“Angry, sad, disappointed and scared” are the words Sue used when I asked her what it was like to be a parent to a trans child in the current climate.
The 57-year-old is mum to two sons, including Liverpool-based trans performer Luis Rowley. The customer services director has spoken out to highlight how transphobia just doesn't impact trans people but those around them and their allies.
Sue, who is from Lancashire, told the ECHO: “I use a phrase to describe the current situation - never have so many people had so much hatred for so few. Why? When we really think about it, the thing we share is that we are all human, which gives all of our communities more in common than our differences, so why is it when some of us want to live our lives in a certain way that it is seen as a threat and risk?”
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Luis, who lives in Everton, knew they were trans from the age of 13. It was when another student made a passing comment that things “clicked” for the 22-year-old. However, the process of Luis coming out as trans to their mum “happened over time”. Sue recalled Luis as “always being unique and very bright” with the two sharing a close relationship. Often they would talk about gender and what it meant, socially, physically and mentally.
When Luis, who uses they/them pronouns, first told Sue they were trans, she embraced them, and told them that she would always love them and they would "always be my baby".
Sue said: “I was pleased they had finally shared how they felt but sad that I didn’t intrinsically know and they had held this inside them for so long for fear of how I may react - and Luis and I are very close - so it must have been scary for them to take so long to tell me even though they know how much I love them.
"Love conquers all and when it comes to your child, this is enough but you must show it - Luis has not changed as a person I just know them better now. They also forgive me loads when I get things wrong because they know that fundamentally I love them and will stand by them without strings.”
Luis has been physically assaulted twice because of their gender identity. Sue said this isn’t including the “numerous verbal assaults” and countless social media trolls.
She added: “It is hideously cruel. First and foremost I am a mother, so this is in my job description, honestly it makes me cry to even think that someone would hurt Luis for no other reason than they are trans. I worry when my phone goes late at night, I even worry about who will worry when I am not around anymore - who will jump in the car and pick them up, physically, and mentally.”
Being attacked for no other reason than being trans isn’t uncommon in the UK. Last October, the Home Office highlighted that hate crimes in some areas across England and Wales had hit a new record high in 2022.
The statistics, published detailed at least 155,841 recorded hate crimes between March 2021 and March 2022. In the same 12-month period transgender hate crimes increased by 56%. Similar to national reports, Liverpool’s transphobic-related hate crimes also increased in the same period with more incidents being reported to police in the first eight months of 2022 than in any other year since 2019.
Sue believes two things are vital in bringing down these statistics and saving the trans community from abuse.
She told the ECHO: “We should stop victim blaming and the issue of safety of all communities should be considered to be equal. It is absolutely right that it is unacceptable to call people with disabilities names, to call people names because of their race - why is it ok to be unkind, abusive, threatening and even assault someone who is trans? It isn't.
“We should start in schools - children are not born prejudiced, they are innocent and react to a smile and a face. It isn’t about teaching young children about gender as such, just that we are all different, which is positive. We are part of a richly diverse world that we should celebrate. We are all human and have more in common than we have differences.”
Sue, who says she has been a supporter of women's rights all her life from working as well as volunteering and mentoring others, said people need to realise it “isn’t the top trumps of discrimination”.
She added: “Supporting the rights of the trans community does not detract from a focus on the issues facing women or any other disadvantaged group. Through Luis, I have had opportunities to spend time with the trans community, to show support as an ally, to connect with people and see just how much we have in common, our beliefs, ambitions around work, family."
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