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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Sport
Daniel Harris

Portugal 2-0 Uruguay: World Cup 2022 – as it happened

Bruno Fernandes celebrates his second goal.
Bruno Fernandes celebrates his second goal. Photograph: Jose Breton/NurPhoto/Shutterstock

Which means this is us. Thanks all for your company and comments – sorry I couldn’t use them all – and enjoy the rest of whatever day it is wherever you are. Peace out.

Anyroad up, here’s Andy Hunter’s match report.

“Just emailing re the handball incident,” says Ben Blatch-Hanlon. “Curious as to how you can say the ball touching the hand of the Uruguay defender following the attempted tackle was ‘not a consequence of, or justifiable by, the player’s body movement for that specific situation’. I’m not sure what else players are supposed to do with their hands when going to ground!”

Morally speaking, I’d say that’s their problem; legally speaking, I’d say his hand didn’t need to break his fall given he was low to begin with. But again, I don’t think there’s a tidy answer here, and I can see both sides.

What a mensch!

Cole also reckons a draw was a fair result, but I can’t agree with that; Uruguay missed their chances, and that’s not a freak occurrence, it’s poor finishing.

“Is it ok if I agree with your cold-eyed assessment of the penalty but also enjoy Joe Cole and Souness laying into it?” asks Stephen Lyon.

Definitely. I can see both sides as I said, but I’m leaning towards penalty, having originally leant no penalty.

I guess he’s got to say this, but I can think of at least 11.

The handball law:

“It is an offence if a player:

  • deliberately touches the ball with their hand/arm, for example moving the hand/arm towards the ball

  • touches the ball with their hand/arm when it has made their body unnaturally bigger. A player is considered to have made their body unnaturally bigger when the position of their hand/arm is not a consequence of, or justifiable by, the player’s body movement for that specific situation. By having their hand/arm in such a position, the player takes a risk of their hand/arm being hit by the ball and being penalised

  • scores in the opponents’ goal:

    • directly from their hand/arm, even if accidental, including by the goalkeeper

    • immediately after the ball has touched their hand/arm, even if accidental”.

I guess it’s that second bullet, that’s open to interpretation, but the more I think about it, the more I think it should be a penalty. Why should the defender be rewarded for being done? Where he puts his arm is his problem, not Fernandes’.

Updated

“Answer to Fran Collins and others,” emails Christian B. “What should he do? Stand on his feet ... plain and simple.”

I see both sides of this. It was accidental and his back was to the ball … but why should an attacker be denied a one-on-one because he violated a defender into falling over?

“Korea have priors when it comes to beating Portugal,” reminds John O’Connor – in the 2002 World Cup we discussed earlier. I’d be surprised, but you never know.

Full-time: Portugal 2-0 Uruguay

Portugal are through to the last 16 while Uruguay must beat Ghana and hope South Korea don’t beat Portugal; if they do, it’ll go to goal difference.

Updated

90+9 min The corner goes short and comes to nowt, Bruno trying to knock it off Varela for another, then Portugal win the ball back, attack again, and find Bruno 20 yards out. Hat-trick hunting, he shifts it a yard, drills low and hard … and into the base of the near post! I’ll not post my betting slip, but there were nauseated squeals round my way.

90+8 min Portugal keep at it, Guerreiro raiding down the left and looping a cross to the back post, where Bruno times a volley seeking space inside the near post and Rochet does well to block behind.

90+7 min “At least two Portugal players were clearly inside the D when that penalty was kicked,” says Simon Woolley. “Where is VAR?”

Yeah, it seems to be relatively unbothered about enforcing that law.

90+5 min “Don’t care what ‘the letter of the law’ says, “ barks Fran Collins, “that was a ridiculous penalty. What was he supposed to do, hover?”

Maybe the rationale is that it was an accident, but it’s not fair for it to deprive the attacker of the ball when the defender was so completely diddled, so therefore fairer to give a penalty than not. I dunno, that’s the best I’ve got.

There will be, by the way, nine added minutes. Can Bruno nab himself a hat-trick? Can Uruguay force themselves back into things?

GOAL! Portugal 2-0 Uruguay (Fernandes pen 90+3)

An amble to the ball, a little hop-skip, and Rochet goes right so Bruno rolls left.

Bruno Fernandes scores.
Bruno Fernandes scores. Photograph: Lars Baron/Getty Images
Fernandes celebrates.
Fernandes celebrates. Photograph: Jose Breton/NurPhoto/REX/Shutterstock

Updated

PENALTY TO PORTUGAL!

