Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.
C4 began life as a pre-workout drink mix. In the years since, it’s made the logical jump to energy drinks in general.
A quick rise hasn’t quite put the Cellucor brand on equal footing with Red Bull or Monster or Rockstar, but it’s been viable enough to be a staple in grocery stores across the country. A big part of that growth has been thanks to the co-branding that allows C4 to drop candy flavors — Starburst and Skittles — into pounder cans with familiar, beloved flavors and 200 milligrams of caffeine.
There’s more to C4 than just Halloween memories. So we’re gonna run down each flavor and see which reigns supreme.
I’ll have a separate scale for C4’s Smart Energy, since that’s a different brand and, notably, it doesn’t contain the tingle juice that makes the original a pre-workout staple. These are the 11 flavors of performance energy-branded drinks I can find at my local store, everything in the official C4 lineup but Strawberry Watermelon Ice. Here’s how they rated out.
11
Starburst Lemon: C
We can debate whether lemon or orange is the worst traditional Starburst flavor. What’s unassailable is the fact each of these co-branded C4 flavors smells exactly like someone loudly smacking away on a Starburst inches from your face.
That thick sweetness doesn’t carry through to the taste, however. It’s a little astringent and one-note … and that note is sorta wood polish/floor cleaner/generic lemon. The inherent acidity of the energy drink works against the lemon flavor here, making it too sour without enough Starburst sweetness. There’s also something … leafy? Earthy? Peel-y? That’s unignorable and kinda ruins the whole thing.
It’s not undrinkable, but like actual lemon Starburst it lags behind its peers.
10
Skittles: C
So … all the Skittles at once? A quick sip suggests, yep, that’s it. It’s just sort of a mash of sugar and citric acid. It’s a little richer than your typical citrus energy drink.
But it’s not as interesting or true to form as you might want. Why not purple or lime Skittles instead?
9
Cherry Limeade: B-
This is a classic energy drink flavor that’s seeping into the world of hard seltzer thanks in large part to Sonic’s foray into the field. C4’s version smells like a melted bomb pop and tastes roughly the same.
There’s very little acidic sour here, and the cherry is sweet and overpowering. That’s a bit disappointing, but it’s still fun to drink, depending on your tolerance for sugar substitute.
8
Orange Slice: B
It’s got a definite orange soda vibe to it, making this the preferred energy drink of old Kenan & Kel episodes. It doesn’t quite live up to the Starburst version of the same flavor, but it’s fine. A pretty standard orange energy drink. No complaints.
7
Starburst Strawberry: B
It is, like the rest of the Starburst cohort, equal parts effervescent and syrupy. It delivers everything promised on the can, and while it’s not the best of the branded candy line, it’s still good enough.
6
Grape Frost: B
There just isn’t enough simple grape soda in the world anymore. The purple label intimates that this is gonna be a throwback to the old days of Shasta and, yep, it gets there. There’s nothing authentic about this grape; it’s sweet and sugary and artificial and extremely … purple. Well done.
5
Mango Foxtrot: B+
The carbonation is crisp and each sip finishes dry, making it easy to keep coming back to for more. There’s probably a risk involved there if you’re putting down 200 milligrams of caffeine in 15 minutes, but you understood what you were signing up for when you picked a drink named after a plastic explosive.
4
Arctic Snow Cone: B+
That flavor name? That’s nonsense. Northern condensation is not a specific taste. It’s water.
The actual beverage is low-key grape and maybe a little cherry or other citrus. It’s got a little Kool-Aid flavor to it, which cuts through the sugary-sweet base with a little cool water. The citrus adds just enough sourness to keep it from being cloying.
3
Frozen Bombsicle: A-
This is the first flavor of C4 I’d ever had. It’s an easy sell; who doesn’t like Bomb Pops, even if they can’t use the trademarked name of those red, white and blue popsicles?
Anyway, it’s sweet and sour which is the perfect backdrop amidst a perpetually acidic landscape of energy drinks. It’s tart and hits with a crisp fizz despite being a little thicker and more syrup-y compared to a Monster or Rockstar. It’s really got the carbonated, melted popsicle idea down pat. Big fan.
2
Starburst Cherry: A-
This, right away, fills the room with sugary candy smells the moment you crack it. It’s unmistakably Starburst; the scent is almost chewy. It’s delightful.
The taste itself maintains that familiar syrupy thickness, even though the drink itself is thin and bubbly. C4 has the Starburst flavor profile pretty much down pat, and while the citric acid feeling endemic to the style remains present, it works in concert as a slightly sour, then Halloween-sweet, drink. The aftertaste is pure Starburst, with the added benefit of not making your saliva molasses-thick.
1
Starburst Orange: A
The other contender for worst Starburst flavor (I said it.) shares the unmistakable sugary sweet smell of its brethren. But the first sip gives way to an orange that’s richer and crisper than its candy inspiration. The orange mixes with C4’s built-in sourness to create a surprisingly delightful mix of flavors, like an orange Sprite — except with the heavy carbonation, it’s more like an orange Sprite you’d get at McDonald’s.
I didn’t have high hopes for this, but it’s won me over. Orange Starburst typically linger in my Halloween bowl until December. Orange Starburst C4 is getting plucked from my fridge whenever possible.
