Contrary to what Football Guys will want you to believe, not all professional football is created equal.
It is, indeed, the highest level of the sport with the best athletes, coaches, and resources. But, my goodness, it is still consistently capable of producing some of the most unwatchable dreck imaginable.
By that same token, few things are as thrilling and captivating as quality NFL football. It’s like a sugar rush when you catch a glimpse of a team with an offensive identity, a brash defense, a superstar quarterback, and it oozes charm all around.
You simply want more, no matter how bad it is for you (check the ratings, trust me).
The below annual watchability guide for the 2023 season aims to streamline your football-watching decision-making. Even if your favorite team stinks — this is the NFL, chances are that is extremely true — it doesn’t mean you have to relegate yourself to their frustrating exploits. Not every team will have you undergo a complete existential crisis. There is excellent football to be viewed this fall.
You just have to know where to look.
32
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Look, you can watch Baker Mayfield OR Kyle Trask if you want. This team is an unmitigated dumpster fire until Caleb Williams or Drake Maye wear the creamsicle uniforms.
31
Cleveland Browns
Watching Deshaun Watson — who once had more than 20 accusations of sexual misconduct in what the NFL would later deem “predatory behavior” — try to stat pad with empty box scores on a top-heavy Browns squad?
No thanks.
30
Arizona Cardinals
Rondale Moore is the team’s No. 2 receiver, Kyler Murray is coming off a torn ACL, and Budda Baker is the only “name” on a no-name defense. Stay away for your own good.
29
Tennessee Titans
DeAndre Hopkins, at 31 years old, isn’t making this try-hard team built on “do your job” principles any more entertaining.
28
Las Vegas Raiders
If you’re a Davante Adams fantasy manager or a lover of Josh McDaniels schadenfreude, the Raiders might be an underrated choice. These sentiments do not apply to everyone, though. (Well, maybe the McDaniels part.)
27
New England Patriots
I am not afraid to say Bill Belichick has lost his fastball everywhere but at the microphone. This Mac Jones-led team is going to allow 15 points a game on defense and struggle to score the same amount on offense.
26
Denver Broncos
Sean Payton isn’t going to “fix” Russell Wilson. Quarterbacks in their mid-30s who play that poorly don’t just turn it around. Avoid these overhyped Broncos (again) like hot lava.
25
Houston Texans
DeMeco Ryans! C.J. Stroud! Will Anderson! The Texans have quite a leadership nucleus and should be a delight … in 2024.
24
Los Angeles Rams
Matthew Stafford is 35 and coming off serious back injuries, and Aaron Donald is on a defensive island. You can safely ignore the Rams this year. I promise.
23
New Orleans Saints
I’ve watched enough of Derek Carr checking down to running backs instead of taking shots downfield over the years to know the Saints are already an exercise in mediocrity. Dennis Allen’s defense will be on fumes by November.
22
Carolina Panthers
In due time, Bryce Young’s Panthers might become an NFC powerhouse. There are going to be A LOT of growing pains before that happens.
21
Green Bay Packers
The Packers, with Aaron Rodgers’ successor in his first full year as a starter, project to be an elite defensive team that struggles to score points. I cannot imagine anyone will want to keep tabs on them outside of Green Bay.
20
Washington Commanders
I’m a pass-rush nerd, so seeing Daron Payne, Jonathan Allen, and Montez Sweat destroy planets again will be fantastic. But I can’t stomach seeing more passes sail over Terry McLaurin’s head. It’s too much.
19
Indianapolis Colts
If not for Jim Irsay’s foolishness, Jonathan Taylor is in Colts training camp right now, and the Colts would’ve felt like a sneaky AFC playoff pick. Instead, Anthony Richardson doesn’t have his main security blanket, and this team will struggle.
18
New York Giants
Glances at the Giants’ wide receiver depth chart.
Glances at the quarterback.
Tugs collar.
They played a year ahead of schedule last season. It’s due for a major regression in 2023.
