Last night, Prince Harry arrived in London to appear at the annual WellChild awards ceremony, held at the Royal Lancaster Hotel in Paddington, West London. And in September, he was in New York on behalf of his not-for-profit organisation Travalyst to make the important announcement that “a plan to centralise the collection and distribution of sustainability data for key aspects of travel and tourism will help travellers make informed decisions about how and where they travel.” Unfortunately this salad of meaningless jargon failed to cut through, because everyone in attendance was too busy looking at the state of Harry’s hair.
Although it has been thinning for some time now, these recent events represented the first time that Prince Harry’s hair officially gave up the ghost. He still technically has a haircut, albeit one you can now completely see through. The top half of his hair is now a completely different colour to the bottom, largely because of how relentlessly visible his scalp is now. It’s less hair than a floating ginger halo, or what doctors would see if they chose to X-ray the very very top of his head. I won’t be the first person to make this suggestion to him, but good lord I hope he shaves it all off soon.
This is the death spiral. Very soon, he will be faced with the stark reality that he will look much better with a shaved head
I speak from experience here. Like Harry, I too chose to cling on to my desperately thinning hair until the bitter end. As it retreated, I too had a two-tone haircut. I too grew fearful of the overhead lights that would only illuminate my efforts to conceal how painfully balding I was. And, although this is supposition on my part, I too secretly thought that one day I’d wake up to find that my hair had magically grown back.
Clearly, it didn’t. And nor will Harry’s. This is it for him now. This is the death spiral. Very soon, he will be faced with the stark reality that he will look much better with a shaved head.
Admitting this will take guts. Even if your hair is retreating fast, at least you can kid yourself that you still have some hair. Shaving it off is a stark admission that you don’t. Your genes have won and your destiny is baldness. And, if he’s anything like me, Harry will be petrified that the first thing anyone thinks when they see him will be “Oh, bald.” It was bad enough for me to announce myself as bald, and the only people who pay attention to me are my immediate family and a small clutch of spammy Instagram sexbots. For Harry, though, who has the full glare of the world press on him at all times, the insecurity must be enormous.
However, I’m here to tell him that there’s nothing to worry about. Sure, going out for the first time without any hair will make you feel self-conscious and vulnerable, but people get used to it fast. I’ve been bald for three years now and, although it took some getting used to, I no longer give it a second thought. Bald acceptance is extremely liberating. I honestly can’t recommend it enough.
Harry doesn’t even have to worry as much about baldness as his brother. Prince William very clearly struggles with the balance between his role as future monarch and how he’d like to look. Occasionally he’ll try augmenting his baldness by shaving his sides down to the skin or experimenting with facial hair, only to eventually revert back to his signature look because nobody wants a king who looks like he could hurl a chair through a Wetherspoons window.
But Harry isn’t part of the royal family any more. He has no expectations to live up to, no formal look to maintain. He could lop the whole lot off tomorrow without a single consequence. He could even tattoo ‘I Heart Montecito’ across the top of his scalp and people would become accustomed to it in a matter of days.
Harry, now is the time. Aren’t you sick of having your elaborate hair illusion ruined by a sudden gust of wind? Don’t you want to be able to take a jumper off in public without exposing the acres of scalp you’ve been trying to hide? Wouldn’t you like to go swimming without having to embark upon a painstaking reassembly job afterwards? Harry, your future is baldness. Join me in embracing it. The whole bald brotherhood is here for you.
