Toxic relationships are never good for anyone involved. However, these red flags are not always noticed on time, and even when they are, there is a decent chance they might also get ignored, which eventually creates some tricky situations.
One Redditor recently shared about one of these situations. His wife, who was pregnant with their daughter at the time, was very irritable, insecure, and easily angered. But for all her terrible treatment, the overworked husband was still pulling through, up until she decided to test his loyalty, too. Scroll down to read the full story!
More info: Reddit
Carrying a child might be a very challenging task, but even this doesn’t excuse being verbally and emotionally abusive to your spouse
Image credits: SHVETS production (not the actual photo)
A man spent most of his time to provide for his pregnant wife and their future daughter, but the woman rarely found anything positive in this
Image credits: Amina Filkins (not the actual photo)
The man kept enduring his wife’s constant anger and insults, but he lost it when she decided to ‘test’ his loyalty by sending a friend to hit on him at the gym
Image credits: stupidtest
When the husband came home and was told about the ‘test,’ he got mad and started to consider asking his wife to move out despite her hugs and apologies
The OP began by sharing that when he and his wife found out they were expecting a child, they were very happy and excited about it. However, it didn’t take long for things to start rolling downhill.
The woman often got angry and irritated over the smallest things and never hesitated to insult her husband. For example, she would often ask for certain meals, eat everything, and then tell her husband that it tasted absolutely horrible.
This repeated behavior continued for quite a while, but the man avoided arguing about it, as he was often exhausted from working over 80 hours a week. However, when his wife’s best friend convinced her to test his loyalty by sending another friend to hit on him at the gym, the man lost it.
When he returned home after rejecting that friend, the pregnant woman came over with hugs and apologies, telling him that he had passed the test. But the OP was mad, and he started to consider asking her to move out.
The commenters had mixed feelings about the matter. While most agreed that the poster’s situation was terrible and he was right to want to get out of it, many felt that making a pregnant woman move out just like that would be kind of a jerk move. However, some were also quick to write down the wife’s behavior due to pregnancy hormones and attempted to justify her actions.
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
Among the advice given to the OP by the commenters, there were many suggestions to try therapy. While we have no idea if the couple attempted this type of method themselves, we decided to take that advice in our own way, so Bored Panda reached out to therapeutic life coach Nick Hatter, who was glad to consult us about this situation.
We began by asking the expert just how much of the OP’s wife’s behavior can be excused as a hormonal imbalance caused by pregnancy. To this, Nick replied by saying that while these hormonal changes affect emotions and mood, verbal and emotional abuse goes way beyond the line of what’s normal in such a situation.
“She sounds resentful, unappreciative, and potentially narcissistic. And if he thinks she is bad now, wait until she is also sleep-deprived from waking up in the night because of the baby,” continued the therapeutic life coach, adding that the wife’s behavior is likely to only get worse, and since abused husbands are rarely taken seriously, as per an experiment published by BBC, it may be wise to end things sooner rather than later, as it may be a better option for both the OP and his child.
Nick went further, questioning whether the author had been treated this way from the start, saying that in cases of low self-esteem, people often ignore or even are unaware of the red flags because they are desperate for love and affection. “‘Being tested’ like that is, in itself, a massive breach of trust… She sounds very insecure, and it makes me wonder whether she has cheated or had an affair herself; is she projecting her own thoughts and behaviors onto him?”
Image credits: Vlada Karpovich (not the actual photo)
But before making any harsh decisions, the expert suggested that the man vocalize his feelings to his wife and ask himself, “Is this relationship in a hospice or hospital?”
“If it’s the former, then a swift and clean divorce should take place with as little collateral damage as possible. If it’s the latter, then couples counseling or coaching might be worth a shot. Sadly, as a professional coach myself, I am doubtful that much can be done for their relationship.”
The expert proposed that if the OP chose to go for divorce, he should start by lawyering up, as the wife might not let go of the relationship so easily. And for when he’s ready to get back out there, Nick left an open invitation to his free live training sessions on dating and overcoming anxiety surrounding it, which might just help the author or anyone else in need find a great partner and avoid falling into a similar situation.
To summarize this, a great quote by American author and screenwriter Stephen Chbosky comes to mind: “We accept the love we think we deserve.” Nowadays, most people have the freedom to choose who they want to spend their lives with. And if they find themselves in a toxic relationship like the one OP was in, you can either accept and live with it or make a choice to turn it all around. But whatever you do, it’s all in your hands.
What did you think about this story? Have you ever dealt with anything similar? Tell us all about it in the comments below!
The commenters had mixed opinions, with some supporting the husband and others defending the wife while writing off her behavior as pregnancy hormones
