Great Waltham area."
The owner sassily replied to the review: "In big text on the wall it states “Restaurant “ .. The difference between a wet pub and a “Restaurant” is we deliver food. I am so delighted the pubs in Great Waltham suited you as they deliver what they state.
They added that they wouldn't enter a shoe shop for a haircut. The manager concluded: "Please research in future your venue. I certainly wouldn’t go into the Clark’s shop in town looking for a haircut."
