College football bowl season means the annual tradition of dumping things other than water or Gatorade on winning head coaches is back. And we here at For The Win love ridiculous (and sometimes gross) celebratory baths.
What once started as a victorious Gatorade bath for the winning team’s coach has evolved into something so much more during bowl season. Sometimes, the contents of those giant jugs don’t even remotely resemble Gatorade and are instead tied to the games’ sponsors, making the post-game scenes even better with coaches covered in snacks or beverages or condiments.
So as the 2023-24 college football bowl season kicks off, we’ve ranked the 13 best things that should go in the coolers for players to dump on their coaches. These are purely edible suggestions, as fun as it would be to see the winning coach from the Myrtle Beach Bowl get a cooler full of sand dumped on him. The ranking and items suggested are based on the bowl’s sponsors, the bowl name itself and other random things.
Bowl organizers: Please feel free to take every single one of these proposals.
13
Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl: No. 19 Oregon State vs. No. 16 Notre Dame
Frosted Flakes bath: We’ve seen this one before, and it’s a quirky alternative to a beverage of some kind. And while we welcome unconventional celebratory baths – along with the ridiculousness of the sponsored bowl name — watching someone get a few boxes of cereal poured over their head isn’t as thrilling as you’d think. Plus, the fact that it’s kind of hard to tell on TV what exactly it is kind of distracts from what should be an amazing moment (even if the on-field photos are awesome).
HE NEEDS SOME MILK 🗣️🥛
Central Michigan's coach got a Frosted Flakes bath.
(via @MACSports)pic.twitter.com/VDh31U8Vg7
— Yahoo Sports (@YahooSports) December 31, 2021
12
Scooter's Coffee Frisco Bowl: UTSA vs. Marshall
Coffee bath: Iced is probably best — or at least better than hot. But I’m not sure how interesting of a celebratory moment this would be. The Frisco Bowl should find out.
11
Orange Bowl: No. 6 Georgia vs. No. 5 Florida State
Orange juice bath: This seems like an oh-so-obvious one that makes you wonder why on Earth teams haven’t been pouring gallons of orange juice over their coaches’ heads this whole time. Kirby Smart or Mike Norvell covered in OJ while doing post-game interviews? While probably still being mad about not making the College Football Playoff? Come on, that’d probably be good TV.
10
Peach Bowl: No. 11 Ole Miss vs. No. 10 Penn State
Peach bath: Now, whole peaches or even peach slices might hurt a little bit, and we’re not trying to suggest intentionally injuring anyone. So that’s why we’re going with the canned variety. Canned peaches are soft and slimy and would pair perfectly atop the head of a winning football coach.
9
Cheez-It Citrus Bowl: No. 17 Iowa vs. No. 21 Tennessee
Lemon (or another kind of citrus) juice bath + Cheez-Its: If the Orange Bowl gets orange juice, shouldn’t the Citrus Bowl winners celebrate with some kind of citrus juice? Lemon or lime juice are obvious options here, but they could also go with something more fun like tangerine, yuzu or grapefruit. But then what about the Cheez-Its? Citrus-flavored Cheez-Its? Cheez-Its splashed with lime juice? Soggy Cheez-Its marinated in lemon juice? Maybe now that the Cheez-It Bowl is no more (RIP), it’s just Cheez-Its?
A CHEEZ-IT BATH FOR DABO 🧀 pic.twitter.com/Ei7nGt7AJo
— ESPN (@espn) December 30, 2021
8
College Football Playoff semifinal, Sugar Bowl: No. 3 Texas vs. No. 2 Washington
Sugar bath: There are so many options for fun here that it’s incredible a sugar bath hasn’t become a thing yet. You could go with granulated sugar, brown sugar, sanding sugar, powdered sugar and so much more. Or you could do something made of sugar, like sprinkles.
And, should Texas win, a powdered sugar-covered Steve Sarkisian would almost certainly provide the internet with its latest great meme.
7
Famous Idaho Potato Bowl: Georgia State vs. Utah State
French fry bath: Spuds abundant! We’ve seen this one before too, and it’s fantastic — subsequent unsportsmanlike penalties aside. The fries go everywhere, players can grab a quick snack off a coach’s back and, let’s be honest, the product placement here works. You’ll want your own fries too.
FRENCH FRY BATH 🍟 @IDPotatoBowl | @wyo_football pic.twitter.com/uL7oBGFQqK
— ESPN (@espn) December 22, 2021
6
Cricket Celebration Bowl: Howard vs. Florida A&M
Edible cricket bath: First off, some crickets are edible and “are among the praised insects that are gaining recognition as human food and livestock feed with a potential of contributing to food security and reduction of malnutrition”, according to the NIH and the National Library of Medicine.
That being said, having a Gatorade jug’s worth of crickets dumped on a winning coach’s head would probably be wildly entertaining for everyone watching except that coach.
5
Wasabi Fenway Bowl: No. 24 SMU vs. Boston College
Wasabi bath: OK, so, this might not work, and players might need giant spoons to get it out, but how can you have a bowl game with wasabi in the name and not offer up a wasabi bath?! (Yes, the sponsor is actually Wasabi Technologies, which, to the best of my knowledge, doesn’t actually have anything to do with the plant or condiment, but who cares?) Try a celebratory wasabi bath at least once. It’ll probably be worth it, either for the hilarity of watching players try to get it out of a giant jug or for the plop of it on top of a coach’s head.
4
Pop-Tarts Bowl: No. 18 NC State vs. No. 25 Kansas State
Pop-Tart bath: Obviously! Give the people what they want and shower the head coach with Pop-Tarts while the edible Pop-Tart mascot cheers/watches in horror while its relatives fall to pieces. RIP Cheez-It Bowl, though.
3
Avocados From Mexico Cure Bowl: Miami (Ohio) vs. Appalachian State
Guacamole bath: Seriously, this could be amazing — though a waste of perfectly good avocados. And while several other ingredients go into making guacamole, we can’t exactly suggest dumping a ton of whole avocados on anyone. So a guacamole bath sounds like the next-best option. Has anyone thought of this yet?
2
Famous Toastery Bowl: Western Kentucky vs. Old Dominion
Hollandaise bath: Seemingly temporarily, the Famous Toastery Bowl has replaced the Bahamas Bowl. Because of renovations to the Thomas A. Robinson Stadium in Nassau, the bowl this year is at Jerry Richardson Stadium in Charlotte. But it’s expected to return to the Bahamas in 2024, per the Charlotte 49ers.
So, the Famous Toastery Bowl! The sponsor is a chain restaurant mostly in the Carolinas, and with an abundance of Benedict items on the menu, why not use this as an opportunity to dump whisked eggs yolks and butter on a head coach?
1
Duke's Mayo Bowl: North Carolina vs. West Virginia
MAYO BATH: A ginormous vat of mayonnaise. Seriously, what more could you possibly want than to see the winning coach of the Duke’s Mayo Bowl — either or — covered in mayo? After college football fans’ souls were crushed a few years ago when the bowl did not actually offer a mayo bath, the bowl rectified that two seasons ago. And South Carolina’s Shane Beamer and Mike Locksley have been terrific sports about getting doused with mayo. The moment is always great, the photos are always fantastic and the whole thing is wonderfully gross.
