Jamie Jackson has filed his match report from the ground, which is my cue to go for a walk round the block and try to work out what on earth just happened. Football, bloody hell.
Thanks for your company and correspondence, and sorry I couldn’t get through much of it – there were far too many goals being scored.
Rashford isn't injured after all
Asked why he took Rashford off, Ten Hag springs a surprise. “We have to rotate,” he says. “Garnacho has to play.. We have a tough game on Sunday [at Villa Park] and we need players fresh.”
Yes, but … Rashford was playing his best football for 18 months. Just as it was bizarre to leave him out at Crystal Palace after he’d scored three goals in two games, so it was weird not to give him another 20 minutes here. He was terrifying his full-back.
And here’s Erik ten Hag. "We started the game very good, we dominated, we scored two goals, but then we lost control. The middle part was not good, the ending very good … the defending we have to improve.”
Here is Harry Maguire, taking questions about what went wrong. “Far too many gaps,” he says, “too many crosses coming into the box, and they ultimately punished us for it. We played really well with the ball in the first half, really poor without it.”
Asked about United’s habit of conceding twice in quick succession in Europe, he doesn’t dodge the question. “It’s more of a mental issue I think, it’s about belief. It’s something that we need to be aware of and make sure when we do concede that we stick together and regroup… I’ve played for this club for six years and I know how it works… The manager knows how to deal with it. It’s part of the privilege of playing for this club.”
In that interview, just like in the box in the 91st minute, Maguire had his head screwed on.
Wasn’t expecting this.
United’s dressing-room door, according to TNT, is still firmly shut. Is Fernandes getting a lecture on how to be a captain from Maguire?
The bad news for Ten Hag fans is that Matthijs de Ligt is struggling, Lisandro Martinez is not the commanding presence he can be, Bruno Fernandes is a 30-year-old behaving like a hot-headed youth, and Marcus Rashford appears to have picked up an injury just as he has returned to form. The good news for Ten Hag fans is that he brought on Maguire, who spared him some of his blushes.
The bad news for United fans is that for the third time in four games, they’ve drawn when they should have won. The good news is that they’ve remembered how to score goals. For the first 20 minutes, they were clinical.
“You know who United should get,” says Drew Lundgren. “That Jadon Sancho. He looks a proper player.”
“Red cards,” says Nick Smith. “The captain needs to have a word with Fernandes…”
Ten Hag is a magician in one way. The players he sidelines keep bouncing back and becoming indispensable. There’s hope for Antony yet.
So United led 2-0, then went 3-2 down. Bruno Fernandes, the captain Erik ten Hag appointed, went out of his way to collect another red card. Harry Maguire, the captain Ten Hag had harshly demoted, came on and salvaged a point – and maybe Ten Hag’s job too.
Anyone who is allergic to clichés may want to look away now. You couldn’t make it up.
FULL TIME! Porto 3-3 Man United
And that is that.
90+5 min Ten Hag waves his arms as Mazraoui waits to take a throw-in. United win a free kick – but …
90+4 min Porto come again. Evans responds with a fine header under pressure – and gets clattered.
90+3 min There are still two more minutes, maybe three in the light of the goal.
Garnacho won the corner by taking yet another shot. Eriksen curled in a great ball and Maguire planted an imperious header in the near corner.
GOAL!! Porto 3-3 United (Maguire 90+1)
He’s done it!
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90 min Antony wins a corner. Can Maguire or Evans steal a point?
89 min Porto see off the corner and have the chance to get a fourth … but now they’re too slow. So slow that they allow Jonny Evans to get back.
88 min United’s success in this game, which seems a long time ago now, came through the pace of Rashford and Hojlund. Without them, they’re relying heavily on Garnacho, who darts in now and draws a good save from Costa.
85 min Christian Eriksen, who seldom completes 90 minutes, is now playing in two positions at once – his own and Fernandes’.
83 min Big chance for Porto! Galeno (I think) is clean through, but his shot is a poor one and Onana saves without much trouble.
RED CARD! Bruno Fernandes!
Another high boot, another yellow, and Fernandes has his second early bath in five days. This one seems unlikely to be rescinded.
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77 min What would you do now, if you were Erik ten Hag? He replaces both his centre-backs, sending on Harry Maguire and Jonny Evans for De Ligt and Martinez.
77 min Subs for Porto. Off goes Samu, who gets a big hand after scoring twice. On comes Fabio Vieira of Arsenal.
74 min Up the other end, Galeno shoots wide.
74 min Garnacho has another go with a volley that doesn’t have the power he is looking for.
72 min Following a United corner, Eriksen picks out De Ligt, whose header is accurate but not threatening.
70 min It’s still end to end. United, sliced open again, are grateful for a flaky shot. Then they attack and Fernandes has a decent chance but can’t keep the shot down.