17
Minnesota Vikings
I’m a BIG fan of watching Justin Jefferson humiliate cornerbacks, and Jordan Addison might be his perfect partner. There is little else intriguing about the defending NFC North champions.
16
Pittsburgh Steelers
Mike Tomlin will keep his non-losing season streak alive, but good golly, it will not be pretty at times. Kenny Pickett and an overrated offensive skill group will ensure it.
15
Chicago Bears
A year after almost breaking the NFL’s single-season rushing record out of sheer survival, Justin Fields gets D.J. Moore to throw to and an improved defense that can get him the ball back. Watch this space.
14
Los Angeles Chargers
I will believe the Chargers will unleash Justin Herbert’s giant arm with regularity when I see it. The handsomely-rich Herbert makes them appointment viewing, but how they utilize him is still so frustrating.
13
Seattle Seahawks
Geno Smith’s gotta prove 2022 wasn’t a fluke. Slot weapon Jaxon Smith-Njigba should help a ton in that regard. Pete Carroll rebuilds (retools?) do not miss.
12
Atlanta Falcons
The Falcons’ offensive depth chart features three former top-10 picks (Kyle Pitts, Drake London, and Bijan Robinson), the ultimate Swiss Army Knife in Cordarrelle Patterson, and a 1,000-yard rusher in Tyler Allgeier. I cannot wait to see Arthur Smith’s creativity in full force.
11
San Francisco 49ers
They still don’t have a real quarterback, which is why they’re so “low” on this list, but the remaining football product is enough to keep any reasonable person hooked. San Francisco might have the best overall roster in the sport … sans quarterback.
10
Jacksonville Jaguars
High-tech urinals aside, the young defending AFC South champions added Calvin Ridley for face-of-the-franchise Trevor Lawrence. They’re a year older and will probably be a lot wiser.
9
Buffalo Bills
Dalton Kincaid is the talk of the Bills’ training camp. That’s cool. The list of rookie tight ends who play like superstars is extremely short. I can’t bear to watch another year of The Terminator in the No. 17 jersey playing superhero for a team that can’t build around him properly.
8
Miami Dolphins
As long as the Dolphins have Mike McDaniel designing plays for Tyreek Hill and Jaylen Waddle, they are an instant “remote dropper.”
7
New York Jets
I don’t know if Aaron Rodgers will be what the Jets are hoping for, but I do know I’m excited to follow all the inevitable drama of this Gang Green circus.
6
Baltimore Ravens
I’ll never quit Lamar Jackson, especially not after they gave him Zay Flowers, Odell Beckham Jr., and a legit offensive coordinator in Todd Monken. This team is capable of an AFC title game run.
5
Detroit Lions
The Lions have it all. A powerful offensive line that lets them run any play in the playbook to maximum effect. A swaggering defense led by Aidan Hutchinson, now buoyed by playmakers like C.J. Gardner-Johnson. And Dan Campbell, one of the NFL’s funniest coaches.
4
Kansas City Chiefs
I’m aware this selection could be blasphemous, but there are more intriguing watches than Patrick Mahomes carrying Kansas City to another 13-win campaign.
3
Philadelphia Eagles
Jalen Hurts’ phone lock screen features him walking off the field after losing Super Bowl 57. Get in this man’s way at your own risk. We’ve got a budding MVP resume in the works.
2
Cincinnati Bengals
Let’s see here.
A top-five quarterback? Check? An incredible 1-2-3 punch at receiver? Check. An offensive line with the elite Orlando Brown Jr. in the fold? Check. An underrated and trash-talking defense continuing to get under opponents’ skin? Check.
I will watch ANY game the Bengals play in 2023.
1
Dallas Cowboys
Was there any real doubt? It’s one thing to point and laugh at the Cowboys after they inevitably step on a rake and hurt themselves. That’s too easy. It’s another when there are justifiably high expectations in Dallas. The new-look Cowboys (with Stephon Gilmore and Brandin Cooks) either finally break through, or Mike McCarthy bumbles and stumbles away another promising year. There’s no in-between.
Both outcomes are quite amusing for very different reasons.