I can see why this is a penalty, morally speaking – without it, Bruno was in – but I don’t think it’s a penalty according to the laws, because it was an accident. Perhaps the rationale is that that the hand was in an unnatural position, I don’t know. But I do know Ronaldo will be furious he’s not on the pitch to filch another goal.

Bruno Fernandes’s path is blocked by the hand of Jose Maria Gimenez.
Bruno Fernandes’s path is blocked by the hand of Jose Maria Gimenez. Photograph: Lars Baron/Getty Images

Updated

90 min The ref is going to check VAR. The ball absolutely hit Gimenez’s hand, but he didn’t know anything about it – it was behind him and he was falling…

89 min Nice from Portugal, Ramos finding Bruno on the edge and he megs Gimenez, who falls on the ball, now behind him, with his hand. Had he not, Bruno was in on goal.

87 min It’s looking a lot like Ghana v Uruguay, on Friday afternoon, will be an effective knockout; Ghana progress with a draw, Uruguay with a win – provided South Korea don’t beat Portugal, in which case it’ll come down to goal difference.

86 min Uruguay send Vina on for Olivera, then Pellistri, who’s been lively, wins a free-kick … that comes to nowt.

84 min Julian Menz returns on the subject of broken windows: “I (left-footed) happened to be the one who tried a Carlos and put it through a window. Her take: ‘mum’ll be mad, don’t blame me’.

We’ve all been there. I did mine from the inside, for extra parental fury.

83 min Leao makes space for himself outside the box and tries a shot from 20 yards that scuds wide of the far post. He’s got to be more use than one of Portugal’s slow defensive-midfielders.

82 min Ch ch ch changes for Portugal, Felix, Ronaldo and Carvalho off, Nunes, Palhinha, and Ramos on.

81 min Uruguay are pushing hard, Pellistri crossing from the right and Suarez is there again – they’ll be wishing they’d given Cavani this service – and but Cancelo is quicker to it and the chance goes.

81 min Goodness me, the cojones on this man. Once again, godspeed.

79 min Urugua are really coming! Bentancur again gambols through midfield with the ball, slides in behind, and De Arrascaeta is in! But as Costa comes, he produces a nothing finish, just a little flick that’s straight at the keeper, when there was scope for a rounding, slotting or dinking.

78 min …and with everyone expecting a high ball, he goes low, Gomez misses his diving header, and Suarez runs onto it, taking a decent first touch that opens one side of the goal … only for him to slice wide! Uruguay are coming!

Uruguay's Luis Suarez misses a chance.
Uruguay's Luis Suarez misses a chance. Photograph: Odd Andersen/AFP/Getty Images

Updated

77 min Felix is late on Suarez – he’s booked – and De Arrascaeta will now curl into the box from close to its left corner….

Updated

75 min Pellistri, who’s been as lively tonight as he was anonymous against South Korea, finds Gomez inside the D, who immediately opens body and unfurls a n early, lazy curler that thuds against the post!

74 min Bentancur, who’s had flashes but no more, races down the left, pursued by Bruno, before Cancelo makes the challenge. Uruguay have to find a way of getting Valverde involved.

72 min Two more changes for Uruguay, Gomez and Suarez for Cavani and Nunez. I’m not sure I’d have removed both of those.

71 min Though Cristiano Ronaldo didn’t get the touch,” says Kári Tulinius, “his movement created the goal as much as Fernandes’ pass. Say what you will about Ronaldo, and there’s a lot to say, his monomaniacal desire to make his numbers go up is an element of chaos in a match heading for nil-nil.”

I agree – it was a great run, and a great jump – partly because it was him, Rochet couldn’t move, and by the time he’d missed the ball, it was too late.

70 min Nunez gets Pepe one-on-one, thinks he’s nipping by, and then a wily toe extends to take him down and the ball away. Lovely defending from the maestro.

69 min Yup, here comes Leao, replacing Neves. I’d not be surprised to see him score or square it for someone who scores.

68 min More detail from Tom Lepage: “Just as an FYI, the stadium announcer declared Bruno was getting the goal in minute 60 or so. Ronaldo was visibly annoyed. It was great.”

Personally, I blame Erik ten Hag.


67 min I stand corrected: Jorge Morreira emails to say Fifa have changed their minds and given the goal to Fernandes. That seems the correct call to me – it looked that way in real time, and nothing I’ve seen since has made me appraise the goal differently.