68 min Yes, it’s Amad coming off. Joshua Zirkzee is coming on too, in place of Hojlund, who made his first start of the season and scored his first goal.
67 min Antony is about to come on for United, presumably in place of Amad – unless Ten Hag is sending him to left-back, as he did a couple of times last season.
65 min Chance for Samu! A shemozzle at the back presents him with a shot, which is sharp enough to need tipping round the post by Onana.
64 min United win a corner and then exert some pressure, which is relieved when Martinez balloons a shot.
62 min I may have spoken too soon about Costa (among other things). He sees a shot come in from Mazraoui, gets a feeble palm to it and nearly presents Garnacho with a big chance.
60 min Stat du jour, courtesy of TNT: this is the 24th time, in all comps, that Erik ten Hag’s United have conceded three goals in a game. No Premier League side has managed more in the past 26 months.
57 min It’s still very open. Maybe Porto feel it would be bad manners to sit on their lead, given the way United failed to sit on theirs.
57 min United keep the ball for a while, then Garnacho has a go from distance – easily saved. They’re playing Costa back into form.
54 min United ease into the box again as Garnacho plays in Eriksen. His cross is too easy for Costa to gather, and for once Eriksen made the wrong choice – a cutback was the better option.
52 min Chance for United! Fernandes shoots wide, then argues that it should be a corner, not a goal kick. He may be right, but he has to be careful after picking up a yellow.
Pepe got away down the right, and Martinez, perhaps still feeling that knock, couldn’t catch him. He crossed for Samu, who was again too good for De Ligt. He slammed the ball into the roof of the net.
GOAL!!! Porto 3-2 United (Samu 50)
The comeback is complete!
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48 min Save! By Onana, getting down well to tip Moura’s shot round the post – but United were carved open, in the way that is becoming a trademark.
47 min Yes, it’s Rashford who’s gone off. I hope he’s not badly hurt. Garnacho slots into his place on the left and instantly has a shot from distance, which is blocked.
Erik ten Hag is sending his first sub on. It’s Alejandro Garnacho, and it’s not Amad coming off, so maybe Rashford has an injury. He was terrific while he lasted.
Top marks for entertainment.
Correction! The email about Desolation Row (19:56) came from Richard Hirst, not Krish. Je suis désolé.
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HALF-TIME! Porto 2-2 United
A half of two halves. United scored twice against the run of play, with a little help from Diogo Costa. And then Porto came roaring back. It’s been highly entertaining and mildly perplexing.
45+2 min Chance for Rashford! He made a fabulous run, but then he kept on running and ended up near the penalty spot, having a shot that was easily blocked.
45+1 min We’re into the first of three added minutes. Martinez seems to be OK. United get forward and Amad tees up Dalot, whose shot sails over the bar.
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43 min There’s a pause as Lisandro Martinez is down injured.
Talking of United centre-backs … “I don’t think De Ligt has the physical presence,” says Martin Lancon. “Maguire would have been on top to stop the second Porto goal.”
42 min Half-chance for United! Fernandes plays a handsome chip towards Hojlund and Casemiro, whose point-blank shot is saved.
41 min There was another card in the aftermath of Porto’s second goal – a yellow for Ruud van Nistelrooy.
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39 min De Ligt makes a mistake playing out from the back, but gets away with it. United break with Hojlund out on his own. He could just go for goal but he waits for Amad to join him, then overhits the pass.
37 min Amad wins a corner. United’s spirit is still there, but this is beginning to feel horribly like those Champions League games a year ago, when they seemed hell-bent on losing 4-3.
35 min Samu did very well, nosing his way in front of De Ligt and twisting to plant his header past Onana and under the bar. But United, really? No sooner have they emerged from the crisis than it’s back on.
GOAL!! Porto 2-2 United (Samu 34)
This is becoming ridiculous.
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32 min And now Bruno Fernandes gets a card too – though not a red one. He went into a 50-50 with a high boot.
30 min Casemiro, not for the first time, is shrugged off the ball in midfield. We’ve seen the best and worst of him this evening. Mazraoui bails him out with a good flick-header at the far post, amd then Amad wins a foul and Samu goes into the book, possibly for dissent.
29 min Andre Onana did well to save one header, but couldn’t do anything about the follow-up from Pepe, who reacted faster than Martinez. In the build-up, the defender at fault was Dalot, who was slow to clear a loose ball. Game on!
GOAL! Porto 1-2 United (Pepe 28)
And here it is.
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26 min Porto just need to score the next goal. They’re in the box again now, forcing De Ligt to head over his own bar, but they can’t do anything with the resulting corner.
25 min Crisis, what crisis?
23 min Rashford breaks free again and whips in a left-foot cross, or is it a shot? Costa beats it away wiht his biceps.
