It’s what we all want: the as-it-stands table changing all the time on the final day. The title and relegation going right down to the wire. Cross to Soccer Saturday (on a Sunday, forgive the marginally out-of-date casting).
“We’re off to the court of arbitration for sport, there’s been a points deduction but who for, Chris Kamara?” “I don’t know Jeff, has there? I must have missed that” … “Chris, have you not been watching?” “I haven’t” … Kammy picks up. “No, you’re right, I saw Evangelos Marinakis clench his fists at the judge, but I thought he’d won his appeal.”
It’s a tough decision for Sky – send Peter Drury to Anfield for the visit of Wolves or to Premier League HQ for Manchester City’s 115 charges? “Harper Lee said that the one place where a man ought to get a square deal is in a courtroom,” begins this Drury Soliloquy, “but the question on this most super of Super Sundays, is CAN YOU HANDLE THE TRUTH?”
And so to the teams – Erling Haaland leads the line for City at home to West Ham while Lord Pannick spearheads their attack in court – cut to a split screen of the two men marching purposely to camera, full Nordic hair on one side, full barrister wig on the other, before folding their arms and smiling in unison. “So Graeme Souness, who will be panicking later?” asks Dave Jones … “Just some breaking news: Sky Sports understands that kick-off in the court case has been delayed for another 25 years. More as we get it.”
Gary Lineker posts a video of the Match of the Day green room. Ian Wright, in some big trousers and a fetching hat, is glued to Arsenal v Everton. The Gunners need to win, while Everton need to grind out a point and hope closing arguments go their way in the appeal against the second points deduction they got at the end of March* (*this is idle speculation – this article is not part of any corrupt agenda).
To Sky Sports News: Alan Irwin, right index finger to his ear, head arched to his right trying to hear what Julian Warren is asking, is outside Premier League HQ, drowning in purple dildos. Back to the studio and Lee Hendrie is watching proceedings and explaining PSR case law to Clinton Morrison.
At the end of it all, Nottingham Forest, Everton and Luton are relegated, while Nottingham Forest, Everton and Luton all survive – pending appeals that will be heard during the boring games in the group stages of the Euros.
This is – after all – why we all fell in love with the game. So Forest find themselves in the relegation zone after being deducted four points this week, while Everton should find out in the next three weeks whether they’ll get a further deduction in addition to the six points already docked.
Forest overspent by £34.5m, but were very nice about it, hence four points. Everton overspent by £19.5m, but they were a bit annoying, hence six points. Although Forest’s overspend is bigger, they actually didn’t lose as much as Everton – but their limits were lower because they’d only just popped in from the EFL.
It’s no surprise that fans are confused and generally furious about it all. Where to point that fury is a different matter. As Barney Ronay pointed out this week, the owners knew the rules, signed up to them, and then in Forest’s case, knowingly broke them and explained to the Premier League that they were breaking them while they were breaking them.
Forest argued: “It would make it extremely difficult, if not impossible, for newly promoted clubs without parachute payments to compete, thus undermining the integrity and competitiveness of the Premier League.” And yet Brighton and Brentford among others have managed it.
There are some legitimate questions, though, about the profitability and sustainability rules. Surely it would be sensible to coincide with the transfer window. The whole Forest case rests on when “Player A” was sold to Spurs (I cannot for the life of me find out who that was, but I’ve whittled it down to Teddy Sheringham or Andy Reid). Had they sold him two months earlier – no deduction. There is sense in trying to get the most money for a player.
Would it be possible to get all points deductions done in the close season? If everyone signs up to it and knows if they err this season they get done in the summer, would that avoid legal action from clubs who are relegated/miss out on Europe because the points weren’t deducted at the earliest opportunity?
The answer to that is probably not. The football family, like most other families, gets a bit trickier when money is involved, and then at every level self-interest kicks in – which is probably what fans want. And clubs have a responsibility to their employees. People lose their jobs when a team are relegated to the Championship.
There is a question about whether PSR or FFP is a genuine means to sustain clubs’ futures or just there to preserve the status quo. Your view on that probably depends on who you support, and how much money they have, but there needs to be something to stop clubs gambling and putting their future at risk. And if your view is that you need rules, then you can’t really criticise the Premier League or the EFL for trying to impose them. It is probably more complicated than we think, and it is in lawyers’ interests to take their time over these things.
Which brings us on to the regulator. It feels vitally important, especially judging by the people who are criticising it. And yet we won’t know how much power it has until it’s up and running. And who will sit on it? Two ex-pros and a former ref? Steve Dale? Sheikh Mansour? Nasser al-Khelaifi normally ends up on these things. We have to hope that it has the power to regulate – because if you ask Reading, Torquay or Rochdale fans, this is about existing, not about whether you have to click past the Premier League to see your league position.