65 min Pellistri is quickly into the action, slinging over a cross that Portgual clear, but only just. Now here comes Pellistri again, doing Guerreiro on the outside … before a heavy touch takes the ball behind.

64 min Portugal maraud down the left with Guerreiro, whose cross is a goodun, Olivera doing really well to dive in and lever away from Ronaldo. If Uruguay commit men forward, I’d not be surprised to see them concede again on the counter, because Bruno and Bernardo move the ball so well. I wonder if Santos will get Leao on for that reason.

62 min Double change for Uruguay: De Arrascaeta and Pellistri for Vecino and Godin. That’ll mean 4-4-2 as opposed to 3-5-2, and as I type that, Valverde puts Diogo Costa under and almost blocks his clearance with a brave leap.

61 min Uruguay are showing a but more attacking inclination now, Vecino crossing from the right and overhitting it by plenty.

59 min “I am sure he didn’t touch it,” emails James Foster, “and certainly it didn’t do more than brush his hair. Fernandes’ goal in my opinion.”

If it brushes his hair, it’s his, but I’m not sure it does. But I’m even surer Fifa aren’t confiscating the goal from him – though they’ve got to televise him finding out if they do.

58 min Varela advances down the right and crosses nicely – for Cavani, who’s done well to lose his man. But well though he drills fresh air into the corner, it wasn’t his intention and the chance disappears.

57 min Ronaldo now has nine World Cup goals, the same as Eusebio. But he’s limping after a challenge with Nunez.

56 min As things stand: Portugal are through and Uruguay need to beat Ghana in their final game, while hoping South Korea don’t beat Portugal by more.

GOAL! Portugal 1-0 Uruguay (Fernandes 54)

Or is it?! Bruno drifts left, a little feint conjured the yard he needs for a cross, and he curls a gorgeous ball onto Ronaldo’s gel, and the ball doesn’t deviate on its way into the corner, but of course Ronaldo celebrates like he’s Keith Houchen. I think it’s Bruno’s goal, but it’ll be given to Ronaldo.

Portugal's forward Cristiano Ronaldo not getting near the ball.
Portugal's forward Cristiano Ronaldo not getting near the ball. Photograph: Kirill Kudryavtsev/AFP/Getty Images
… Portugal’s forward Cristiano Ronaldo claiming he did.
… Portugal’s forward Cristiano Ronaldo claiming he did. Photograph: Justin Setterfield/Getty Images

Updated

54 min Portgual continue probing, but the lack of width is a problem….

52 min An attack into space! Bernardo breaks through the middle, feeds Felix to his left, and Bruno is in the centre, wailing for a cross … but his mate clouts into the side-netting, probably because, like the rest of us, he fancied being entertained by the tantrum which follows.

51 min Neves went off but is now back on, then a fan invades the pitch waving a rainbow flag. Godspeed, old mate.

A man invades the pitch holding a LGBT flag as he wears a t-shirt reading
A man invades the pitch holding a LGBT flag as he wears a t-shirt reading "Respect for Iranian woman". Photograph: Manan Vatsyayana/AFP/Getty Images

Updated

50 min Neves is still down…

48 min Vecino is late on Neves, knee and foot into thigh and calf respectively – he does well to avoid a caution – then Olivera clatters Felix – he does well to avoid a second caution.

48 min Felix runs at Uruguay off the left and tries to clip a reverse=pass in behind; it’s deflected behind for a corner … that comes to nowt. You guessed that, I imagine.

47 min I don’t think we’ll much different – at least not until someone scores. But if Portugal get a goal and even if they win, Uruguay will still need to beat Ghana, as they do the way things stand.

46 min We go again…

“The champion suit-wearer so far must be the Japan manager,” advises Charles Antaki, “in both games he’s rocked a three-piece, even during the midday kick-off. Hopefully Fifa has a prize for that?”

A mirror?

three-piece suit japan manager

“Just one small thing - so far,” says Marlise Lienhard ominously. “The smooth Felipe Melo is not ‘honey’ in Portuguese. It would be ‘mel’. But let’s apply poetic license here.”

I’m afraid you’ve overestimated my linguistic ability – I meant “mellow”.