Costa is beaten at his near post again! Hojlund started the move by laying the ball off to Eriksen, who strode into the No 10 zone. He slipped the ball to Rashford, who waited for Hojluind to make his run and then played a simple through ball. Hojlund shot with his left foot, decently enough, but Costa will wonder how he let it past his right hand.
GOAL! Porto 0-2 United (Hojlund 20)
And another one!
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19 min Porto on the attack again. It comes to nothing but on the evidence so far, I’d be surprised if United kept a clean sheet.
17 min United get a corner, then another. Eriksen takes them a lot better than he did against Spurs on Sunday. Porto’s defenders deal with both, without looking very comfortable.
16 min Close! And Rashford is involved again. Fed by Amad, he curls in a nice little cross which Hojlund could easily have flicked on into the far corner.
14 min Normal service is resumed as Porto work their way down the left. Samu has another shot blocked, then Joao Mario finds Row Z.
10 min United are now knocking the ball around as if the past few weeks had never happened. Their two old gents in midfield did well for the goal too – Casemiro whipping a crossfield ball to Eriksen, who flicked it on to the left wing. Rashford was about 40 yards out at that stage, but he did the business. That’s four for the season for him, half as many as he managed in the whole of 2023-24.
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That was vintage Rashford – bursting between two defenders, then drilling his shot in at the near post. Diogo Costa should have done better, but United won’t care. about that.
GOAL! Porto 0-1 United (Rashford 7)
Against the run of play.
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5 min United get forward at last. Casemiro is shoved off the ball rather too easily but the ball falls to Hojlund, who ahsa the chance to tee up Rashford. His pass is a yard or two behind where it needs to be, and the attack peters out.
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4 min Samu making trouble in the United box again. He has been the man of the first four minutes.
3 min United deal with the corner comfortably as Bruno Fernandes heads it away, but that’s about the only thing they’ve done right.
2 min And again! Samu is the provider this time, cutting back from the inside-right channel. Galeno’s shot is on target and Onana tips it over.
1 min Porto in the United box already! Their striker Samu gets a shot in, but it’s easily blocked.
The players step out into a misty Dragao. Both sides are in their home kit – Porto in blue-and-white stripes with blue shorts, United in the old red-and-white.
An email! “Surely,” says Krish Krishnamoorthy, “you mean Desolation Row rather than Desolation Street? ‘They’re selling postcards of the hanging’ might be going a bit far for poor Mr ten Hag, but …”
Spurs hold on for another away win. They have six points out of six in the Europa League, as do Lazio and Anderlecht. Which leaves Porto and Man United needing a win all the more.
They’re into added time in Spurs’ game at Ferencvaros, and there have just been two late goals. Scott Murray has the details.
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Pre-match reading
Say what you like about United, they make a good punchline. Barry Glendenning has some fun at their expense.
Teams in full
Porto (probable 4-3-3) Costa; Mario, Pedro, Perez, Moura; Varela, Eustaquio, Gonzalez; Pepe, Omorodion, Galeno.
Subs: Ramos, Fernandes, Otavio, Djalo, Grujic, Vieira, Franco, Mora, Sousa, Jaime, Borges, Gul, Namaso.
Manchester United (probable 4-2-3-1) Onana; Mazraoui, De Ligt, Martinez, Dalot; Casemiro, Eriksen; Amad, Fernandes, Rashford; Højlund.
Subs: Bayindir, Heaton, Lindelof, Maguire, Evans, Collyer, Gore, Ugarte, Antony, Garnacho, Zirkzee.
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Teams in brief: Hojlund starts
Rasmus Hojlund, the only bright light for United in the Champions League last autumn, gets his first start of the season. Erik ten Hag rotates his midfield, replacing Manuel Ugarte and Kobbie Mainoo with … Casemiro and Christian Eriksen. The old firm.
Preamble
Evening everyone and welcome to the latest episode of a much-loved soap opera. This week, Bruno and Diogo go back home in an effort to find themselves, Erik tries to get out of jail again, and Sir Jim wonders whether he’s made a terrible mistake. Yes, it’s Desolation Street.
Or perhaps it’s the road to redemption. Erik ten Hag’s Man United do have it in them to bounce back from a shocker – they’ve had plenty of practice, after all. And this game looks like an opportunity to play on the counter, which often suits them. Porto have the sort of home record this season that is a distant memory for United fans: played four, won four. Opta’s algorithm gives them a 52pc chance of a win tonight to United’s 23.
Porto have two extra incentives. They’re even lower in the Europa League mega-table than United, after losing 3-2 at Bodo/Glimt last week. And they have a score to settle, as the last time they entertained United, in a second leg following a 2-2 draw at Old Trafford, the tie was decided by a screamer from Cristiano Ronaldo. That was a Champions League quarter-final in 2008-09. Those were the days.
Kick-off is at 8pm BST and I’ll be back soon with the teams.