Try as you might you just cannot escape the forthcoming election with all those posters dangling from lampposts and the few remaining trees. The posters have been there for several months now and some are beginning to look a little the worse for wear, especially after this week's welcome rain in Bangkok. There is possibly nothing less appealing than a soggy political poster... apart from a soggy politician.
The posters are much the same as in previous elections with nothing out of the ordinary. There are plenty of the usual cheesy grins on display, some of which wouldn't look out of place on a toothpaste advertisement. Some candidates display earnest expressions which look like they have just experienced personal spiritual enlightenment… or perhaps they have just won the lottery.
One surprise is that in very few posters are the candidates wearing spectacles. This seems a little curious as spectacles tend to make people look more intelligent than they actually are. Or maybe the candidates want to present themselves as people with a clear vision of the future and having dodgy eyesight doesn't quite fit the image.
Thankfully they finally seem to have dumped those awful "graduation day" posters we used to be subjected to with candidates donning mortar boards and looking 30 years younger than they actually were. We have also been spared those embarrassing posters of military gentlemen weighed down by medals.
The axeman cometh
A memorable political poster appeared in the 2004 Bangkok governor election when one candidate was shown wielding an axe in a symbolic gesture to destroy corruption. It was a real eye-catcher but the voters preferred someone with a cheesy grin. Well, that's what happens in a democracy… a grin can beat an axe.
In a 2011 election poster the same candidate posed with his bull terrier which he said was honest and trustworthy in contrast to most politicians. Nobody argued with him about that. There's an old dictum, "democracy is the right to make the wrong choice," and one suspects, as in most countries that there are plenty of wrong choices available out there… and hopefully a few good ones.
Barking for democracy
A reader in Isan complains that in recent weeks he has been woken every morning, not by the customary roosters greeting the dawn, but by election candidates aboard their vans and trucks blasting their joyful messages using huge loudspeakers.
It happens in Bangkok too. Our normally relatively peaceful abode was disrupted earlier this week when one campaign truck made the mistake of venturing down our little soi and through giant speakers the candidate announced all our problems would be solved… if we vote for him. He was accompanied by some very loud but jolly-sounding music.
The only significant response he received was a crescendo of barking from the neighbourhood canine community who clearly were unconvinced by his policies. A couple of curious maids also briefly emerged but quickly retreated when it became evident there would be no purple notes forthcoming. Considering the combined racket from the loudspeakers and the dogs it would have been interesting to learn the candidate's stance on noise pollution.
Sounds of the sois
There was a time when the noises you heard on the back sois were actually quite a pleasant experience. In the 1970s vendors plying the lanes on bicycles, push-carts or simply walking would provide a variety of sounds to attract customers. There were the pleasant tinkling bells from the ice-cream man or the wood clacking from a noodle vendor, sometimes accompanied by a polite squeak from the cart's klaxon.
Some vendors simply used their voice to provide an advance warning of what tasty food was making its way down the soi. There was a noodle vendor with a splendid baritone voice and he would bellow out "Kuey teoow!" in a manner that would not have sounded out of place in an opera.
Fruitless protest
For many years now we have been subjected to vendors using pick-up trucks and their dreaded loudspeakers.
A long time ago when my late maid Ms Yasothon was still in charge of things, I recall having been woken up at an uncivilised hour by speakers from a van selling that unpronounceable fruit ngor otherwise known as rambutan.
I had stormed out to the gate to remonstrate with the vendor about the racket he was making, only to find Ms Yasothon had beaten me to it and had already bought two bagfuls of ngor from the grinning vendor, rendering my protest utterly redundant.
'Farewell possums'
It was sad to learn of the passing of the larger-than-life Australian comedian Barrie Humphries, aged 89, a unique talent who brought us the wonderful characters of Dame Edna Everage, Sir Les Patterson and Barry McKenzie among others.
You did not have to be an Aussie to appreciate his wit and social comment.
His most popular character was Dame Edna the housewife from Moonie Ponds with lilac-rinsed hair and a friendly greeting of "hello possums!"
Among Dame Edna's words of wisdom I can never forget her cautionary "You must never judge Australia by the Australians."
Humphries eventually settled down in England where his shows were well received. He once commented "To live permanently in Australia is rather like going to a party and dancing all night with one's mother."
Contact PostScript via email at oldcrutch@hotmail.com