Half-time email: “I see what you mean about the Uruguay manager’s rig out,” says Rod Wooden. “The only word for it is bizarre. But I have to say that I have also been known to wear oversize trainers with no socks, my excuse being that I live in tropical climes (Colombia) and suffer from swollen toes. But certainly not with a suit, in fact the last time I remember wearing a suit was at my wedding, and look how that turned out.”

I too don’t quite grasp the wearing or suits – nor shoes. Air Max and Havaianas are the only footwear a fashionista needs.

Half-time: Portugal 0-0 Uruguay

Portugal were the better side but Uruguay came closer to scoring – and what a goal it would’ve been. But instead we’re locked at 0-0, and I’d not be surprised if we sill were an hour from now.

45+2 min I wonder whether, if this was knockout, either side’s approach would be different. Ultimately, a draw kind of suits both – Uruguay won’t want to risk losing to win, and Portugal know that beating South Korea will likely take the group. Anyway, Guerreiro gets down the left courtesy of a nice leave by Bernardo, Felix, sending the ball out wide. His cross is low and hard, but no one gambles, and that’s the last action of the half.

45 min We’ll have three added minutes. I was rather hoping for treble.

45 min Bruno tries to take a free-kick quickly, partly because he knows Olivera is close by; Olivera blocks the ball, and is booked.

44 min “My daughter, 7, is an aspiring footballer (we can never thank the Lionesses enough),”: says Julian Menz, “but I showed her THAT Carlos goal, and now that’s her epitome. It doesn’t help that she’s right-footed either.”

Great stuff – I took my then-eight-year-old to the final, and though she’s now conceded that I’ve not spent all my life and most of her inheritance pursuing nonsense, she’s not taken it on. I suggest reinforcing your windows.

42 min Nuno Mendes is down and almost immediately, is replaced by Guerreiro. He must’ve been carrying something, because he knew he was jiggered – he didn’t even try to masochism it off.

41 min “Nicely poised, this one,” reckons Jamie O’Sullivan. “I’m enjoying the needless bit of needling between Gimenez and Felix every time the ball goes near them. One to watch as a potential entry into the ‘clubmates falling out with each other on international duty’ lists. I look forward to Felix calling Gimenez a rat in a candid interview/head massage with Piersbot 3000 in the year 2040.”

I’m surprised we don’t see more of that. When I found myself playing against mates, there was always (even) more needle than when playing against randoms, because we knew each other’s weak points and were desperate to make each other look silly/not be made to look silly.

40 min Eventually, Valverde’s free-kick comes in, Portugal get first contact, and when Bentancur retrieves, Carvalho clears.

38 min Good from Nunez, who takes the ball down well and moves forward, finding Varela, who’s quickly introduced to grass by Neves; Neves is quickly introduced to the yellow card by the ref. Free-kick Uruguay, 30 yards out, right-hand side.

37 min This is lively now, Mendes finding Bruno whose shot is blocked, then Ronaldo, who’s been pulling left a lot, brings the ball down on his chest, but as he falls, can get away neither shot nor cross.

37 min “Temper XI,” says Simon Harpin. “Gotta be Lee Tomlin, he of two yellows (and shoulda been three) within about 30 seconds not so long ago.”

Updated

36 min Suddenly, Uruguay are into this, Bentancur finding Olivera down the left, who crosses low, and Bentancur stretches but can only send his shot wide as Nunez tries to turn it goalwards.

34 min That should represent a major warning for Portugal, who’ve been dominant but impotent. So they get the ball down the other end, where both Ronaldo and Felix have shots blocked at source.

32 min BUT HERE COME URUGUAY NOW! Bentancur picks the ball up in his own half and lanks through the middle as no one comes to unload him! Then, just outside the box, he sways outside Dias and he’s in! Costa comes out, and all he has to do is round or nick it over him for one of the great goals … but instead he panics and shoots straight at the keeper. What a run, but what a shame!

Portugal’s Diogo Costa makes a save from Uruguay’s Rodrigo Bentancur.
Portugal’s Diogo Costa makes a save from Uruguay’s Rodrigo Bentancur. Photograph: Molly Darlington/Reuters
Frustration.
Frustration. Photograph: Matthew Childs/Reuters

Updated

31 min A bit of possession for Uruguay, who’ve done almost nothing offensive so far – a shame in both senses of the word. Valverde has barely had a kick, and they need to find a way of getting him on the ball if they’re to create anything.

29 min Neves allowed to run forward unmolested, chips a ball over the top and Fernandes, close to the by-line and trying to nod back across, heads into the side-netting before giving the hoarding a minor ketsbaiaing. The flag goes up, though, so he’s in the clear.

27 min “When you look at the stats,” brags Matt Dony, “Roberto Carlos had a horrendous record with free kicks. But, he had an incredible knack of getting them right on the big stage, when everyone was watching. There was an absolute beaut against China (I think) in the 2002 World Cup. Ronaldo appears to be trying to muscle in on that territory. His stats have gone from impressive to horrendous, but you just know that he’s likely to pull something out of the bag in Qatar. Annoyingly.”

I’ve been wondering if we’ll get to a point when players stop trying to score, because the stats say they’re better off putting a ball into the box. And while we’re on the subject, I wrote this about one of my favourite of the genre, and boyz being ladz.

26 min A ball into Nunez, an avant-garde first touch. Ctrl C, Ctrl V.

25 min “US commentator here says Ronaldo needs people around him to complement him,” says Jim Cotter. “Any chance Piers Morgan is still up his [redacted] and could whisper one for the team?”

Wahey! There was a time I feared he’d miss the World Cup because that head massage was still going on.

23 min And there he is, curling with the outside of his boot out to Ronaldo down the left. But the eventuating cross is nowhere near anyone, so Portugal retrieve possession and build again.

22 min Bruno and Nnuez catch each other, the former booting the latter’s studs. He suffers some pain, but he’ll be fine.

20 min We’ve seen precious little Pepe so far, but I think he’d be in my Temper XI. So too would be the ironically-named Felipe Melo – and who else? I wish YouTube wasn’t silent on David Prutton’s total loss of noggin for Southampton against Arsenal in 2005.

19 min Bernardo’s inswinger is deflected behind so Bruno runs over to try an outswinger and lamps it beyond the back post. Lovely stuff all round.

18 min Ronaldo smashes into the wall, Vecino leaping to head behind.

Cristiano Ronaldo of Portugal takes a free-kick.
Cristiano Ronaldo of Portugal takes a free-kick. Photograph: Laurence Griffiths/Getty Images

Updated

17 min The corner is flighted to Carvalho on the edge and he ponders leathering a volley towards Selhurst, then takes a touch and absorbs Vecino’s foul. Free-kick Portugal, 25 yards out, a fair way left of centre, and Ronaldo prepares to smash into the wall.

15 min There’s a better balance about Portugal than against Ghana, I think because Bruno and Bernardo are central together. And as I type that, Bernardo darts a ball into Felix, who ducks inside and tries a curler that’s deflected at source, lopping over the top.

14 min How are the whole Uruguay team not getting dropped for making sport of their manager’s rig?

silly outfit Diego Alonso

13 min Bentancur is in late again, hands on Dias and with a leg through his. That’s never a booking but he gets a talking-to and needs to have a word with himself because any more and he’s struggling.

12 min The corner goes short and then into the box, where Gimenez leaps, lobbing a header over the bar.

10 min The Portugal fans are making themselves heard but then we get our first flash of Nnuez, who bustles down the left, wins a corner off Cancelo, and noises up the crowd prior to the corner. He’s already on a rolling boil, which augurs well for our handbags-hope.

Updated

9 min Portugal are looking lively! Ronaldo comes deep and flicks inside for Felix. But the ball’s behind his mate, so Bruno collects and tries to slide into the box, but the flag goes up.

8 min Mendes tries a diag and Ronaldo gets up early and high, all over Olivera and nodding down for Bruno, who drags a shot from 20 yards wide of the far post. Portugal have started the better.

6 min It’s been a bitty start – Mendes fouls Carvalho, then Bentancur catches Dias on the calf and is booked at the lino’s behest. This prompts him to share some sentiments, and looking again, I’m not sure he did it on purpose, but as I type that I find myself laughing at my own naiveté.

5 min I said Bruno was on the right, but he now seems to be in midfield, with Cancelo keeping the width.

4 min Have a look! A long throw finds Ronaldo running in behind, and from close the line, he shoulders – yes, he really does! – a pass towards the edge, where Carvalho larrups a volley over the top. That was beautifully done.

2 min Trying to get a hold of Portugal’s formation, I think it’s Felix on the left and Bruno on the right. Anyhow, Olivera plays into Cavani who touches off with typical finesse, then Olivera hammers a shot wide.

1 min Smith & Jones, Hale & Pace, Morecambe & Wise … Champion & Coisty.

1 min Away we go!

While we’re here, for those who live in norf Lahandan, Ferreira Delicatessen on Delancey is one of the finest lujncheon spots in Camden Town.

“Just wanted to offer a somewhat alternative view to the one shared by Andrew Brown regarding the ‘estado do futebol’ in Portugal.” says Alex Davidson. “I’ve very much enjoyed being a season-ticket holder at Sporting CP for the past two seasons and I think that the lower reaches of the Primeira Liga get a pretty rough deal. Braga went deep into the Europa League last year, and clubs like Vitoria Guimarães and Boavista have a rich history and a nice selection of players that never make it at the ‘big three’. Based on current performances, I actually think the Primeira Liga is knocking on the door of the big five European leagues, and rightly so!”

Uruguay’s is the kind of tune you hear at a classical concert and gets people closing eyes and tossing heads.

Anthem time. I like both of these, but I can’t say I’m not pumped for Wales’ tomorrow, nor missing Italy’s.

Here come our teams!

“With a banger like this behind them,” says Kiera Healy, “how could Portugal fail?”

Catchy like flu.


“Santos’ perfect performance,” emails Ajinkya Sathe, “looks like the one with Ronaldo scoring, him being taken off for additional defender and Ronaldo giving tactical on-field instructions to his teammates while Santos looks exasperated (as he almost always does even in the happy moments).”

Ha! I find the pace his side doesn’t have especially odd – when was that a nice to have in any football team?

Looking at the matchup, I don’t think either side will play with much width, principally because neither manager has picked a winger. Uruguay will be relying on their wing-backs, while Portugal may have Bruno and Felix nominally playing down the sides, or may not even have that. So Portugal will, I think, be relying on their full-backs to get forward with Carvalho dropping in, and look for their nimble little guys to find space in the middle; Uruguay will be hoping Valverde makes something happen.

Huddle around your wireless and pretend it’s dinnertime.

“Why are so many games between the big names so awful?” wonders Aaron Roston. “I don’t remember the group games being quite so terrible and boring. All the good matches have been with teams in the lower tiers. This matchup is shaping up to be another stinker. Ronaldo? Suarez? Both past it.”

I dunno – Spain v Germany was excellent. But more generally, I agree we’ve not had proper latter-stages epics since 2006, never mind latter-stages epics to compare to Brazil v Italy and West Germany v France in 1982; Brazil v France in 1986; West Germany v England and Italy v Argentina from 1990.

ITV have got Souness, Robson-Kanu and Cole in the studio. All have their value and Cole, I think, is excellent – but surely they could find someone with a bit of expertise when it comes to these two teams?

The more I think about Portugal, the more frustration I feel. They should be such a team, but they’re not and don’t look like they’re going to be – and given how Uruguay are going to play, surely they could’ve used only one of Neves and Carvalho, to get Leao in. It’s really hard to know what Santos’ perfect performance looks like.

“It’s alright living in Portugal, you know,” emails Andrew Brown of form 2AF – how I wish internet slang had existed when we were 13. “The weather’s nice, the food’s decent, the people are mostly not expletives, except that they are all a bit depressed, and obsessed with football to an extent that they don’t deserve to be, given how generally rubbish their domestic league is. All their teams bar the big three are naught but feeders either for them or for other, richer European leagues. Watching any league or cup game in this country is almost always a dull and frustrating experience. Their international competition teams, on the other hand, are really quite something. And if they get through to the knockout stages, most of my students are going to skip classes to watch the match, and talk about nothing else. I assume by then England will have swandived face-first into our own boots and hubris, so it will at least be something interesting to watch the locals attempt to be outgoing and happy, only to presumably have their own hopes efficiently crushed by the likes of France or Spain or somesuch, enabling them to return to their usual pursuits of having a long lunch break, complaining, and watching terrible 10pm kickoff fixtures between FC Nowhere and Atletico Suburb of Nowhere.”

Super Bock and pasteis de nata can redeem many ills.

Back to the teams, it seems the Portugal XI I looked up was incorrect – thanks Marco Vaza for pointing that out. Nuno Mendes also comes in, for Raphael Guerreiro.

On the subject of Ghana, this is tremendous behaviour.

“Uruguayan here,” says Pablo Miguez. “I hope we win but would be happy with a draw. We’d reach the last round knowing a win against Ghana would send us to the round of 16. Problem with drawing or losing tonight is that even if we beat Ghana, Brazil would await in the round of 16 and bye Qatar. So, let’s try to win tonight. VAMOOOOS!”

I actually think Uruguay are good enough to beat anyone on a good day – I can’t lie, I had an each-way tickle on them at 40s. I guess a win in the last game is fair, but it’s pressure – if they’d been less circumspect against South Korea, they’d probably have a couple more points.

Lest we forget.

Email! “Pepe versus Nunez promises top-drawer forehead-to-forehead posturing, needling, and swearing,” pines Peter Oh, desperate for the aforementioned EVERYTHING that NO ONE wants to see action. We can but hope – though I remember buzzing for Pepe v Morelos when Porto played Rangers last season and we ended up with nowt.

As for Uruguay, they go to three at the back. That means Coates comes in for Caceres, Varela replaces Pellistri, and Suarez loses his spot to Cavani – which makes a lot of sense to me. Uruguay want to make this a horrible game, threaten from set-pieces, and give Valverde greater scope; all those changes help them do that. It’s funny really, that Suarez and Cavani are the same age, Suarez was miles better at his peak and now in their dotage it’s Cavani who’s superior.

I also think Portugal can be more mobile in midfield. Neves can pass it nicely when given time on the ball, but he’s also slow – whereas Palhinha would gives greater defensive solidity and also greater mobility.

So Portugal make three changes to the team that scraped by Ghana, Mendes in for Gurreiro at left-back and the injured Danilo and Otavio replaced at centre-back and in midfield by Pepe and Carvalho respectively. I’m dearly hoping there’s a valedictory something that no one wants to see from the former – come on Pepe. Otherwise, I’m guessing when I say Fernando Santos is playing a box midfield and maybe I’m just hoping that Bruno isn’t being wasted on the right with Felix was ted on the left. Of course, the sensible option – some may say – would be to leave Ronaldo on the bench, bring in Leao, and try to play with some pace while getting the most out those at their peak. But that’s not going to happen.

Updated

Teams!

Portugal (4-4 box-2): Digo Costa; Cancelo, Dias, Pepe, Mendes; Neves, Carvalho, Bernardo Silva, Bruno Fernandes; Felix, Ronaldo. Subs: Rui Patricio, Sa, Dalot, Mendes, Antonio Silva, Palhinha, Vitinha, Joao Mario, Nunez, Andre Silva, Leao, Horta, Ramos

Uruguay (3-5-2): Rochet; Gimenez, Godin, Coates; Varela, Valverde, Bentancur, Vecino, Olivera; Nunez, Cavani. Subs: Muslera, Sosa, Vina, Caceres, Rodriguez, Ugarte, Torrreira, Canobbio, De La Cruz, Arrascarta, Pellistri, Suarez, Torres, Gomez.

Updated

Brazil are into the last 16 thanks to Carlos Casemiro’s excellent hit. All the reaction here:

Preamble

At the 2002 World Cup, we were treated to group stages of unusual excitement, losing both France – the holders – and Argentina – the second favourites. The problem was that South Korea then found a way by Italy and Spain, so that at the business end of things we were left with ties that felt predictable and duly went as expected. Epics there were not.

Also eliminated in that roundrobin were Portugal and Uruguay – though neither were serious contenders to win that competition, which is not the case as regards this one. There’s a brilliant steam hiding in the Seleção squad that includes perhaps the most vibrant, varied and interesting array of attackers in the world. But we’ve seen little to make us believe Fernando Santos is likely to find it so, like one or two other countries, as things stand they’re relying on their better players doing enough good stuff at big moments to see them progress.

That was what happened in Portugal’s opener – a gift of a penalty followed by a purple patch that should’ve settled things – before Ghana were inexplicably ushered back into a game that looked over, the difference between victory and embarrassment an Iñaki Williams slip. But they got there in the end, know that the best side in the group stages is rarely the side dancing around following the final – and yet could really use a performance tonight.

Not, though, as much as Uruguay, who made sure not to lose their first game, but didn’t win it when they’ll have expected to. And though, even if they lose tonight, a win over Ghana will probably take them through, they won’t want to go into that needing three points, so will banking on an improved performance.

The good news for them – and us – is that they’re more than capable of that, terrifying in defence and with attacking players able to conjure all sorts. Which is to say that , at the end of an already-colossal day, we’re going to end it – and the competition’s Tetris period – with a prime cut of World Cup FootballTM.

Kick-off: 10pm local, 7pm GMT

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